Page 76 of War Games

“Ha.” I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, the guilt at missing something so fucking obvious when I look back.”

“It’s a hard lesson,” Subira said, shrugging. “Because so many people miss it.”

“That’s not funny.”

“None of this is funny, but I like to think that was a very well-done play on words,” she said, a small smile forming. “I’m really proud of you for facing this as well as you have so far. Tell me if your mind ever gets… fuzzy so I can stop it from messing with your memory.”

“Will do,” I said, nodding. So far, I felt good. Everything made sense in its way.

“Onto the next memory, then,” Subira said gently. “I imagine getting through these is harder when someone doesn’t have a witch keeping them clear of the poison’s effects that muddle your mind and cloud your thoughts.”

“Thank the gods for that.”

I thought of Germany again, and we went to Niko’s home.

I was dreading this.

29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Ifollowed myself into the large room where the family had decided to hold the meeting. Subira and I found a corner, watching together, her hand holding mine now.

“I know everything he said,” Subira said, squeezing my hand. “I know what happened before I arrived. I’m still sorry it had come to this.”

I could only nod as it started with Hasan snapping across the room at Dirk when he and Makalo were finally meeting in person. Even Subira flinched.

“I stripped his hide for that,” she said, her words tight and controlled but not well enough to stop me from knowing it made her furious. “He meant them at that exact moment. He regretted them later.”

“Does he understand how damaging that is to people?” I growled softly.

“Oh, yes. He understands. I won’t give you any excuses. I understand why he lashed out, but that understanding doesn’t fix the damage.”

“He really hurt Dirk,” I said, covering my mouth as I watched. Landon getting angry, then me stepping in. Whatreally stuck out to me was the middle daughter of the family, Mischa.

“Why is she so mean?”

“She’s always been abrasive about certain things. Let’s be honest for a moment, Jacky. There are many ways she’s like you. She just defends something different. She was our first child after Zuri and Jabari. Compare her to me and Hasan, to your eldest siblings. Does it look like she fits in?”

“No, she doesn’t, if I only cared about skin deep part of family,” I said honestly. “Neither do I on that scale, though. Most of us don’t.”

“Imagine how a little girl will throw her life away for the family who saved her from being sold away by her blood parents,” Subira said gently, touching my elbow. “Imagine how someone who believes she owes everything to her father, the one who found her and decided to love her in the place of her first family, might be willing to ignore the man’s flaws. Or defend him from any perceived threat, even if it’s someone she is supposed to love as another member of the family.”

“It’s been thousands of years since she was a child,” I pointed out.

“We immortals can be very stubborn people,” Subira countered. “And for a long time, her unfailing loyalty to Hasan was a boon. She’s trying to protect her father, just like you are trying to protect those young men. There’s love between her and I. She’s as much my daughter as you and Zuri, but she’s much closer to Hasan. She goes to him for all the advice she needs in life. She looks to him to tell her she’s done well or how to improve. Families have those relationships. I’m not jealous, nor do I love her less, but she doesn’t want me in that role for her, so I never forced myself into it.”

“Were you ever jealous, or have you always been wise and untouchable?” I asked dryly, as I considered how she couldhandle all this. She was ancient, but she also seemed perfect. Part of me almost disliked it.

“I was immensely jealous when she was young,” Subira admitted softly. “All it did was damage my attempts to get closer to her. Eventually, we settled on what we have now. I’m her mother. I will hold her while she cries and talk to her about romantic partners, but I won’t push into the spot where she has firmly placed Hasan. Just like Hasan doesn’t push into the place I hold for Zuri.”

“Ah. You started letting all of us decide who we were going to really lean on,” I said, still watching the family argument explode. Not literally. Not yet.

“Yes. We did… until you.” She leaned on her staff, the most casual thing she ever did. I was beginning to recognize it as a moment of humanity from her, needing something that wasn’t her own power to rest with. She carried it damn near everywhere, almost like a source of comfort.

“Hasan Changed me, so it was decided he was the parent I got to deal with.”

“I can be a lot,” Subira reminded me. She wasn’t wrong. If I had met Subira in the earliest years of being a werecat, I might have run and never looked back. She was other, different in ways I couldn’t have fathomed at that time, too inexperienced with magic and the supernatural. She would have terrified me.

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