Page 72 of War Games

“I hate it, but I understand it,” I said into my hands. “We’ve killed werecats who went against us. I would be a hypocrite for allowing myself to fight for the rule of this family but ask the werewolves not to do the same for theirs.”

“I’m glad you and I are on the same page.” Subira reached out and pulled one of my hands from my face. “Now, let me tell you one thing that Callahan didn’t mess up about this.”

“I would love to hear it.”

“This poison isn’t intended to be fatal,” she said with a smile.

I blinked several times, trying to understand that.

Not intended to be fatal…

Poison…

For Heath…

From Callahan…

Not intended to be fatal?

“What?” I finally said, eyes wide as my other hand dropped to my side.

“Hasan asked Alvina about some fae things that could cause this. He had a feeling Callahan wouldn’t go to the witches about a way to get rid of Everson that wouldn’t expose the werewolves to more problems from witches. We still don’t really know if those two are trustworthy, you see. He went to Alvina because he and Brion had their falling out over Brion’s recent behavior.”

“Brion is a piece of shit,” I said, nodding.

“It’s fae in origin. It’s used to test soldiers and knights and other such warriors to see if they are as strong of heart as they are of body. It makes the drinker live through their darkest thoughts, worst nightmares, and they have to get through them. They have to confront and move past them to prove themselves,” Subira said, turning away from me. “However, when the fae drink it, they know what they are getting into. They have to fight the loss of memory, keep their bearings, and so forth. It’s part of the test. If they lose themselves to the nightmares and personal demons, they will eventually fade and die. They go in knowing the risk, though.”

“And I didn’t. I couldn’t even smell anything was wrong.”

“No, you didn’t, and you were at a party where you wouldn’t have thought to pay attention to your nose well enough. No one is going to fault you for letting your guard down at Dirk and Landon’s wedding reception.” She patted my cheek. “We’veall done it. There’s not a single person in the family who can fault you…and if they try, I’ll get some of it and make them live through this nightmare of their own making.”

There was a light pettiness to her words that should have made them funny, but I wasn’t laughing because I knew her threat was a real one.

“Okay, so how are you here? And where do I go to get the fuck out of this?”

“I decided to join you by entering your mind with mine. I am sleeping beside you right now in the waking world. I had to find you in here, but I have now, right on time, it seems.” Subira sighed, looking at the two watching us. Gwen was furious at what was unfolding, but the werecat was very slowly slinking away. “I can’t dispel the entire poison. I have tried several times. I also don’t have enough control to get you to the places you need to be. We have to explore your mind together to find out. I can tell you a couple of helpful hints.”

“I’m more than ready to have some of those.” I would take anything.

“She is not real. She’s a manifestation of your negative thoughts.” Subira pointed her staff at Gwen first. “A mean one at that. You and I should talk about the things she was telling you because you must have told them all to yourself at some point. Second…” Subira changed the angle of her staff to the werecat, who growled at her.

“That’s me?—”

“No, that’s the curse, and if you let it win, the people in the waking world will have to run for their lives if they aren’t strong enough to kill you,” Subira said, power thundering in her words. Not a loud crack as it had been before, but the low rumble of a coming storm, still miles off but visible in the sky. “It looks like you because we’re in your mind, but it isnotyou. It’s not helping you; it’s not ever going to save you from anything happeninghere. It doesn’t want the fae magic to kill you. It wants to control you by letting you give up here and needs you too much.”

“Oh…”

“We all have one,” Subira said, lowering her staff. “But it can’t take you by force. You have to either want its power in a moment of the fiercest rage or give in to its call out of hopelessness, but it will always be your choice.”

“You got here right before I…”

“Yes, so it seems,” Subira said, her words so flat, but even so, I could smell her sadness in the air.

“I’m sorry.” The words weren’t good enough, but they were all I had.

“Apologize to yourself, Jacky. You were the one driving yourself to it.” She turned her back on the two manifestations of my mind, the twin and the curse, looking at me eye to eye. “Do you really think that you destroy families?”

“I…” I couldn’t say yes. I couldn’t say no. “Sometimes, I think about it. Not often. I try not to dwell on it. My human parents hate me. My twin doesn’t care about me, and I… can’t bring myself to care about her anymore, can’t bring myself to try bridging that gap anymore. Something is broken with me for that to happen. Hasan… Mischa…” I wrung my hands together. “I am in love with a man, and I killed his son. He knows it.”

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