Page 54 of War Games

“You were fine. You could have still gone to the labs, Jacky.”

Gwen’s lack of sympathy made me roll my eyes. I had a fever of one-hundred-and-three and lost twenty pounds because I could barely eat anything and keep it down. I had gone to the hospital after a week and spent three days there.

You could have gone to the labs, they say. Yeah, let’s find out how many labs I miss if I’m dead.

There were days I wasn’t even sure I was doing what I wanted with my life. Did I like the idea of pre-med and hopefully being a doctor one day? I wasn’t sure anymore. I wanted to help people, and it was a way to help.

“Gwen, I need you in the kitchen,” our mom called out. Gwen left me without another word. I closed the door and finished cleaning out my hands, then my elbow. I found the first aid kit in the cabinet underneath the sink and finished up before leaving the bathroom to face the music of spending an awful holiday with my family.

My dad arrived after that. I was hovering just outside the kitchen when he walked through the front door. He didn’t lookexcited to see me. Sadly, even though we were identical twins, I was never mistaken for Gwen, which meant I would never accidentally receive the love or adoration they gave her.

“Jacqueline,” he said, shaking his head as he looked down and probably saw my hands. “That stupid, irresponsible motorcycle finally did some damage to you, did it? Maybe you’ll sell it now.”

“How was work?” I asked, ignoring his attitude.

“Good.” He put his coat on the rack, and I didn’t move as he got closer. He wanted to go into the kitchen, and I was in the way. Both Gwen and Mom were absorbed in what they were doing, neither even realizing I was talking to him.

“Go in there and help them,” he ordered.

“That’s all you’re going to say about work? It’s Thanksgiving. They made you work.” I frowned as something floral and awful hit my nose. I had thought it came from outside when he opened the door, but it was so strong now.

Perfume. Feminine.

No, he always hangs out with the guys on holidays to avoid us.

Something about the world tilted on me.

“I need some air,” I gasped, weaving around him. Something waswrong.

I escaped out the front door, taking large, heaving breaths, trying to banish the smell and the thoughts swirling in my head.

No. I can’t be thinking of that. Not right now. What I would give to forget…

The door opened and closed behind me, my dad having followed me out. He was quickly in my face, grabbing my arm.

“Pull yourself together, or I’m cutting you off for the last time, Jacqueline. I don’t know what sort of drugs you might be on to act this?—”

“I’m not on any drugs, asshole,” I growled, and it sounded inhuman. My father didn’t seem to notice. He did take note of how I yanked my arm away from him.

“You have been a troublemaker for years. I don’t know what you’re getting up to in college or what upset you, but you will pull yourself together and behave if you want to be in this house for the holidays.”

“Why do you smell like perfume?” I asked in a soft hiss.

“I don’t. See? Always looking to make a problem for everyone.” He scoffed and went back inside.

Liar.

I waited outside, trying to forget the smell that made me think he was lying. I don’t know why. I could smell the perfume. Mom and Gwen were going to notice. It wasn’t Mom’s. I knew the smell of hers, and she never had it on so strong.

I could hear them talking. Dad said I was just saying things and picking a fight with him for having to work on Thanksgiving. Gwen didn’t speak up at all as our mom was already starting in on about how I could never be bothered to help them with the holidays, that I was only there for the free food, driving in on my death trap of a motorcycle.

I’d help if you let me, but you don’t even try to teach me how to make anything the way you like. Every time I try, you say I can just figure it out by watching… but you don’t let me watch.

I rubbed my face, wondering how I could hear them so well. They were practically yelling about how much of a piece of trash I was, how I wasn’t a good enough daughter, how Gwen was so perfect and helpful and smart. I was an attention seeker who might need professional help.

I’m doing my best! I get good grades. I drive safely. I’ve never been arrested, suspended from school, or skipped class.

“Hey, Jacky, it’s time to eat,” Gwen said, sticking her head out the front door. It was enough to break me out of my internaldialogue, saying the things I wished they could hear from me. “Come on.”

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