Page 92 of Secrets and Ruin

Hasan gave no reply. Everything about the subtle changes in his posture and expression told me he wasn’t expecting that reply.

I certainly hadn’t been.

“Zuri, Jabari, and Makalo. Exceptional magic. Thank you for providing your assistance. I’m sorry you had to.” Subira was once again the kind soft-spoken woman I knew her to be, her words echoing gently with the power she controlled.

“It was…faster than expected, but you trained us well,” Zuri said, sounding every bit the dutiful student and daughter she excelled at being.

“I never told any of you when I wanted you to use it practically,” Subira said, sighing. “I hoped it would never be my fault. We’ll talk more about it later. Little Amir, it’s okay. I was being scary. Kushim, step out with him. You can stay where you can hear.”

The boy sniffled, but there was no more crying. I heard the fast footsteps of his father taking him out of the room.

She started walking, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and face her. Glass and ceramic pieces crunched under her feet until she stopped.

“Are both of you boys unharmed?” she asked softly. They must have nodded because there was only a long silence before she continued. “New mates. You should be off enjoying your newfound connection with each other. I’m sorry you are here to witness this. No child or grandchild of mine should ever have to see this. If you wish, you may step out. You are safe on these grounds. You are safe in this family and from it.”

I saw Hasan choke on something he wanted to say, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the words he forced himself to swallow.

“Not without Jacky,” Dirk said.

“Exactly,” Landon confirmed.

“You are good men,” Subira said. “Niko, you have raised a wonderful man.”

“Thank you. Jacky helped.”

I bit my lip hard, fighting the emotion those words pulled up.

“If you want to enjoy a life with the son you raised, be comfortable leaving the past behind. The past is supposed to inform your future, not dictate it. You will lose him if you keep trying to cling so hard to it. Okay?”

“I understand.”

“Mischa, Hisao. Are you both okay? I had no intention of harming either of you.”

“Yes, Mother,” Mischa said, groaning as she pushed herself off the ground finally. “Just fell.”

“Yes, Mother,” Hisao said from his corner.

“Good, good.”

The footsteps grew closer to me, and I saw her come around me out of the corner of my eye. She turned, stopping right in front of me, ignoring Hasan entirely. She held a staff as well, her staff, one I had seen before. She smelled of magic. She was such a small woman, something I always forgot when I wasn’t near her because she was such a big presence in whatever room she decided to be in.

She also looked very young today, even though the world seemed to be on her shoulders.

“You have very little reason to hear me out right now,” she said, her words suddenly less sure than they had been to everyone else. “You may tell me you don’t wish to, and I will proceed to let you finish what you intended to say. I will not judge you or love you less for making that decision.”

“I need to hear you,” I whispered. I did. I wanted to know this woman. I wanted to understand her. I was done with Hasan. He would need to move heaven and earth to convince me to ever give him another chance, but I wanted to know her before I cast any judgment. She wasn’t without her flaws, but she never actively hurt me. She was accepting when Hasan wasn’t. She was love where he was control. She was gentle while he was firm.

But she was never around, not for me.

I needed to hear her now.

“Very well.” She squared her small shoulders as if she was about to face the firing squad. “I knew something was keeping my children from being as happy as they deserved to be. Your rebellion, my twins’ conspiracies, and the anger in Mischa. The loneliness of Niko. The grief of Davor, I knew there was something connecting all of them. There was a time when Niko lived here and wasn’t so lonely. There was a time when Davor wasn’t full of grief and pain. There was a time when Mischa loved passionately more than she raged. There was a time when my twins respected and loved their father instead of wondering why they still agreed to follow him.

“I woke up one day, and it felt as though the world had tilted on its axis and left me wondering why. What had happened? I continued on like I have for thousands of years. Nothing I had done had changed. I saw that my family had changed, which meant I had to change. I had to prepare myself for a difficult truth and thought I had time. When I didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for that, Jacky.”

I couldn’t find anything to say. I needed just a little more. I needed her to tell me she knew what was wrong here. I wanted desperately to tell her it was okay, that I could forgive her, but he was standing behind her, full of anger as she talked to me and ignored him.

“I’m sorry I trusted a man who made me promises five thousand years ago, and I missed how he had changed as well,” she finished.

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