Page 10 of Bitter Discord

As much as I hated it, there was only one thing I could think.

He’s right.

It was stupid of me to forget it among all the other things I had on my mind, but whether I had thought of it six months ago or now, I wasn’t sure it changed anything.

“Do you know who’s coming?” he asked in the silence I couldn’t bring myself to fill.

“No, I only know three of you,” I reminded him. “Whoever it is, I bet it’ll be something for Heath to deal with.”

“Or it’ll be Ranger.”

I groaned, standing up to meet this werewolf on the front porch, Dirk quickly following me.

“You know I’m right. He’s always coming around to feel useful.”

“He’s not always coming around,” I retorted, heading out the door with Dirk on my heels.

“He’s here at least three times a week. He’d be here more if Heath let him. Heath told him to back off a bit because he caught Ranger about to do the laundry one night when you were at Kick Shot with Oliver going over payroll.”

“Does he have a job?” I demanded, my face heating as I thought of what laundry Ranger must have been doing to make Heath put his foot down.Heath said nothing about it.“Something to keep him busy at his own house?” I crossed my arms as I looked over my property.

Six months and a lot of changes had been made again. The tree line was pushed back another thirty feet, Heath wanting to see more, but it didn’t bother me. He and Landon explained how they used the openness to defend Heath’s previous home. Heath had also reminded me I was always toying with losing my house to a forest fire. When I lived alone, that was acceptable. I could rebuild easily, and there was no way I would sleep through a fire.

With Carey living in the house, it wasn’t acceptable.

Beyond that, the small security building was now expanded into a somewhat bigger security building. Dirk worked in it most of the time, still in charge of most of the house’s security, but Landon, Ranger, and Shamus had space inside. A patch in the yard I had still been getting used to was now an extension to the driveway for everyone to park at the house if necessary.

My world was always changing. I tried to summon any sort of strong feeling about the visual changes, but I couldn’t. The changes were all fine for one simple reason.

Heath and Carey lived with me.

It wasn’t even an equal trade. I held the belief I got the better deal.

Lost in my thoughts, I realized I either hadn’t heard Dirk’s answer, or he hadn’t answered at all.

“Dirk?”

“I was thinking,” he answered apologetically. “I don’t really hang out with most of the pack, especially Ranger. He makes me…” Dirk’s eyes were still jade, but they seemed brighter.

“You still want to fight him?” I huffed, showing him how disappointed that made me since I knew he could smell it. “Dirk. He lost a leg. He’s more dominant than you, and Heath needs better minds, more experienced werewolves at the top of the pack. Could you beat him?”

“I don’t know why… I mean, Iknowwhy, but it’s a feeling I can’t shake. It’s not even about dominance. I’m fine with being near the bottom. Teagan is lower than me, Piper, too, but everyone else? I know they’re better werewolves. I know they could all kick my ass… except Ranger.”

“You only want to fight Ranger because he’sdisabled?” I wanted to shake him, but I also knew it wasn’t him. It was the cost of having magic rewire his brain. Every one of the moon cursed, canine or feline, was rewired. Our emotional responses changed; how we viewed others was altered.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dirk said, lowering his head. “Heath said most new werewolves have this sort of problem, even if it’s not something specific like Ranger. He told me not to hate myself for it. Landon has, too.”

“But it’ll get… better, right?” Thinking back on the last six months, I had never seen Ranger and Dirk in the same room without Heath. This could all be for nothing. It might not be Ranger coming toward the house, but Dirk had been right.

It probably was our three-legged werewolf.

“Way back in May, he said I had two choices. Indulge it, and it gets harder to resist, or do my best to ignore it and learn to tune it out. I have to remember that I, the man, would never want to do it. If I indulge it, Ifeedsomething. That’s how Heath put it.”

“You develop a habit of reacting on your base instincts without thinking,” I said, nodding. I tried to find some way to relate to it and found it quickly. “Werecats are solitary, but I don’t have to indulge by living completely alone or sequestered away from society. I can engage and still be, in some way, solitary. I had reinforced my want for solitude for six years. Every step someone took closer to my private domain used to make me uncomfortable. Now, since I’ve tried really hard to let people in, I can tune out the negative response and more reasonably balance it with my human need for friends, family, and pure necessity.”

Dirk tilted his head to the side, and I could practically hear the gears turning.

“Or leaving my territory,” I continued, my smile growing. “It gets easier each time because I’m not reinforcing the need to stay in it completely protected. Base instinct is to stay in a place of safety. You have to build a tolerance to what the rewiring makes you feel and think.”

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