Page 90 of Collateral Damage

I say the word like I truly belong here, but this isherhome and I want her to feel that too.

I space out, glaring at the blanket wrapped around me as I sit up on the bed listening to her shuffling around in the living room, most likely cleaning up her mess and I can't help but wonder why. Why did she let me go, or more importantly, why did she come and find me? I’m trying to be angry at her but I'm too focused on his hands against my skin as I tremble feeling the dried-up tears stiffening my cheeks.

“I’m going to fuck you till you pass out sweetheart, doesn’t that sound fun?”

I shriek into my skin, feeling a new tear roll down my face, so caught up in the moment dissociating that I don’t even see her standing in front of me.

“Baby?” She whispers calmly until I fall back into the present, jumping at the sight of her. I didn’t know it was possible to capture anger and sadness in one expression but it’s exactly what she’s giving me. Once again punishing herself for mysuffering, slowly edging towards me, crouching down to my level with her hands gently on my thighs.“You with me?”

She catches my tear like a feather against her thumb, consuming it with her tongue like holy water as she licks it but I push another one out. I nod timidly, glaring at the pain in her face and is it wrong for me to want her right now? I just want to forget. I just want her to consume me, fight away my nightmares. She saved my life,again. And she’s making it every bit harder to fight her away when she’s proved to me that my life belongs to her. That my sanity and everything I hold belong to her now.

She still has his blood smothering her face and she looks so disgustingly handsome I'm squeezing my thighs together feeling disgusting in my own body at the thought.

“What if someone finds him?” I whimper through broken sniffles. I'm more afraid to be found than anything. I don’t want to face the world; I don't want to face a world without her ever again.

“I’ve dealt with it.” She murmurs confidently and I have no doubt she did, probably another fire but it’s easy to disguise these incidents in heat like this and I feel calmer knowing we are in the clear. I skip the details, I’ve seen enough for one day but I wasn’t exactly frightened by his demise, it only pushed this sickening desire to let her animalistic nature destroy me. She pulls out my insulin, refusing to let me do it and my heart tightens, watching her tend to my skin so delicately. I will never get over how gentle she is with me but for right now, I don’t want her to be.

“Make me forget.”I whisper. She tries to read through my words, rationalise my thinking but there is nothing rational about any of this. I’m a prisoner in love with a killer, I don’t think this is exactly farfetched after the months I’ve had.

“Innocence…” She warns, and I know how weird that sounds, I don’t even understand why I want her butI need this.I’m still buzzing on adrenaline and shock, maybe this is a coping mechanism for my trauma but right now all I can think about is how I want her to ravish me and strip me bare of theinnocenceI may have left, I want her to show me how filthy I am forher,how much I desire to sin forher, defy god and worship the devil forher, obey her every command forher,unwrap all my layers of insecurities and make me trust completely inher, say words only to fuel my submission forher, corrupt my imagination forher.

I want her to make me touch myself in ways that would make ancestors turn in their grave, I want her to feel how deep inside me she can get until I can’t feel the air around me, I want to feel the blood rush to my head as she breaks the last of me, as she clutches to my throat like I’m someone she loathes, pushing me closer to hell with every thrust. Where my legs are immobile and I’m quivering around her length, praying to hell that she pulls me under and shows me no mercy.

“Please.” She is glaring at me like my words are the words of a mad man but the bob in her throat only indicates she wants to give me what I’m asking for as she caresses my thighs with her thumbs.

“What do you want?” She asks calmly and I nudge into her fingers as she begins to caress my cheekbone. I suck up my nerves, reaching for her face as she squints at my touch.

Play - ‘Hypnosis – Sleep Token’

“I want you to make meyours.” Her chest rises and falls, like she is trying to hold back her hunger, but I don’t want her to hold back, pressing my lips against her letting more tears crack down my red cheeks. “I don’t want you to hold back.”

My body is frail and damaged, beaten and broken, exactly how it should be. I finally understand what it means tofeel alive.That moment when pain conquers all. When you are no longer afraid of pain, you can take on the world. He didn’t enter me. But it makes this need all the more prominent. I need her to show me that she is the only one who will EVER belong inside me. I want her to claim me and show me no mercy.

I can feel her depravity through the way she’s gripping me like we are sinking and I'm not holding my breath anymore, I'm ready to drown in her seas.

“You’re unbelievably foolish.” Her words crack through our heated kiss and I clamp my eyes shut focusing only on her hands against my frail body.

“Why?”

“Because when I'm done with you, there will be nothing left to save.” It's a good job I don’t want saving. I let her embrace the fragmented pieces of me only she can put back together as she squeezes me in her arms, leaning me back on the bed to devour my mouth.“Do you trust me, Alora?”

She peers down at me, searching for my fear but I’m no longer scared, I want to dance with her darkness, and I don’t hesitate.

“With every breath I take.” My words light up her face exposing that soft gaze she blesses me with, letting me know I am completely and entirely safe in her arms, taking both my hands and raising them up to her chest as she undoes her belt slowly. Something my pussy now reacts to with a painful throb between my thighs as she braids the leather around my wrists, pulling me up to meet the metal bars, tightening it through the metal hoop to trap me there, glaring at me with ominous intentions.

“You best spare those breaths then.” I inhale deeply, trying to calm my nerves, trying to push back the endless nights I spent chained to this bed. Feeling my temperature rising as I relive it. She drags my jeans off my bottom half exposing my bare thighsand I can see on her face that what she’s looking at is bringing out the monster buried inside her that I’ve been desperately trying to keep at bay but just for today, I’ll allow it.

She runs her tacky thumbs gently over what I can only assume are the marks he left on me and I make an unpleasant face, squeezing the creases under my eyes at the dull pain. I’ve not looked down, I don’t want to. I don’t want to picture the devastation he's left on my skin, I just want her to replace it. It was only for a brief moment but his touch was palpable and dehumanising and it felt like an eternity I was trapped beneath him.

He never made his way inside my body but it doesn’t matter, he made his way inside my mind and I don’t know which is worse.

“Pick a word. Any word. And if you say it, everything stops I promise.” I glare up at her in confusion, frustrated that even now she is so fixated on my safety and my feelings when I just want to switch off, but I think for a prolonged moment as she brushes the loose strands of hair out of my face.

“Sunflower.”I mumble through a gentle giggle and through the chaos she grins back before lowering her lips against my hot skin.

“Remember, you’re in control,Puppet. Just say the word and I’ll stop. I promise.” I focus on my toes, her voice ringing in my ear as she reassures me I’mnottrapped. That I can let go beneath her. Something I desperately crave.

She exits the room for a moment, trundling back in with a duffle bag that clanks as it hits the wooden floor making my stomach drop, glaring at her with suspense, drawing out a sharp gasp when bloodied tools are pulled from the opening of the bag.

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