Page 88 of Collateral Damage

“You don't mean that-”

“Get out.”I cling to her face, forcing her to feel me on her skin. I don’t care if it burns.This burns.

“Why, why are you doing this. After everything, you're just letting me go?Letting us go?”

“There is no US!”She bites, clamping her fists together and it feels like I’m in the palm of her hand, crushing me with her hurtful words.

“If you do this Hayden, that is it. I’m gone. For good.DO YOU HEAR ME!Don’t come for me! Don’t look for me!” I try to make her see sense, make her remember the words she spoke the day I tried to run away, but she's numb, glaring at a stranger with carelessness and my heart mourns for her tocome back to me.I’m looking at her ghost. The ghost that's been here all along but I was too blind to see it. She wants me to hate her, so it will be easier to walk away. Because it’s easier to walk away from someone when you loathe them and right now I do. I loathe everything that she is, everything that she’s done to me, everything she’s made me feel. All to push me away to. I wish I died that day so I didn’t have to experience heartbreak and grief hand in hand as she tortures me with emotions I never fucking asked for!

“GET OUT!” She snaps. “GET THE FUCK OUT!” Raising her voice at me making me jolt as she points towards the door and my dam breaks, letting everything go, pouring on to the floor waiting for her to scoop me up but she doesn’t. I look up to find an empty space as she disappears into the garage, slamming it behind her.

I’ve lost her.

C H A P T E R 52

KARMA IN BLOOD

Puppet

Play - ‘WILDFLOWER - Billie Eilish’

Ileft not long after our fight, packed a bag with my shit and walked out the door. I’m so angry, I can’t regulate my emotions right now. I'm fighting everything in me not to turn around, storm back in there and crash my lips into hers. She’s letting me go, I should be grateful but now I fear for a life without her in it by my side. I’m so tired of grieving for the absence of people I love. Does it ever get better? Is this what life is like? How many times will I have to deal with this? I’ve been walking for what I can assume is about an hour and I've not reached any sort of civilization.

It’s hot out and it will be dark soon. I should have stayed there, this was a bad idea but I didn’t know what else to do. I miss her stupid smile and her stupid fucking laugh and the way she looks at me like I’m an idiot when I do literally anything but I hate the way she makes me feel when she’s like this, like no matter what I do it is never good enough for her. But now it’s over.We are over.We were never anything to begin with, just two broken pieces from different puzzles trying to fit together. Ijust need to suck it up and move on, get to the next town and find my way back into the city. I just need a police station or a phone.

Will I tell them where I've been? What the hell do I say? I don’t want her thrown behind bars but it’s where she should be for the murder of my parents. What if I have to face her in court? Maybe she will kill me before that point. If I tell them her name she will hate me and suddenly part of me wants her too. Do I tell them I know who did this? Do I rat her out? Do I lie and pretend I know nothing? Say I never saw their face? That is a heavy lie to bear, what if they don’t even believe me?

I pause for a moment, not realising how out of breath I am just from thinking to loud. I'm caked in sweat and my head is beginning to pound against my temple. How long will I be walking for? I have no food or water and nowhere to sleep. At least I have my medication but I need to find food before the morning. Why did I take no food with me? I'm an idiot.Silly Puppet.Her voice rings through my head, causing me to pause once more, heaving as I bend over feeling a hot flush surge through my body. I thinkI'm going to throw up.I’m terrified. Even in her presence I was never this terrified to face the world. A world I can now see clearly since she opened my eyes to the ugly that lies within it and I begin to think of all the awful things that could happen to me out here, getting even more frustrated that she would just let me walk out on my own. Was this another lesson? Was this punishment? Does she want me to die? What is wrong with her?

My body is huddled over, cradling my stomach trying to figure out if I am going to hurl when noise approaches me from the distance, glancing up to see a truck coming my way. My face lights up but my heart rattles in its cage.Civilisation. Although I've not interacted with anyone besides her for five months. I feel like an alien to society. A silly part of me thinks it may even be her but I'd be dumb to believe she'd come and find me now, she'sprobably already forgotten about me, getting back to her old habits to channel her rage I should be taking, not other people's lives.

The truck pulls up beside me with the window already down as they lean into the car to talk to me from the other side of the bench seat.

“Hey, you need a ride? What's a pretty little thing like you doing all the way out here?” It's a man with a friendly smile, charismatic and charming, but I'm also not stupid.

“I'm visiting family.”I lie.Standing there like a fish out of water as he glares at me in confusion.He knows I'm lying.

“Ma’am, there are no houses for miles?” He knows the area. Maybe this is a good thing but I can’t exactly ask him now that he thinks I’m from round here.

“Are you sure you're ok, you don't need me to take you anywhere?” I'd say yes. Because I desperately need a ride but I am also not about to jump in a random man's car with absolutely nothing to defend myself.

“I like to walk.” He scans me up and down, like I look familiar, and I probably do. I’ve probably been all over the news for months.

“With a bag like that?” I clutch my arms, hugging myself trying to contain my crippling anxiety right now. For some reason, I don't want to be noticed.

“I don't want to sound weird or anything, but I couldn't bear leaving you out here on your own, it's getting late. Let me drive you to a motel at least.” My mind is screaming yes. But my heart is screaming no. Something is telling me to stay here, and I can’t tell if it's my gut or the fact I'm clinging onto the hopes she will come and find me.Stop being so ridiculous Alora.

“Really, I am fine. Thank you though.” I nervously fiddle with my fingers, trying to avoid contact with him but I know my facescreams discomfort right now and my back is stinging heavily under this heat.

“I've just come from the nearest town about ten miles from here, on my way to go retreating, I have some supplies if you're interested, food, water? It's hot out.” Ten miles? I can make that before it gets too dark. That's roughly a two to three hour walk if I pace myself but as he's offering, it will be easier with something in my system.

“Wouldn't hurt, if you don't mind.” We exchange a fake smile, knowing I will feel a whole lot better when he's gone.

“Course. They are in the trunk.” He wastes no time jumping out, pulling his keys from the ignition as we both walk to the back of the truck. I don’t need a lot, just something to last me till morning.

He opens the trunk and my expression contorts, glaring at an empty space with no supplies to be found.

…

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