Page 58 of Collateral Damage

Play – ‘Similar minds – Kilu’

Idon’t know what hurts more, my body or my head as my eyes creep open, wanting to hiss at the sun beaming into the bedroom making my temples pulsate, before I dive underneath the duvet like a hermit.

“How's your head treating you,Puppet?” Irritable mumbles leave my mouth against the duvet, slowly creeping back into the land of the living inch by inch until I can see her outside of my hole by the door.

“Never let me drink againnnnn.” My hands find the bed, slamming them down in regret before smothering my face with my palms, trying to rub some life into my burning pupils.

“But you were having so much fun?”She is loving this.

“I feel like a ninety-year-old woman.” My body is stiff and cranky, rolling around the bed trying to loosen my glued-up joints when I realise, I'm in a pyjama top and pants.

“Did you-?”

“Nothing I've not seen before.” Just because I stripped in front of her, doesn’t give her permission to look at me without my consent. Her cocky grin is so smackable.

“Hayden!”

“You were trying to strip in front of me.” My face blows into a heat rash and I squeeze my eyes shut hoping this is a dream.I really am never drinking again.

“Calm downLove. I kept your underwear on.” A sigh of relief protrudes through my mouth, falling limp back into the bed and I want to go and dig my own damn grave in her back garden.“I told you.I won’t touch you.”I swallow my deceit. Because for some reason,that doesn’t comfort me anymore.I’m craving her touch like a flower craves the sun to grow. My thoughts take on a mind of their own, sickening sin flashes before me, picturing her using my vulnerable body and I close my legs underneath the duvet to try and ease my disturbed discomfort. She could have had me.But she didn’t.

She doesn’t think I see how she looks at me. How she undresses me with her eyes. Peeling away at my purity like a disease.

Her eyes shift to the glass of water on the bed side table, next to some pain killers and my insulin.

“Hurry up. I want to show you something.”

“If you promise not to make me drink again.” My body weight slumps into my hands.

“You’ll be begging for it when I'm done with youPuppet.” Her mysterious nature terrifies me.What the hell is that meant to mean? But I do as I'm told, swallowing my pills and performing my daily ritual before making my way to the living room, trying to focus on my feet but God I feel rough.

A few cardboard boxes scatter the coffee table and a giant leather gig bag lays on the sofa, a thick layer of grey dust has taken up residence on the lid.

“Is that what I think it is?” Where was she hiding that? She didn’t go back up into the loft, surely? She ushers me to open it and I do cautiously, unzipping it, lifting the lid and a beautiful rough auburn acoustic guitar with blistered marking, the samecolour as my hair, coated in gloss, pristine, sits in the bag. I line the shapes in the woodwork with the tips of my fingers. This is probably the most prized possession in this prison. It clearly means something to her otherwise it wouldn’t be in mint condition. Like an amethyst in amongst basalt rock.

Her presence consumes me, approaching me from behind slowly, reaching for the neck of the guitar and pulling it out carefully up above my head as she sits down to get comfortable with it.

“You’re only getting this once.” I'm beaming with excitement.She’s actually going to play!I watch her intensely as she tunes it up, fixated on more stories burrowed inside her flesh I've not seen before as the sun lights up the back of her hands. She squints in pain every time she strums a bum tune until she gets it right and it’s like second nature as her fingers begin to fall into a melody I've not heard before.

Wonderwall - Guitar Version

~And backseat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out.

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before but you never really had a doubt.

I don’t believe that anybody. Feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding.

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.

Because maybe,

You're gonna be the one that saves me.

And after all.

---