Page 5 of Collateral Damage

“Look, whatever I did, I am sure there is a better way around this.”Better way? What better way can I avenge her if not this! I don’t want to hear his pitiful lies or his grovelling, I don’t give a flying fuck if he bows at my feet and kisses my fucking boots.NOTHINGwill reverse the damage he caused me. I spent six years behind bars while he sat around sipping fucking tea and marrying a woman who had no idea of the man he really is!

“You don’t get it do you? There isn’t. If it means I have to set this house ablaze with both of us in it to ensure you suffer with me in hell, don’t think I won't. You are going down with me like you should have done eleven fucking years ago.Now Sit!” He jumps, stumbling for the sofa like a beggar, grovelling like a coward as my gun pushes her onto the sofa next to him.

“Did you really think your demons were not going to catch up with you one way or another? You would just move away and this would all just disappear?” He is still completely clueless. How he ever got a degree I will never know. He can’t even put the pieces together when I’m spelling them the fuck out. By the look on her tearful expression, she has no idea what I'm talking about. He really has tried to eradicate every part of his life beforeher, and she is none the wiser of the killer sat beside her, as well as in front of her. It’s ironic really. The most dangerous ones are the people you least expect. The way my father would shake my teachers’ hands but burn mine is a perfect example of that. I’ve had my fair share of betrayal to know that people like that don'tchange.

“It’s been a long time, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Every word, every smell. The way you shared her bed only to harm her, the way she pleaded before you and you hurt her anyway, you sick FUCK!” There is a shift in his eyes, that moment of realisation swallowing him, blocking his inability to speak as he looks at me, suddenly fearful of the masked woman in front of him. It makes me throb so hard I clench my jaw to ease my sickening desire to bleed him out. He knows this is no longer a game. The mind is a powerful thing. I had kept myself stable for so long, even when I wanted to let go and fall into my own head I refused to ruin my goal. But now it’s finally time to let go.Sanity was never my goal.

“Yeahhhhh…there it is. The realisation is suffocating you, isn't it?” I hum deeply to push his suspicions, my barrel still buried in her breasts as I tap his face gently to congratulate him for using his big boy brain, before sliding my hood down and slipping the mask off my face. By the bulging eyes nearly popping out of both of their heads, my face is clearly even more frightening than my false identity and I can't lie, that brings me so much twisted joy.

He’s staring into the face of a woman he stole from, and I wish I could frame the terror in his eyes and put it on my wall. It’s like his bad dreams have finally come to life, a movie of his forgotten past replaying on a broken tape, as I glare through him with years of haunting pain. He already knows there is no way out of this by the way his Adam's apple bobs, disappearing into the rapid heartbeat beneath his chest.

“Surprise…”

C H A P T E R 3

PLEAD YOUR SINS

Puppeteer

Play - ‘Destiny - NF’

It looks like he has so much to say but I’ve sucked the life from him and it’s fucking beautiful. Fear is its own font of beauty that I have fallen in love with. I slide the flick knife from my front pocket.

“It doesn’t have to be like this. I will do anything you want; I regret what I did every day, she-” he has the audacity to try and victimise himself still when he’s staring death in the face? This man’s more delusional than I thought.And they called me crazy?I cut him off before he can utter another pointless word.

“DONT!... utter her fucking name. I don’t want your fucking pity. I don’t want to hear your apology. I don’t give a flying fuck how you feel. I want your confession!...” Poking the sharp point underneath his chin, digging into his Adam's apple as I direct his focus to lock eyes with mine, I tilt my head in doll-like fashion waiting for his expression to paint a picture of confusion.

“My confession?”Yes, you sick fuck.

“I want you to tell me that you had no intention of ever loving her. That you believed my fathers twisted lies whilst he sat back and watched you tear a family apart. And that you purposely pulled that trigger.” Here comes the water works. I can see him conjuring up a sob story to keep him clean, but Iknow the facts. I was there that night. I saw everything. I saw the way he looked at her and the evidence in his hand from previously searching our home without a warrant. Being in bed with her did not equate to warranting her property. I wish I caught him snooping but I will give him credit. His A+ level acting had me and my mother both fooled. Maybe that is why I can't let this go. He wasn't a Father by blood, but he gave me a safe sense of security whilst sabotaging our lives behind closed doors. I am the lesser evil amongst men like him who walk this earth.

“Hayl- Hayden… Your father loved you and your mother. I couldn’t understand why you would take his life.” Hearing that sentence almost causes tunnel vision as a surge of untameable rage pumps through my veins, sparking my incessant urge to push his eyes into his skull until they pop under my thumbs and bleed him dry.

“Do you know what he used to do to her behind closed doors?! Huh?! To both of us?! No, you didn’t, because you were too tied up in his manipulative little bubble to see the bigger picture! She trusted you. She put her trust in you, even when she had none left to cling to and you shot her in the fucking chest for something I did!” I have him by the scruff of his shirt, my switchblade now surely doing some damage at such close proximity as I shake him around like a rag doll.

“She never told me Hayden. She hid the truth! What else was I meant to do!” I toss him back into the sofa, aiming my barrel square centre to his head watching my sight tremor with pure anger as I rest my finger on the trigger, the corners of my eyes fuzzy with heaving adrenaline. There is just something about someone staring death in the face that makes my eyes fight to not roll into the back of my skull. It’s exhilarating. Knowing their life is in the palm of your hands and they either breathe oxygen or choke on their own innards by your choice and yourchoice alone. It’s power. Power that I crave, power that I drown in. Power that I was deprived of for so long while underneath the very people who claim they do good in the world and keep women and children safe. Where were they when I needed them to help? They threw me behind bars andexiledme for trying to do exactly what they proclaimed. Where were they when my mother needed help? They turned a blind eye because they are all sexist pigs. It’s amazing what you can get away with in the face of the law and political structure. This man walked free with not so much as a slap on the wrist and the fucker wasn’t even remotely in danger. Yet I suffered and endured the worst kind of treatment all because I wasn't wearing a damn badge?

“You were meant to leave us the fuck alone. But you just couldn’t do it, could you? You just couldn’t leave it the fuck alone.” All of this could have been avoided if he had just listened. Read between the lines,the dumb fuck.

“She wouldn’t want this for you.” I clench my jaw so tightly I'm pretty sure I just chipped a tooth, grinding them to ease the dire need to make him choke on his words and vomit them back up, make him gag on my barrel and fire into his sorry excuse of an existence. This vindictive prick is playing the therapist on death's door trying to make me feel something like there is some redemption left inside me. It’s amusing. Really. He has no idea of themonsterhe’s awoken, the animal he’s caged, starved and poked. I want blood and I'm going to get it, but it’s fun to watch him think he’s getting through to me. It will make it so much more enjoyable for me when he realises the length I will go to just to prove him wrong and watch him suffer.

“Shut your fucking mouth, you aint got a damn clue what she would want. YOU put me behind bars. Remember?” He raises his hands, shielding himself from my aggression

“Let's just talk, ok. You can tell me everything, I will listen and understand.” Listen?Listen?! He wants to listen now? He's eleven years too fucking late!

“You’re kidding right? The damage is DONE. You got what you wanted. You got your freedom, your perfect little life. Nothing you say to me will make me believe you feel remorse. You lied to save your own ass.”

“I did what I felt was necessary. I was blind.” He can believe in his own lies as much as he wants. Cover it up and pretend he's a saint. But we both know he had a choice.

“No. You were just taking on the role you always have been deep down. AMurderer. Admit it. Admit you fired that gun on purpose.” He stutters, muttering another lie.

“I told you, the same as I told them, it was self-defence.” If I hear those words one more time, I WILL burn this house down with him still breathing.

“Bull shit! You knew damn well she was not going to hurt you! She was just protecting me!” On what planet would someone like my mother ever lay a hand on him. There was never a bad bone in her body.

“If you kill me now, you are no better than me Hayden. No better thanhim.” The difference is, I own what I am and I wear it with pride. I don't hide from it. I don’t run away and start a new life built on lies.

“I don’t plan on beingbetter. So it makes no odds to me.” If I planned on being better, I wouldn't have spent the last four years tracking him down? Does he really think that thought hasn't crossed my mind?

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