Page 27 of Collateral Damage

She is a power I cannot control.

“Do you want to hurt me? Will that give you power?” She has me all wrong and I want so desperately to show her that I'm not one of them but I see the Devil in me every day.

“Don't push meLittle Dreamer…” I lick my teeth, squeezing my jaw together trying to contain this unbearable urge to rip her fucking clothes off.

“Or what? You'll kill me?” I'll do far more than kill her, I'll bury myself 6ft inside her and listen to her beg for her fucking life as she makes our grave.

“Is this your plan? Push me until I give you what you want?” I ask sternly. She wants to die so badly, even when I'm trying to make this situation more comfortable for her, what fucking more does she want?

“What I want is for you to let me go.” My paint cracks as I roll a smile into it, pulling my hands up from my sides, waving them in a mocking fashion.

“Then why are you still standing here…” She huffs harshly, scolding me before pushing against my chest, slipping out from beneath me and heading straight towards the bedroom. I pursue her with little effort as my stride takes up two of hers and my boot wedges between the door as she slams it shut in my face, gripping the edge to stop it from flying back into the already abused wall.

C H A P T E R 17

SECRETS THAT LIE BENEATH

Puppet

“Now nowInnocence. We were finally starting to get somewhere.” Ughhhhhh, I hate her! The back of my legs find the bed, stumbling until I sit facing the door waiting for her to barge in behind me.

“Go away.” She’s gripping the door with her boot wedged between the door and the frame. She holds it and I wait for her to follow me in but she doesn’t. Instead, there is a thirty second pause before she slowly lets go, her body slipping away out of sight as she shuts the door for me.

“Fine. Have it your way.” My confusion peeks. A minute ago she blew up at me? Now she is leaving me be? I don’t understand. Why won't she fight me? Why won’t she just snap and end me quickly like she’s meant to? There is anticipation between the walls and I wait for her heavy boots to fade away but I hear nothing. She hasn’t moved an inch.

“I know you're still standing there.” I was an idiot to think today would be any different. Even uncuffed I am still caged. I don’t understand why she is being so friendly? What does she think she is going to get out of this, she is nothing but amonster.

“I didn't mean to hurt you.Ok?”Ok?She's attempting to make amends but the fury inside me doesn’t allow the empathy I hold to cling to the half-arsed sincerity just yet. I grip the sheetstightly, channelling my anger and the urge to scream through my fingers.

“You know. On second thought, just tie me back to the bed so I don't have to interact with you unless you can be arsed to check up on me.” She’s messing with my head, I hate her. I HATE HER. Just when I think there is something inside her other thanevilwe take ten steps back.

“I don’t expect you to understand me. I don't want you to understand. I know an apology isn't going to cut it but I'll say it anyway…it was never meant to be like this. You weren't meant to exist and I wasn't meant to be here much longer, alright? But plans change and there is shit I can't take back, you think I enjoy treating you this way?I don't.But I'm fucking trying here. OK?” A rock grazes the back of my throat as I swallow my guilt. Sitting on the conversation we just had. Part of me hates every inch of her for taking away the very thing she rebelled for, but in retrospect, if she hadn’t of stopped me that day, I would have easily let the voices in my head take over, I would have murdered her without a second thought, out of pain, out of revenge. If she had allowed me I would have ploughed that knife into her chest until I couldn't breathe.

I would havekilled someoneto try and ease the unbearable ache in my chest. She didn’t have to confide in me but she did. She lost someone important and her vengeance got the best of her. I glare at the door trying to find the words but I'm left empty. She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness, but she did deserve better too. I’m afraid to learn what went wrong in her life for her to become something she loathed. There is art in that,dark, potent art.

A few minutes pass by and we sit in each other’s silence before I make my way towards the door. Opening it slowly, I see her leaning against the bathroom door, her foot kicked back into the wood glaring at me like she knew I was going to comeout eventually and that in itself frustrates me, I shouldn’t even be giving her the time of day but I fear my loneliness is getting the best of me. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, earliers conversation was the most normal I've felt in a long time. She listened; she saw me. No one has ever taken interest in my hobbies, let alone understood them.

“You're really shit at apologising...” I hold the door, rubbing my bare foot against the floor as I refuse to look at her but I know she’s rolling her eyes. God forbid she apologise for hurting someone’s feelings.“I'm bored.” I kick the door gently, leaning my forehead down the seam trying to break the awkward silence that is swallowing us both whole.

“I could put a movie on? Don't think you'd like any of them though.” Her brow tugs at me, peeping at me through the hoods of her eyes.

“Try me...” She underestimates me.

“Me and my mom liked horror.” I suck in my bottom lip, lost in thought as I think about all the horror movies that I love.

“You got Saw?” I can't see much of her expression underneath the paint but I can tell she is disturbed by my response and it makes me giddy inside.

“I'm sorry. Did you just say, Saw? Isn't that too gory for you?” I glare at her blankly. Considering the crap I have gone through in the last month; a gory movie should be a walk in the park.

“Thanks to you, gore is the least of my worries.” A bitter smile makes itself known, grinning at her with ill intent. That was meant to be mean, and I hope it hurts.

“Saw it is.” She lifts herself off the door, ready to walk towards the living room and I blurt out like word vomit.

“On one condition…” It comes out without thinking and I don’t really know what I’m asking. It could be dangerous, and I know it shouldn’t matter but if she’s trying as much as she says then I deserve to know.

“Do I have a choice?” She halts and turns to face me, waiting patiently for my response knowing very well she doesn’t.

“You tell me your name.” I know she doesn’t want to tell me, but if she wants us to be‘friends’then we need to be on a first name basis. She somehow knows mine. It’s only fair.

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