Page 2 of Collateral Damage

WITHERING FLOWER

Puppet

30th October 2009

Freedom.

I say it like I don't live in the absolute middle of nowhere, the kind of home people could only ever dream of. It takes me an hour just to get to the nearest town by car, if that isn’t freedom I don't know what is. But that is not the kind of freedom I mean. I mean no strings attached. It can be so tiresome living with health conditions. I just wish to be normal. Strict parents and absolutely no social life doesn’t exactly scream freedom, does it? yet I’m such a free spirit. I live in the clouds, spending the majority of my time daydreaming about the what ifs. I have goals I want to someday achieve, which is not easy when your parents have already plotted out your entire life for you. I love them dearly and I couldn’t ask for a better pair of clean freak overly protective, love smothering parents, but having a quick wit and a big house doesn't exactly work in your favour when you can’t even hold a conversation.

“You better be coming to my party tomorrow Rara!” My girl Kacey invited me to her annualHalloween party and I am going to feel like an absolute flake if I don’t go. She’s pretty adamant that I attend and she has been banging on about it for weeks, I just know that the answer will benoand it makes me want torip my hair out so I’ve avoided the question and tried to make excuses as to why I haven't asked Mommy dearest yet. Besides, she's now made plans and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell her, Kacey still won’t take no for an answer. She is desperate to hook me up with someone and I'll be quite honest, I am eighteen and I've never even held a boy's hand. It’s about time I put myself on the market,I guess?

“I’ll be there!” I smile awkwardly, praying she can’t see the nervousness in my face as we pull up in front of my gate.

“I’m sure your mom will understand, it’s Halloween!”

“I gotta dash, but don’t forget to text me! Love ya!” She blows me a kiss before beeping her goodbyes as I hop out of her pearly white Audi and make my way to my front door. It’s about a five-minute walk so I plug in some tunes until I get inside where mom is cooking. Only one meal smells this damn good.Spaghetti Bolognese!

“Hello baby girl! How was college?” I brave a smile and put my duffle bag down on the countertop. College is so boring and the majority of the time I am on my own but if I say that they will probably kick up a fuss and end up in my head teachers office about howthe girls need to interact with me more.

“It was good.” The only good thing about college these days is the journey home where I can blast music and write my silly little stories.

“Are you still up for the movies tomorrow? I can book your favourite pizza place before we go?”Oh god,here we go… I already know where this is going. I could just say I asked mom and she said no, but Kacey will see straight through me.I am a terrible liar.

“About that. Erm. Kacey is holding a small get-together at her place for Halloween and I was wondering if I could go?” I'm almost biting my tongue off trying to manifest her saying that itwould be totally OK for me to go to a party with alcohol and boys andprobably drugs. Literally my mom’s worstnightmare.

“Sweetheart. You know how I feel about parties. And you know I am not big on her either.” This is getting old and I'm starting to lose my patience.

“Mom, it's not a party, just a few friends and food.” I tighten my shoulders, giving her puppy eyes to try and cover up my dishonesty. Friendsmeaning hundreds andfoodmeaning enough alcohol to knock out a horse.

“You forget I was your age once. Hard to believe I know,” she huffs a gentle smile, the golden accents in her hair shimmer against the setting sun through the window. She's right, It is hard to believe when you look at her. She is the perfect Mom, her whole life sorted with the perfect job and she looks so beautiful and pure it's hard to imagine she was ever a rebellious teen once. But she also had the freedom to do so, whereas I do not. Doesn't that count for something? You'd think she'd at least let me experience it once.

“She is a bad influence Lora.” I roll my eyes quietly.

Play - ‘Wake Up - NF’

“She is the only semi decent friend who's nice to me.” Kacey isn't exactly the most amazing person, but she is the only person who's given me the time of day and speaks to me like I am a human being, like our friendship means something. She does some questionable things… Like hooking up with a younger teaching assistant in the disabled toilet… And put alcohol in almost every English teacher's coffee before flirting her way out of a fail… I won't carry on. But besides that, she respects me and likes me for who I am.I think?

“Exactly my point. I don't trust her, she's the definition of plastic. You've watched mean girls, and besides, it will ruin your schedule.” Kacey is the definition of a blonde baddie. We arecomplete opposites with her beach wave curls and her sandy skin with a killer body, next to me. A nerdy brunette with the figure of a stick and no appealing features going for me besides my eyes.I like my eyes.My parents take her at face value, they have only met her a handful of times and every encounter is more embarrassing than the last, so now we just hang at college or before when we walk together with our coffee.

Dad walks in through the double doors to the kitchen with a crumpled up roll of newspaper, his eyes glued to the pages. He's a former detective but I know he misses it. I will never understand why he dropped out. I have told him multiple times to pick it back up but he tells me he's happy, and that this life is what he wantedfor me. That he was too absent in the life of catching criminals, yet he spends the majority of his life in the office anyway, so I don't see what the difference is, we barely have a relationship anymore.

“Dad. Please tell her I'm old enough to look after myself.” I scowl at him, ready to give him my best face but he doesn't even acknowledge me, still fixated on the passage he's reading, throwing his finger at Mom shaking it gently.

“I'm with your mother on this munchkin. She has nothing but bad intentions and it’s bad enough you being around her at college.” I throw my arms in the air before slamming them back down on the marble countertop,he can't be serious right now.

“This is not fair!” I'm so tired of being controlled, I'm losing my mind.

“We are only looking out for you, plus; your mother made plans with you, don't be rude.”Don't be rude!Are they kidding me! My inner anger spirals in my chest. I am such a quiet person at the best of times, and I also hate confrontation but I'm reaching the end of my tether. I have been eighteen for eight months now and they still treat me as if I'm fresh from the womb.

“I never get to go anywhere or do anything! I'm eighteen now, I'm literally an adult. When are you guys going to see that?” Everything inside me wants to break and scream at the top of my lungs.

“We can see that, but your health comes first and partying and alcohol will not do well with your blood sugar levels, we have talked about this.” I've not been able to do anything remotely fun my entire life. The most exciting thing I did was move, which I can barely remember because I was too young. I have never left the country, nor have I done anything that may remotely mess up my schedule. They treat a holiday like a trip to the hospital, it’s exhausting and I've had enough. They preach that my health comes first, but mentally I am deteriorating.What's a life for if you can’t live it?

“You cannot let my diabetes rule my life. And you can't keep using it to control myfreedom!” Frustration laces my voice, irritation building in the back of my teeth. I’ve never blown up, about anything, I don't dare disrespect them, but it seems to have gotten me nowhere in life.I am a doormat.

“Please do not raise your voice young lady. And you can't be too careful during Halloween. Who knows what is behind those costumes.”He can’t be serious right now?He’s going to try and use Halloween as a scapegoat for my safety?

“You're actually being ridiculous. You think a serial killer disguised as bad cops and clowns is gonna kill me on the one night in the entire year I've actually left the building besides putting my head in books?” I slouch on the kitchen stool, my index fingers lining between my brows and down the bridge of my nose, rubbing a brewing migraine from this bickering that will get me absolutely nowhere.

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