Page 108 of Collateral Damage

“Then never, I'll wait…”She recites my mother’s words and I realise, this is for her, but this is also for my mother and the justice she deserves. I need to pay for her death as well as myLittle Innocenceand all the pain that came with it.

“You are, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever graced my entire existence. I got to be loved by you, shown I’m more than just a monster, shown that love can be beautiful and it’s so fucking beautiful. You broughtHayleyback. And I will happily do whatever it takes to give you a better life, do you hear me?”

Silence fills the thick tension weighing us both down as her eyes brighten with that hope I’ve been searching for, never letting it dull before the front door bursts open, making us both flinch as we cling to one another harder, terrified to let go.Has it really already been a minute?

Several heavy boots infiltratemy home,Sheps protest becomes louder at the disruption from behind the bedroom door. I command him to come and sit next to us on the bed as I grab his collarand memories flood my mind. Memories I'd kept bottled up for years. The day they took me I fought like hell, I got a few hefty bruises and the shit kicked out of me. Another thing unethical about people wearing badges. But back then, I didn’t feel I deserved it. I wanted justice, I didn’t feel like I'd done wrong, I wanted my mom. I wanted to grieve in peace. Instead I was dragged to a station and thrown behind bars for the next six years.

Now? Now is different. Now I deserve it and I won’t fight. I won’t falter.I’ll simply Obey.

“Sunflower!...”She whispers through broken cries and I feel all my promises fall out my mouth. Because I can’t do anything. I can’t stop this. I can’t change the outcome. It’s useless now.

“I’m afraid I can’t stop this timebaby… Neither of us are in control now.” I whisper into her temple as my tears taint herloose hair framing her face, my hand gripped tightly around the back of her head like I’m never going to let her go.

They approach the bedroom door, busting it open and my heart leaps out my throat, grabbing at her tighter, barely able to hear myself think over Shep’s barking but I run my fingers through his thick coat, saying my goodbye without words.I’m already pushing it.

“I’m going to need you to step away from the girl Miss. Moore!” he orders, as two or three more men enter the room, surrounding us on the edge of the bed.

“You need to let gobaby… Let go. You need to hold Shep. Please.” I squeeze her wrists, tugging them as I attempt to pull her off me but she resists, trying to cling to my neck.“Babyplease, let go. He needs you, ok?”

She finally releases, reluctant but forces her hands away slowly as she grabs for his collar but I know she won't be able to hold him for long. She’s glaring at me, as does Shep and I can’t bare to look at either of them, hating that I may never see either of them again, wanting to kiss her again but we both know we can’t and my chest tightens, hearing her say the words I dread to hear one last time.

“I Love You. Hayden.” She whispers quietly, quivering with fear and now I'm the one struggling to let go, as I back up off the bed towards the door, obeying their command. I let them lead me towards the living room with a gun firmly placed against the back of my head and my arms gripping the back of my neck. I still can’t find the words to say it back. Because if I do. It will only be harder for her. So I don’t say anything as I raise my hands,going willingly.At least this way I can vow to say it to her the day I get out. What's a promise if you can’t keep it?

“Hayden!” The bedroom door locks with Shep inside, whining through the uncomfortable silence lingering inside my prison cell and her feet thud the floor as I hear her run from thebedroom and I squint with fear.She needs to stay there. They are armed. This will have all been for nothing if they open fire!

“Please! Listen to me!” She yells at the swat team, grabbing for me as she walks in front of me. Preventing me from leaving and even the night I infiltrated her home, the night I held her life in my hands, the day she almost got taken from me, I have never seen this level of fear on her face. I’ve never seen anything like it,from anyone.

“Alora. Let. Go. You need to let me go.” I grab her with malice, trying to force her away but she fights, refusing to move and my heart rate thunders in my chest.

“You need to listen to me! She doesn’t deserve this! You need to hear her out! Please!” She pleads, attempting to push me back but I know what officers are like and she's playing with her life.She should know this.Trying to contain my frustration at her stupidity.“I need her! Please don’t take her away from me!” I scrunch my face in pain as my cheeks become swamped in tears,fearing for her safety.

“Alora, baby.Let me go. Just trust me.” She makes her stand as the palms of her hands grip my waist.She’s willing to risk everything.Shep’s barks get frantic from the distance as he tries his hardest to claw his way through the door.

“You need to move Ma’am or we will not hesitate to shoot.” My blood runs cold, watching her defend me until the very end, like her life is disposable to save my pathetic life and suddenly I don’t see her.

I see mymother. I see herfather. I see my past. My biggest mistake. I see all the things I didn’t do. All the things that could have been avoided if I'd of just intervened. I could have saved her life that day but I didn’t. I stood idly by as I watched them take the one good thing I had away from me like it was nothing.Like she was nothing.And I refuse to make that mistake again. After everything, I watch her put her life on the line to keep meand deep down, I envy the fight in her. Fight I wish I had.The same fight my mom had.The fight to defend the one youLoveuntil the very end.I should have died that daybut I'm still here.

She ignores them, still pleading my case but we are running out of time and I can see the annoyance on his face as he aims his weapon at her chest. History has a funny way of repeating itself. But it also gives you another chance to do the right thing. To redeem yourself.

To do better.

Well, this is me doing better,

…

This is for you, Mom.

I grab her arm, yanking her beside me as I use my body as a human shield, knowing she would never have moved, so I made that move for her, and I never really knew true pain until this very moment, as I mouth how sorry I am.

Lovereally does conquer all. And it also kills you. But some people are worth dying for.

I understand it now, as I look at her with nothing but peace.

This is my peace.

…

“I Love You.Alora.”

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