Page 107 of Collateral Damage

“Hayden, you need to run. Now!” She forces a whisper as she clings onto my face. And so what if I did run? We wouldn’t both get out, there is nothing we can do. I’d rather go with them than run for the rest of my life without her in it. At least this way I may see her again, behind a glass window.

“No…” I say gently, twitching my lip and my words slice through her, cutting me in the process. She is absolutely terrified and all I can do is say sorry for not doing this sooner. When she hated me, things were simpler. When I was not inLovewith her. When she could have walked away and forgotten all about me.

“What do you mean?! Hayden they will take you away!” She looks almost angry as she tugs on my arm, trying to move me but I’ve already decided I'm not going anywhere, breaking my own heart as she tries desperately to save me from myself,not realising that is exactly what I am doing.

“Let me do this,for you.” Her forehead scrunches, trying to make sense of what seems ridiculous, clawing at my skin to get off the bed.

“Hayden no! No! Don’t say that!” I hate seeing her cry. It crushes any ounce of kindness I have left. It’s the reason we are in this mess. Seeing her cry as I left her to die. It made me realise how frightened she truly was and I saw every bit of myself in her.

“Let me do this. I need to do this. Listen to me.” She refuses, shaking her head as her face becomes wet, clinging to my forearm with desperation. I grab her head as nicely as I can, trying to shake some sense into her. “Listen!...to me.”

She stops thrashing, concentrating on me like she's dying.

“Let me. I’ll serve my time and we will finally be free. Truly free, to live without fear, without hiding. I’ll be able to give you the life you deserve. All I ask is that you wait for me…Canyou do that?”Her soft admirable gaze shifts and my heart jams, dreading that her hatred has stemmed too quickly.

“You said to me, that you are only found if you want to be found.” Her realisation seeps into her bloodshot eyes as she analyses the way I react to her words, swallowing slowly with guilt.“Was that what yesterday was? Is that what we were doing? Trying to out yourself?” In the beginning no. But I guess I did exactly that… There was always a possibility we were going to get caught. For a while now I'd thought she’d be better back to normality. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. I want to do right by her and I just hope one day she’ll see that.

“No…” I squeeze her harder but her expression doesn’t let up, glaring at me with glossy eyes and a heavy anger burning within her.

“Liar.You’re lying to me!” Her nails dig into my skin but I endure it. Letting her hate me. Letting her feel this, as much as I hate it, it would be easier this way.

“Alora, please understand, I'm doing this for you.” I don’t know what else to say and there is nothing really I can say to change the way she is feeling in this moment, only reassure her.

“You knew. You knew this whole time didn’t you? That's why you made me take my helmet off, isn't it?Why you were acting so strange? Why you made love to me? Made me promise? Let me in?”I answer with a look that I know she understands, rubbing at her wet cheeks with defeat plastered all over my face. A sorry without words as I gently shake my head but she's slipping.

They bang again. More violently, carrying a heavy notion of destruction that sticks to us once they get through that door.She flinches out of her skin, clinging to me tighter trying to understand her own emotions.

“Hayden please, please don’t do this- you said you’d never leave me again!...”

“I did say that, didn't I.And it’s because I said that, I'm doing this.” I’m just hoping one day she will understand it, when her head is clearer.

“WE ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU SIXTY SECONDS TO COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR OR WE ARE COMING IN!” they yell through the door, making her squeeze me desperately, knowing the entire property is most likely surrounded with weapons and armed men. She needs to cooperate with me or this may end in a blood bath.

“I’m so scared, Hayden I'm so scared!...” I pull her into a hug, clutching to her with everything I have left in me, realising she really will be starting all over again.Maybe this was more trauma than it was worth. She doesn’t deserve any of this…

“I’m so sorry…”I whisper down her ear, before pulling her into a kiss I wish would last forever. A kiss I stain her lips with. A kiss I want a permanent reminder of while I wait for her on the other side. While I spend the next chapter of my life in a box until I can see her beautiful little face again. See her dimples again. Hear her angelic laugh again. Until I can have her in my arms again.

She pulls away slowly like she's angry to engage in our last moments and it pains me seeing her resent me.

“Babylook at me.” She glares down at the floor like she’s embarrassed to weep for a love that was impossible.

“Look. At. Me.” I snatch her chin as I run my fingers through her knotted locks and I’ve never seen her look so fucking broken.“You’re going to be, ok?I promise.”My words seem to snake up her spine as she tries to pull away from me trying to hug her own forearms.

“Don’t! Don’t make promises you can’t keep!” I hate this, I hate this so much. I just want to take her pain away, I want to absorb her suffering until its part of my fucking DNA. I want to hold her so tightly and tell her why she’s the best goddamn thingthat has ever happened to me with words but we’ve ran out of time.

“This isn’t about me. It's about you. You’re so fucking strong. God I wish I had the strength you possessed.” She grips at my wrists as I hold her cheeks firmly in my hands, wiping her stray rivers.

“I’m only strong because I have you! How do I stay strong if you’re not here!” The cracking in her tears is only making this harder and this knot in my throat is threatening to suffocate me.

“It has nothing to do with me. This is all you. I am the root of everything that has caused you pain! All the strength you hold. It’s all because you are a survivor!...” I’m looking for even a sliver of hope in her eyes but there is nothing. She’s giving me absolutely nothing but betrayal.

“But I don’t want to be!” Her words shatter the remnants of my fractured heart and I squeeze tighter, like that will mend her back together as I rest my head roughly against hers.

“Then you survive,For me.”She needs to hold on. It’s not over, I’m not worth her life and one day she’ll realise it but she needs to hold on. I know how empty loss can be. I know how much damage it can inflict on an already broken heart, but I refuse to let her walk that path again.

“I can’t lose you again. I won’t!” I’m seething through tears I despise trying to push past my lashline and it stings but she needs to see this. I need to be raw with her so she can understand how truly undeniable my words are. What she means to me. That everything I’m doing right now.I’m doing for her.

“They may never let me out… But If they do. I hope you’ll be waiting for me.” My dam breaks, as our soaked cheeks merge our tears, taking in her stupidly beautiful eyes, even puffy with silly tears meant for me.

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