Page 100 of Collateral Damage

“Where are we?”

Play - ‘I Found - Amber Run’

“Follow me.”I take her hand with one of mine and slide the other one in my pocket, leading her under the bridge that holds a few containers until you walk out onto an open dock that has a perfect view of Chicago over the lake, mirroring it against the water to make the perfect illusion of a world underneath us.

“Wow-” She gazes as the sun hits her face and I don’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful. I’ve never seen her eyes in the sun like this. They are like balls of molten magma. Her own reflection of the sun that heats you up when you look into them.

I walk to the edge of the dock, hanging my feet over the edge as she follows, mimicking me and we wallow in the sound of the water crashing against the concrete wall before I confess why I really brought her here. I guess it's less romantic when you put it into words. It's actually kind of depressing but she wanted to know me.

…

“Her ashes were spread here.” I glare out over lake Michigan. And something’s different. Like she’s here with me or something. I can feel her in the air, like she’s watching over me and I hate that she’s not here right now to meet her. I look over to see her looking right back at me and suddenly I'm not afraid to feel vulnerable with her. I’ve never taken anyone here, nor have I ever shared that with anyone. “She’d have loved you.”

I can feel tears creeping in but I try to swallow them back down, finding it harder as she looks at me like she’s never been happier and right now.Neither have I, as morbid as that is.

“I’d have loved her too.” Her words crack my shell, fumbling for her hand, keeping my focus on the water ahead of me because what I'm about to say will only make it harder if she’s looking at me and I take a deep breath.

…

“She used to tell me this story. About happiness. About how at one point in her life, she couldn’t find it. And she was told one day by some jackass that it didn’t exist. That it was a myth. That happiness never amounted to anything. Although she kept fighting. Looking for it. She knew that this couldn’t be it. There must be more out there for her. So, she looked him dead in the eyes and said.‘Then never, I'll wait.’And she did. She waited. And waited. And then I came along. She used to tell me this because I was herhappiness. And she told me when I couldn’t find it, to hold on, because one day you’ll find it in the most peculiar way.” I squeeze her fingers between mine, struggling to catch my breath but her little fingers reach for my face, forcing me to face her, wiping my cheeks and I'd swat her hand away if she didn't look so sweet.“And she was absolutely right.” My words bring her to tears and I guess that is as close asI'm going to get to saying the words I know she wants to hear. Maybe one day I'll say it. But just not today.

“You,Alora D'arcy Blackthorne. Are my god damn fucking happiness.” Her eyes scan mine full of questions. Like how I knew her middle name but I answer before she has a chance to ask.“I did some digging. Turns out there is some information if I have your name.”

She chippers up, giggling into my shoulder as I wipe her eyes.

“It's beautiful here.” It's not amazing but it's enough. And besides home, I'm close to her here. I guess this is sort of a goodbye. But a goodbye I know she'd want. Finally wanting to do something with my life hasn't exactly been easy and she knew that more than anyone.

I stand to my feet, pulling her up with me and I can't even believe I'm about to do this.Again.

“Dance with me.” I tug her into my chest, locking my fingers with her left hand, wrapping her waist with mine as I rest my head on her and it's not the tango. But it's as much as I'll allow, so we slow dance and consume each other like the world is going to end tomorrow, a moment I wish I could relive on a loop. One of those memories that keep you clinging to hope. Her fingers dance between mine, playing with them as she runs along the creases in my palms like she's trying to read my future.

“What do you see?” I hum quietly into her neck.

“Us. In Spain. Drinking pina coladas and eating coconuts. As we slow dance in the sea.” I smile against her temple, finding much amusement in how scarily specific that is and how I could quite easily see us there right now.

“Close your eyes…” I place my palm over her face, trying to make her imagine it and she can't for one second take it seriously, sniggering into my chest as I lick my teeth at thisblasphemy.

“Fine. I'll just get a better set.” She dips a brow, peering up at me as I pull away, making my way back to the bike.

“Hey! Wait for me!”

C H A P T E R 58

FREEDOM

Puppet

Play - ‘Paradise - Coldplay’

We pull up into an empty car park, surrounded by nothing but trees and bike racks that look out onto the most beautiful view of the beach as the sun is slowly setting between the sea and the sky. A view I've never had the pleasure of experiencing until this very moment and it’s everything I hoped it would be.

I hop off, struggling to keep my balance as I throw my leg over, now a little more confident in myself but she still has to catch my fall.

“I thought you said you’d let me fall next time.” Her brow peaks before momentarily moving her arm to let me fall, catching me again after I scream into the salty air.

“I’d rather your pretty little face stayed intact.” Her compliment disguised with an insult makes me flush. Some things never change but I'd never change her witty nature. It’s what got me in this mess in the first place.

“Last one there is a rotten egg.” I waste no time sprinting towards the water as fast as my little legs will allow me to and nearly trip as I flip my shoes and socks off, feeling the sand between my toes, the remnants of its warmth against my skin as the cool evening breeze takes its place. It’s so peaceful I couldcry. This tranquillity amongst chaos is never something I will get bored of. I had so much in Indiana but there was something about the stillness and silence of a sleeping city that felt electronic inside of me. Its rarity was indescribable. Like an off switch for mother nature when she tires of us. A concrete jungle full of sleeping lions. Silence in a city is one of the rarest and most peculiar things but it’s beautiful because it’s still beaming with life.

---