Page 59 of Before the Storm

“It’s strange, isn’t it? Nantucket gossip is so powerful. It’s Nantucket’s main energy source, especially through the winters. But how come we never knew Bob wasn’t your dad?”

“I think people were frightened of him,” Josie offered quietly. “They knew not to spread his dirty secrets where he didn’t want them to go.”

Tara nodded.

“I still can’t believe he didn’t kick Mom out when she told him,” Josie offered. “Do you think that means he really loved her?”

“I think he loved her,” Tara said thoughtfully. “But I also think he was frightened of being alone.”

“Aren’t we all?” Josie asked.

Tara smiled sadly. “We’ve both been alone too much.”

“And now Mom will know what it’s like, I guess.”

Tara’s face fell.

But already, they were turning into the parking lot beside the cemetery. The rain hadn’t let up, and as they headed to the big iron gate, they unfurled their umbrellas and tucked themselves close together for warmth. Their mother was waiting for them at the top of the lane in a big raincoat that proved she knew the intricacies of Washington rain. She wasn’t a Nantucket woman any longer.

Josie walked slowly, her arm laced through Tara’s. Cindy seemed anxious to get to the burial plot, as though Bob would say something about how tardy they were. Maybe Cindy would never be able to break out of that pattern. She’d always think Bob was going to be angry with her about something.

Josie’s husband, Joe, hadn’t been like her father. But then again, Joe hadn’t loved Josie very long. So who had won? Cindy and Bob? Or Josie and Joe?

Maybe it wasn’t a competition, Josie thought, smiling to herself.

Bob Steiner was buried three rows from a big black fence and directly next to a friend of his named Steve, who’d passed away three years ago.

“It’s good Steve and Bob are together,” Cindy said as she knelt to touch the dirt over his plot lovingly. “They were always up to no good.”

Josie decided not to ask what that meant. Whatever Bob and Steve had done out west was none of her business.

Cindy continued to gaze down at the burial plot. There wouldn’t be a gravestone for another six weeks, she told herdaughters. Cindy sounded filled with regret, as though he should have had a gravestone by now.

“That’s how these things go,” Tara said. “You can’t beat yourself up about it.”

Cindy bowed her head, and her raincoat hood fell. Rain dotted her hair.

“Tara told you, didn’t she, Josie?” Cindy asked, still looking down at the dirt.

Josie made a soft noise in her throat. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand out here in the chill. She was okay with dying; she’d made her peace with it. But she didn’t want to die because she’d spent too long at Bob Steiner’s grave.

“She told me,” Josie said.

“Good,” Cindy said. She got to her feet and turned to give Josie a look that startled her. She set her jaw. “I want to tell you how sorry I am. I want to ask for your forgiveness.”

Josie was caught off guard. Leading up to their trip to Seattle, she’d only wanted Tara and Cindy to forgive one another. She hadn’t needed anything from Cindy herself.

“The way we brought you up wasn’t right,” Cindy said, her voice wavering. “When I first realized how he was going to treat you, my darling daughter, I should have left him. But I was weak. I’m still so weak.”

Josie’s arms hung at her sides. The rain pattered strangely on the umbrella over her, and Tara had begun to shiver.

Josie wasn’t sure what came over her after that. But suddenly, she heard herself say, “You should come back to Nantucket with us.”

Cindy’s eyes widened, but she remained quiet.

“I don’t know how much Tara has told you,” Josie said, “but I’ve gone through many treatments, and I’m exhausted. I want nothing to do with all that poison, and I want to live out the rest of my life in peace, no matter how much longer that is.”

Beside her, Tara’s shaking abruptly stopped, and she twisted around to glare at Josie. Cindy remained captivated.

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