Page 39 of Before the Storm

She wasn’t sure how to tell Tara about it. She didn’t want to confess that she’d called their mother because she knew Tara wasn’t sure she wanted to see their parents at all. Maybe Tara would see it as a breach of their agreement, a crossing of boundaries.

But what was done was done.

Tara floated into the house a few minutes later. She found Josie with her laptop still open.

“You’re still up!” Tara sounded dreamy.

“I am. How was it?”

Tara raised her arms over her head and swept her fingers through her hair. She then collapsed on the sofa beside Josie and pulled a blanket around her.

“I never know what will happen next,” Tara said. “But gosh, I like his eyes.”

Josie recognized how kind, soft, and easy Tara was. It was the best possible time to tell a white lie.

“I want to hear everything,” Josie said.

“I’ll tell you. Eventually.” Tara closed her eyes. “But right now, I have to process it.”

“I get it,” Josie said. She hesitated, then said, “By the way, I booked our flights to Seattle.”

Tara raised her eyebrows. “Wow! You did?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first,” Josie said. She searched for a lie and added,“I had a special deal on my credit card, but I could only use it till the end of the week. And, you know. Time is of the essence right now. For me, anyway.”

“Of course,” Tara said thoughtfully. “When do we go?”

“Two days from now.”

Tara let out a funny laugh. “Okay. Wow.” She pulled her hair into a bun that she immediately let fall. “You think it’s okay that we aren’t going to call them first? I mean, maybe I’ll get there and chicken out.”

Josie panged with guilt for not explaining more. But she was terrified Tara would back out when she learned how “messy” their mother sounded.

“Let’s just go over there and see how you feel,” Josie said.

“Maybe you’ll want to back out, too,” Tara suggested.

“I doubt it. I really do.”

We need to mend the past,Tara, she did not say.This is the only way I know how.

It was hard to believe they were on their way to Seattle. Upon her bedspread, Josie put her suitcase and piled it with sweaters and pants and skirts and shoes, half of everything she’d broughtfrom Manhattan to Nantucket in the first place, and tried her darnedest to imagine what it would be like to see their parents again. Although she was sure she could pull up a social media profile for one of them, at least for their mother, she hadn’t dared, frightened as she was, about how she would feel about how much older they’d gotten.

She’d already heard how much older her mother sounded on the phone. It terrified her.

Time had had its way with all of them.

Josie wondered what it would be like for them when she told them she was dying.

No parent ever thought they’d outlive their child.

She guessed it was best to fly out to Seattle and see what happened.

More than anything, she was surprised Tara had agreed to go. Probably later, when Tara found out Josie wasn’t even considering the new cancer treatment, she’d put up a fight. Maybe she’d say,I went to Seattle. You owe me.

Maybe that would be their final fight—the fact that Josie wasn’t holding up her end of the bargain.

But Josie was resolute. She wouldn’t enter another hospital. She wouldn’t fight for a life that, it seemed, no longer belonged to her. She’d given herself over to cancer last year and the year before that. She’d given cancer enough of her time.

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