Page 36 of Before the Storm

“I ran into Johan last night,” Tara said finally because she wanted things to be normal between her and Josie and to feel connected again. Talking about boys was a way forward, even this deep into their forties.

Josie’s smile was enormous. “Tell me everything.”

“There isn’t much to tell. He was outside the wine bar and came in when he saw me. We, um, we might meet up later this week. At the wine bar. Because he hasn’t been before.”

Josie laughed. “I’m sure he’s only going because he hasn’t been before. I’m sure it has nothing to do with wanting to be there with you.”

“He needs friends,” Tara reminded her.

“He wants love,” Josie said. “He’s always wanted love from you.”

Tara rolled her eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. All night, she’d dreamed of him, of what it might be like to have him in bed with her, sleeping soundly in their private universe of warmth.

Tara pulled a sip of tea into her mouth. A seagull cawed out, louder than the others, as though it wanted to win something.

Tara wanted to pry Josie about the medical treatment. What was she thinking about it? But she didn’t want to sour the mood.

So instead, Tara asked, “How would we even get ahold of Mom and Dad? I don’t know where they are. I don’t know anything about them.”

Josie was quiet for a moment. “I’ve had Mom’s cell phone number for years.”

“How?” Tara was surprised. “Wait. Do you guys talk?”

“No, we don’t,” Josie said. “I haven’t talked to her since, well. Since Winnie was a toddler, I guess. But Joe used his contacts to get me her cell phone number once. And I’ve had it saved in my phone ever since.”

Tara couldn’t believe this. Their mother was just a phone call away. After all these years, it seemed practically impossible.

“Do you know where they live?”

Josie nodded. “Seattle.”

“For how long?”

“I’m not sure. Joe suggested they’d been there at least ten years,” Josie said.

“Seattle.” Tara closed her eyes as fear rolled over her. She’d never been there; she’d hardly been west at all. But to her, Seattle was dark and gray and rainy. Besides the ocean, it looked like a completely different planet to Nantucket. How had they ended up there?

But then Tara thought of something. “You talked to Mom after Winnie was born?”

Josie grimaced. “I didn’t want to tell you. I was just so angry with them. We needed their help with Winnie. We needed their help with everything. But it was a mistake to call. It was too soon after they left. All Mom said was something like, ‘We just couldn’t do it anymore.’ It didn’t make sense to me.”

Tara gaped at her and repeated, “We just couldn’t do it anymore?”

“So dramatic,” Josie said.

Tara wrapped her arms around her legs and sat in a tight ball. “Mom and Dad made it pretty clear they want nothing to do with us. Why would we seek them out?”

“Because life is too short.”

Tara closed her eyes and listened to her heart thud. “Maybe. Maybe we could just go to Seattle,” she offered. “I have a gap between events. I have time. And even if they don’t want to see us, I want to see where they live. I want to know what they left us for.”

Josie smiled. “We’re going to Seattle?”

“If you feel up to it!” Tara said, her voice higher in pitch than she’d planned for. “I know how tired you are.”

“I’m the strongest I’ll ever be right now,” Josie said. “And this is what I want.”

Tara sighed and rubbed her temples. Why was she doing this? Why was she going out of her way to experience heartache?

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