When they packed up the car, Josie hugged Tara for a long time. They were standing in front of Tara’s apartment building as soft snow whirled from thick New England clouds. Somehow, having Josie pick her up like this felt inevitable. It felt like she was always going to fail and have Josie come bail her out.
But Josie didn’t say anything like that.
In the car, Josie drove them back to Hyannis Port with the radio and the heater on full blast. Tara fell into the confident rhythm of her sister’s words and tried to get excited about the coming months.
“Mom and Dad are busy with church, as usual,” Josie was saying as they went, “and I haven’t seen much of them. But you know, I’ve been busy myself.” She winked at Tara.
Tara slapped Josie lightly on the shoulder. “You have a secret!”
“Maybe I do!” Josie cried, throwing her head back.
Tara knew what her sister was like when she fell in love. She was always louder and brasher than usual. It was as though she existed at the outer limits of herself. In high school, Tara had watched her sister anxiously, quietly, wondering if she would ever fall in love like that—with her whole body and soul. Ofcourse, Josie’s boyfriends came and went, but that was sort of how men were. Unreliable.
“Who is the guy?” Tara asked her now.
Josie pretended to zip her lips and throw away the key.
Tara groaned. “Why the secrecy?”
Josie raised her shoulders. “I don’t want to ruin it.”
Tara giggled and crossed her arms over her chest. Nausea bubbled in her stomach, but she swallowed it down and set her mind on not getting sick before they got home.
“What do you think Mom and Dad will say when I tell them I dropped out?”
Josie raised her eyebrows but remained quiet.
“I mean, you never went to college. Why should I?” Tara pointed out. “Maybe it won’t be a big deal?”
Josie’s smile dissipated. For the first time, Tara realized she didn’t know why Josie hadn’t gone to college after high school. Josie’s grades had been pretty good, or good enough to get her into a state school, at least. Why had she skipped out? Why hadn’t Tara ever thought to ask?
“Have you ever thought about going?” Tara asked, sounding tentative.
But Josie waved her hand. “Let’s not talk about boring things like school,” she said. “You’re coming back to Nantucket. Mom and Dad will handle it, or they won’t. You know how they are.”
However, their parents’ attitudes alternated depending on which sister they were talking to. Tara knew that although she’d never brought it up with Josie. With Josie, their parents were impatient. They picked fights with her over trivial matters and refused to help her when she needed it, which led to her never asking again. Tara had previously thought that Josie had just made a mess of things. But now, she wasn’t so sure.
Why was Tara the “favorite” daughter? Josie was more beautiful; she was more vivacious; she was more “alive” in so many ways.
It didn’t make sense.
But Tara decided to put it out of her mind for now. She had the rest of her life to figure out.
Josie had offered Tara the guest bedroom at her apartment in the Historic District of Nantucket. Tara had leaped at the chance to maintain her sense of freedom. It meant she could start “from scratch” outside the boundaries of her parents. It also meant she could plan how to tell them what was going on.
Josie parked in a snowy lot behind the old antique shop. It was three in the afternoon, and the sun had been tucked behind a thick blanket of clouds all day. Tara got out and stretched her arms over her head, craning her ears for the sounds of the Christmas Festival, the music of the carousel, and the laughter that always punctuated the air of downtown this time of year. But right now, there was nothing. Was it too early?
Josie sensed her unease. Heaving two suitcases out of the back of her car, she grimaced. “It’s canceled this year.”
Tara gaped at her, opening and closing her hands at her sides. “You have to be kidding me.”
“Mindy had a stroke,” Josie explained, turning away.
“Mindy?” Tara was stricken. Mindy had been in charge of the Nantucket Christmas Festival for as long as Tara and Josie had been alive. Every year, she’d dressed up as an elf and announced the best Christmas Festival floats and the Christmas Festival queen. “When did this happen?”
“It must have been early November,” Josie said. “But the stress of the festival is way too much for her this year. She needs to rest.”
“Why didn’t anyone step in?” Tara asked.