Page 56 of Before the Storm

“It was November of 2001 when he came home one night and told me Philip was back,” Cindy continued, her tone darkening. “He saw him at that same bar, and Bob tried to fight him. Philip announced he was on the island to ‘make contact with his daughter.’ He said it was obvious to everyone that Philip was Josie’s real dad. What’s more, Philip had heard just how unkind Bob had been to Josie over the years. You know that nothing is ever sacred in Nantucket. It’s all out in the open.” Cindy wet her lips. “Bob and I weren’t sure what to do. I reached out to Philip to ask him to give us a little time so that we could tell Josie ourselves. Philip said we had just a few weeks, and then he was going to approach Josie himself. I was panicked. My biggest fear, stupidly, was that Bob was going to leave me after everything. But I was also worried about how Josie would take it. Would shethink I’d wronged her all these years? I’d forced her to be raised by a man who wasn’t even kind to her!

“But it wasn’t so long after that you came home and planned the Christmas Festival and fainted in front of everyone,” Cindy offered. “Your dad was so worried. He nearly got into an accident when we drove up to the hospital to see you.”

Tara closed her eyes. She remembered being so small and frightened and pregnant. She remembered telling herself,Be brave and tell your parents the truth. They love you. They’ll always love you, no matter what.

Anger spiked in her chest. Tara had half a mind to jump up and run out to the rental car and drive away. But she couldn’t leave Josie here.

Cindy began to cry then. She gasped, took a tissue from the box, and dried herself up. “I don’t know what came over him after that. He refused to talk about you, about our grandchild, about the future. He was so enraged. Suddenly, he said, ‘to heck with all of them,’ and started throwing things into suitcases and boxes. I couldn’t understand it. I begged him to listen to reason. But he told me that you and Josie were thick as thieves; he told me the entire island thought our family was heinous and broken. He told me Philip had come back to ruin us. He sounded like a raving, angry man. What could I do? I packed up and followed him. We put up the house for sale and gave away everything we didn’t need. And suddenly, we were living in Dallas, Texas, far away from anyone we’d ever known.”

Cindy sat down on the other side of the sofa from Tara. It seemed as though she was scared Tara would reject her.

Tara wasn’t sure what to do.

“I felt so abandoned,” Tara whispered.

Cindy stared down at the floor and wrung her hands.

“I was pregnant and twenty-one and so, so scared,” Tara continued.

Cindy bowed her head. “It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the right thing.”

“Why did you go with him?” Tara breathed. “He was the problem. He was the one who didn’t love Josie. He was the one who was angry with me for getting pregnant.”

Cindy shook her head ever so slightly. “I was angry with you, too. We’d given you everything. You were supposed to be our perfect child. You were supposed to be our hope, our reason for being together.”

Tara felt irate. “I failed you.”

Cindy turned her head to look at Tara. “I know it sounds crazy. I know it isn’t right. And trust me, I’ve regretted it over the years. I’ve wanted to reach out to you. I’ve wanted to explain all of this.”

“Bob wouldn’t let you?”

It felt delicious to call her father by his first name. It created a wider gap between them.

“I wouldn’t have told him I called,” Cindy offered.

Tara let a long moment of silence pass between them. She closed her eyes and pictured herself, Josie, Donnie, and Winnie during those difficult early years. They’d needed Cindy so desperately. But they’d made do.

“You must hate me right now,” Cindy said.

Tara closed her eyes. She thought about Winnie, reaching out to Tara over and over again, and Tara reacting to her. She thought about Cindy rejecting Tara and regretted it ever since.

It was a vicious cycle. Could she ever overcome it?

Tara looked at her mother and took a breath. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

“But you’re broken because of me,” Cindy said.

Tara sucked in her cheeks. How could she answer that?

“I think all parents mess up their children,” Tara offered softly. “But we’re both here now. Like Josie keeps telling me, you and I have time to mend things. If we want to.”

Cindy’s eyes widened. Tara became suddenly aware of the sobering and thick smell of lilies. They were overwhelming. She hurried to the door, opened it, and sucked in fresh air. Rain pelted her cheeks and forehead. But now that she knew her mother and father’s story and understood just how messy it all had been, she felt strangely relieved.

The truth was supposed to set you free, she knew. She wasn’t sure if freedom was what she felt. But it was closer to it.

Cindy reached for a bottle of wine and shook her head. Tara closed the door.

“What are we going to do next?” Cindy asked as she refilled Tara’s glass.

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