Page 10 of Before the Storm

“Friends misunderstand each other all the time,” Stephanie assured her. “Explaining ourselves better and finding ways to forgive are beautiful processes. We’re all trying to get better at them all the time.”

Tara forced a smile and pretended that she’d gotten a lot from her meeting with Stephanie. But the reality was bleak.

The reason for Tara’s grief was now many years in her rearview mirror. But Tara was still grieving. She wasn’t sure there would ever be an end.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Stephanie asked. Her eyes were filled with meaning. It was as though she knew Tara was avoiding the “big” topics.

Tara shook her head. “Don’t think so!”

Grief therapy ended at five thirty. The sky was already inky black, and the temperature had dropped to nineteen degrees. Tara hurried to her car and turned up the heat full blast. She gasped for breath, trying to stabilize herself. What did she need to do next? Grocery store for dinner food? Or should she just pick something up?

Suddenly, there was a much-needed text from the Salt Sisters group chat.

HILARY: Anyone up for an impromptu dinner party? I want to order a ton of Chinese food and veg out.

Tara sped out of the parking lot and over to Hilary’s like a woman running away from her life.

Like Mom and Dad running away from Nantucket Island, she thought without meaning to.

No surprise that Tara was the first one there. She found Hilary in a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a big fuzzy sweater, her makeup done perfectly, and her honey hair in beautiful curls. As usual, she smelled like a dream, like a kind of perfume you could only get if you were related to the rich and famous, as Hilary was.

Hilary hugged Tara and studied her face. Tara could hide from her grief therapist, maybe, but she couldn’t hide from Hilary Salt. She had an almost witchy sense for things.

“What’s going on?” Hilary demanded.

Tara waved her hand. “It’s just stress.”

“Christmas Festival?”

“It happens every year,” Tara said. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Hilary winced and led Tara into the kitchen to pour her a glass of red wine. Tara thanked her and sat near the fireplace,snuggled under a blanket. Before Hilary could pester her for details, a few other Salt Sisters arrived—Robby, Stella, Rose, and Gale. Tara got up to hug each of them and noticed that Robby hugged her extra long, presumably because of their brief argument. It was rare that the Salt Sisters took issue with one another. But they always worked extra hard to repair whatever had broken.

Soon after, the Chinese food arrived, and the six Salt Sisters lay around the living room with plates of food and chopsticks, too lazy to sit at the table. The fire roared. A few of them asked Tara about the Christmas Festival, and Tara moaned. “It’ll come together. It always does.” Then she laughed. “Somebody already asked me not to faint this year. They won’t ever let me forget.”

Stella grimaced. “Nobody forgets anything on this island. It’s sort of amazing?”

“Everyone’s carrying a big head of Nantucket gossip,” Hilary agreed.

“But that was a crazy time for you,” Gale remembered.

Tara looked down at the hot lumps of beef and veggies on her plate. She didn’t necessarily love thinking about that time—when she was three months pregnant, Donnie came back, and her parents left. The emotional complexities were difficult to carry. It made everything in the here and now feel comparably bleak.

Tara wasn’t sure if her life would ever get started again. Maybe she had to learn to be okay with that.

From upstairs came the sound of Hilary’s daughter—the famous actress—who, Hilary explained, was rehearsing for a role and running lines.

“I have most of the movie memorized at this point,” Hilary said. Her eyes shone with happiness.

Tara’s stomach thrashed with jealousy. But upon her face, she fixed a smile. Hilary’s relationship with her daughter wassomething to be celebrated. Tara knew comparison was the thief of joy.

“I told her to join us if she has time,” Hilary said.

Please, don’t join us! Please, stay in your room!Tara wanted to call up to Hilary’s daughter.

Being around young women made her heart ache.

After dinner, Robby suggested a card game, but Tara felt too grim and tired to stay. She hugged the five of them, promising she’d find them at the Christmas Festival for a mug of mulled wine and maybe something “greasy and fried and delicious.” Before she knew it, she was back in her car, driving slowly through a fresh layer of snow. It was hard to believe that just three hours ago, she’d driven to Hilary’s like a madwoman, eager for the comfort she’d find there. And now, comfortless, she was heading home.

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