Page 1 of Before the Storm

Chapter One

December 2001

The day Tara dropped out of Massachusetts University was the day her life began.

At least, that was what she was trying so desperately to believe. It was what she whispered to herself in the mirror that morning, fresh off a conversation with the dean, a conversation that had ended with him shrugging and saying, “Sure. Anyone can drop out. It’s a free country. You can always come back if you want.” But Tara could tell he didn't really care. He was a man in a man’s world, and to him, Tara had no future.

Maybe Tara didn’t believe she had a future, either, no matter how many times she said it to herself in the mirror.You’re meant for something, Tara Steiner. You really are.

But was she?

With a washcloth, she wiped the tears that had dried to her cheeks and pulled the corners of her lips into a half smile. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered to her reflection. But then a sob escaped, and she was back to crying in the apartment sheshared with three girls and a terrier that barked at everything. Very soon, it wouldn’t be her apartment anymore; she’d already found a girl who wanted to take over her part of the lease. But she still hadn’t told her roommates. She hadn’t told anyone. She felt so alone.

She could hardly admit her reasoning to herself. Speaking her secret was another matter. She was terrified.

That morning, she wasn’t fully alone in her apartment, unfortunately. In the living room sat her roommate’s boyfriend, a history major named Steve, who always made Tara feel like an idiot. She had to pass him to get to the phone.

“What’s the matter, Tara?” he asked mockingly. “Did you fail your final exams?”

Tara glared at him and flared her nostrils. Her gut was roiling. The last thing she wanted was for Steve to overhear her phone conversation with her older sister—the conversation that revealed her as a failure. “How long are you hanging around here, Steve?” she asked.

“As long as I like,” Steve said. He put his feet up on the coffee table and flicked through the channels on their television—a television he didn’t pay for but monopolized all the same.

“It’s just that I have a few things to do,” Tara said, hoping he’d get the hint.

But he just shrugged and said, “You can do whatever you want. It’s a free country.”

It was a free country. That was what everyone was telling Tara today. Why did it feel like such an insult?

What could Tara do but wait? What could she do but sit in her bedroom by herself and think and stew? There was so much to consider. There were so many failures to list. She’d worked herself to the bone at university for the past two and a half years. She’d changed her major eight times: from education to nursing,science to art, political science to literature. But nothing struck her as the right thing.

She’d always been wayward. But she’d always been passionate about too many things, her heart ballooning whenever she learned something new.

But now? Now that her life had changed forever, what could she do but go home?

She certainly couldn’t call Donnie. She hadn’t seen him in over a week, and she was pretty sure things were over between them. She was also sure that people would think she was dropping out because Donnie broke up with her. But she didn’t care what people thought anymore. At least, she hoped she wouldn’t when she reached Nantucket Island.

Steve finally left the apartment a few hours later, which gave Tara enough time to scurry into the living room and call her sister at work. Josie was a receptionist at the front desk at a year-round hotel in Nantucket. She initially answered with a formal tone, “Nantucket Sunset Hotel!”

“Josie?” Tara’s voice immediately gave her devastation away. She crumpled into the chair directly next to the landline.

“Tara, what’s going on?”

Tara couldn’t explain everything at once. All she said was, “I need someone to pick me up.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning,” Josie said without hesitation. “I’ll get someone to cover my shift.”

Tara was too embarrassed to tell her roommates what was going on. That night, over tea, she mentioned she was “going to take a semester off” to help her parents on Nantucket. Her roommates were stricken. “What about your career?” they asked. “We’re juniors! This is an important year!”

One of them even asked, “What about Donnie? You two are in love!”

Tara had to bite her tongue to keep from bursting into tears. “We’re going to try long distance,” she lied.

Maybe she could lie her way through the rest of her life. Perhaps that was the most comfortable way forward.

That night, Tara smiled and laughed and lied to them about coming back soon. And in the morning, when Josie arrived, she hugged each of them close and said, “I’ll see you soon! I’ll visit!” She knew she wouldn’t visit; she knew she wouldn’t come back.

Josie was older than Tara by twelve months, but she was stronger and broader than Tara, so much so that she could carry twice as many of Tara’s belongings to the car at once. It made Tara feel even more pathetic than she already did.

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