Page 101 of At Her Will

The Dommes moved from that to other equipment at the club that they liked, the pros and cons. The submissives weighed in on them from their perspective.

No matter how matter-of-factly the subject matter was presented, Rev couldn’t avoid his body’s reaction to it. Vera’s hand slid up and down his leg, slow, her head tipping up so she could gaze at his face. She was pleased he was getting worked up.

And he wasn’t alone. Ros’s hand was also below the table. Rev couldn’t see where it was, but the heated way Lawrence was looking at her, the curl of his fingers on the back of her chair, gave him that answer. Skye was leaning against Tiger, his arm hooked over her neck, thumb brushing the upper curve of her breast. The sensual tone in the voices of those talking ran smooth through Rev, like hot syrup off a stack of pancakes.

Then the conversation took a different turn.

Throughout the meal, Cyn’s eyes had returned to Rev. On the next lull in the conversation, she changed the topic.

“So Rev… Do you have your people’s pat response to why bad things happen to good people? Pedophiles, tsunamis that kill thousands, every kid or puppy out there crying alone in the cold, hungry or hurting. We don’t know what the fuck that reason is, but that’s okay, just keep tripping along, happy as clams in the sunlight of God’s love, and it will all make sense eventually. God’s all powerful, God doesn’t make mistakes, God’s shit don’t stink.”

“Wow,” Tiger observed, stretching out one leg under the table to nudge Cyn’s boot. “Way to put a guy on the hot plate.”

“Yes, anddon’t.” Vera pinned Cyn with a hard look. “I mean it.”

“Veracity.” Rev put his hand over hers. “I thank you for your care, but I can speak for myself.”

His thumb slid over her palm, a secret caress to confirm it. Then he turned his attention to Cyn. “You angry, like a lot of people. Angry for the pain done to you, yes, but especially to those you care about. Ain’t nobody understand it, Miss Cyn. Everyone I ever met, including me, struggles with that, no matter what we believe. Only belief that answers it is no belief at all, but that emptiness has a cost too big.”

He moved his hand to where the bullet had hit his side. His pain-filled eyes, the harsh ache in his voice, showed Cyn and all of them what Vera had felt churning inside him for days, how he’d struggled with what had happened.

“I don’t know why a good teacher had to die, or how a boy get so messed up in his head that he think killing someone is the way to deal with that pain.”

Silence gripped the table. Vera knew his words found the vulnerable spots in all of them. For Neil, Lawrence and Mick, it would be the lives they’d seen end—sometimes because they’d had to be the ones to take them. For Ros and Abby, it was Laurel’s death from her husband’s abuse, as well as the deathof Abby’s own mother, who took her own life rather than deal another minute with the illness her daughter had inherited.

For Skye, it would be the father she’d lost with her voice, who’d died within arm’s reach of her. And for Cyn…she’d been born having to fight, and lost more of those battles than she’d won. It hadn’t defeated her, but she carried scars that still festered.

“But when I was growing up,” Rev said, “a preacher told me you can lean on your faith to give you the strength to deal with pain, or you can be angry and hate and turn your back on it, to punish it for not riding to the rescue. Now words is words. They don’t mean much. But he backed it up with his own experience.

“He say, ‘I’ve done both, and I can tell you, the second one, it don’t do you or anyone else around you any good. The first, somehow, it help you get through it and appreciate the blessings in your life, which manage to show themselves, even in the worst times.’”

Rev shook his head. “Hate just don’t do anyone any good. If you feel it in your heart, your first job is to find a way to get rid of that poison before it infects everything about you.”

As his gaze moved to each of them, Vera could tell that Rev felt those currents of memory and experience, even if he didn’t know the details. He hadn’t told them he had the answer, or even that God did. His words acknowledged their confusion and pain, and offered all he could. His understanding. And hope.

She was tense, waiting to see what Cyn would do. The intelligent brown eyes had rested on him throughout the explanation, her mouth a thin line. Now it eased a fraction. “Okay. Decent answer. Next question.”

“Great Goddess,” Vera muttered.

“Tonight’s interrogation dinner will include a rack of testicles over a bed of marinated nails.” Skye was still using James EarlJones’ voice, only now it sounded like his Darth Vader character, complete with heavy breathing.

Ros leaned over Lawrence to murmur to Vera. “If he can’t handle Cyn, you chose the wrong person, and I don’t think you did. Look at him. He’s fine. He wants to answer her.”

Mick was leaning back against one of the porch support posts, his fingers caressing his Mistress’s shoulder. He sent Vera a look that included a flicker of amusement, a tug at his firm mouth. It was reinforcement of Ros’s reassurance, she was certain.

Cyn ignored the byplay to deliver her question. “Your family doesn’t like Vera. Why are you so sure they’re wrong, sure enough to be here, instead of kicking her to the curb?” Her attention slid to Ros. “If I’m being an ass, I’ll stop. But Vera is important to us. To me.”

Cyn met Rev’s gaze again. “She’s been our spiritual backbone for a long time. She helped me believe there’s something out there to have faith in. I don’t want anyone messing with hers.”

Thinking this had been about exorcising Cyn’s own demons or testing Rev’s mettle again, Vera was taken off guard. And deeply moved. She found herself at a loss for words, but that was all right, since it was Rev that Cyn was expecting to answer her.

Rev propped his elbows on the table, his fingers laced together as he dipped his head, thinking. No quick response. Cyn waited him out, as did everyone else. They respected taking the time to do things right. To answer from the heart, and Rev would search his to do it.

“Faith is something that’s always being messed with. Ain’t strong unless it’s tested.” Vera saw a tightness around his mouth and a different kind of shadows in his eyes. Just like the school shooting, he wasn’t hiding how his family’s behavior was making him feel. Vera put her hand on his back, feeling his heart beat through his shirt. He gave her a look of gratitude.

“My family don’t understand, but I believe they will, in time. They’ll learn that they wrong to worry about me and Vera. Because seeking love, when it true and pure, and what it should be, is always God’s will. I think sometimes even when it’s not what it should be, because you got to learn the way of it, and that means mistakes, failing at it.

“There’s a man in our church, Vince. He done had two marriages, and losing both through divorce nearly did him in, because he has a heart made for love. But this last one, she was the right one. And he told me what he learned from the other two helped him find her.”

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