Page 90 of At Her Will

“You abandoned us, Veracity.”

Vera had her heels planted as if she expected a gale wind to gust through her office. “I go by Vera. I’m not a child anymore.”

Hearing her full name on Rev’s lips made it special, and didn’t remind her of her childhood at all. So only he had her permission to use it. Or someone who used it out of love, which meant her sister didn’t qualify. “If you’ve called me for money, do you think guilt is the way to go?”

“Do you expect me to grovel? Would that make you feel more high and mighty than you already do?”

“I expect you to be courteous. Respectful, the way I’m trying to be to you.”

“You lost my respect a long time ago.”

Anger took over, and so many awful feelings Vera knew a full bottle of Rolaids wouldn’t handle it. “Mama told me not to come back. That’s not abandoning you.”

“She had no choice. You insisted on living wrong, and you wouldn’t agree to counseling—so yes, you turned your back on us. A path away from God was more important to you than your family.”

If she’d had any doubts over why she had such a negative reaction to Tisha and Witford, the passive aggressive undercurrents—plus the not-so-passive ones—made it as clear as one of Rev’s vinegar-cleaned windows.

Step back, she told herself.This is barren ground, the earth too worn out for anything to grow in it again.Holding Rev in her mind, thinking of his patience, his honest way with his feelings, helped balance the way-too-familiar ache spreading through her, like a garden overrun with weeds. A garden she’d thought she’d kept well-tended enough to keep out those weeds, but weeds could and would shoot back up overnight.

She would treat this like a meeting with a difficult employee. She would focus on what she could resolve instead of what she couldn’t. “Tell me what’s going on, Palma, and why you need the money.”

“Me telling you that your family needs it should be enough. You don’t need a reason.”

“Since it’s my money you’re asking for, yes, I do. I may also have other resources that can help.”

“Fine. Daddy had a heart attack about ten months ago. He hasn’t been able to work, and Mama is running out of ways to make ends meet. She got herself a job, but it doesn’t pay much. Me and the others have kicked in to help with the mortgage, but we got our own kids and bills, and we’re running short. Bethany said there’s no reason we should strap ourselves when you have money.”

“How will our parents feel about you coming to me?”

“We’ll make it seem like we came up with more. They’ve had a hard enough time letting us help. When I started paying their power bill, they threw a tantrum. Bethany pointed out all the years they took care of us, so it’s not charity to accept our help when it’s freely given. They’ve been better about us helping since then, but you know they won’t accept anything from outside the family. Best we not tell them. And?—”

You know they won’t accept anything from outside the family.

Did her sister know how that one sentence, so carelessly uttered, cut Vera to the quick? Would she care if she knew? “How much do you need?” she interrupted Palma.

Palma’s tone went flat. “Twenty thousand would get us through the year. We’re filing for disability programs and early Social Security, but it’s a quagmire, and they’re throwing up roadblocks.”

“Fine. Here’s my cell.” After giving Palma that info, Vera continued. “Text me your bank information. I’ll transfer the money. Send me what you and Bethany have done on the government programs so far. I have contacts that can remove some red tape.”

“So just like that? That’s how easy it is for you? While we’re scraping by, you have the kind of money to?—”

“Palma, if you don’t want my help, that’s up to you. If you ever want to have a conversation that isn’t about accusing me of not being part of a family that doesn’t want who I am, call me. Otherwise, use your text finger for future communication. Got it?”

The sharp tone was what she used on employees trying to bullshit her, or submissives needing a stronger hand. It worked for this, too. Sullen silence filled the phone.

“If you’d been here, he wouldn’t have had the heart attack,” Palma said abruptly. Then she hung up.

A minute later, the bank information arrived on her phone. Vera choked on a bitter laugh. Tossing it on her desk, she went to her windows, folding her arms against herself.

She didn’t have to recall her father’s granite expression as her mother told her to pack her things and get out. It was like a picture on her wall, waiting for her to turn in that direction to see it. He’d had her mother execute the sentence, but he was the head of the family. The decision came from the top down. After her mother had said it, he’d turned away from Vera. Except forthe iron set of his shoulders, she would have felt like it meant no more to him than switching off a TV program he was done with.

When she’d gone to the room she shared with Bethany, Bethany pleaded with her to stay, to just work it out.Act like what they want you to be. Be whatever you want to be when they’re not around.

“I’m not a liar like you,” she’d told Bethany, speaking out of hurt, her throat flooded with tears. “They should be able to love who I am.”

Because they didn’t. They hadn’t said, “We love you, but you can’t stay under our roof if you don’t believe as we do.” It was just, “If you don’t believe as we do, then you can’t be part of this family.” Full stop.

She would have given so much to have them add in that “We love you.” It would have helped, to have something that suggested time would bring them back to one another. Like Rev had told her he’d pray it would.

---