Page 77 of At Her Will

“What did you think?”

“It easy to think someone’s good when you listening to them at church, and those people want you to be good. More is expected from people wanting to do it for money.”

Rev frowned. “But it more than that. I watched an episode from one of those shows. There was these three boys who loved to sing, really feeling it. They did real good, and this big music producer signed them. I watched a video they did after that, and they was all plastic, and sounded just like everyone else. That was a few years back, and they no longer singing. But that first video been downloaded a million times, so I guess they’ll always have that.”

“That happens way too often. Good marketing shows why something is worth paying attention to and spending money on. It’s not about turning it into something like everything else. Ros is adamant about that.”

“That follows truth. That’s good.” He studied her. “Do you think I should go down that road?”

“That’s up to you. I may command you to do many things, things that bring us both pleasure, but I wouldn't want you to be different from what you are.”

And Rev had no ambitions for fame. From working for TRA, she knew a product’s quality alone wouldn’t sell it. Marketing was key, but so were the drive and desires of the performer.

Their hands were linked on his knee. “I’ve been told all my life this gift I have was meant to serve God,” he said. “That can look a lot of different ways, and plenty of people have given me their opinions on it. Because of what Witford and Tisha did, I know you have your doubts about whether I’ve been free to choose.”

“Yes,” she admitted. “On the path I walk in my faith, I believe how each of us serve is a personal discussion, between you and whatever name you give the Divine in your life. No oneelse should claim superior knowledge of that discussion. But the more I know you, Rev…the more I think it would be difficult for anyone to get you to do something you think is the wrong path.”

He looked out at the river, and she followed his attention there. The occasional white cap gleamed, and the water was dotted with running lights from small fishing craft. The city on the opposite shore provided a backdrop of more lights. “I walking the path I was meant to walk,” he said. “When Teena Joy was worried or in pain, or if it helped someone, for me to be what they want me to be, I did it. It was all right, because I got to sing, and be what I am. But if it went against what the Lord wants of me, then I let them know that.”

“So all of it has been a conscious,willingchoice.”

“Yes. That the truth, so rest easy on it, once and for all.” He met her gaze. “You decide in life what matters, where you have to take a stand, and when you don’t. I don’t have to prove to people they ain’t going to boss me around when I know they can’t. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone but God.” He tilted his head. “And now maybe you.”

“Really? How do I fit into that?”

“The yearning to be with you, serve you like I’m doing… Even if you helping me know what that looks like, what to call it, that need’s always been there, waiting and wanting to be filled. Having a Mistress…that was the missing piece for me.”

His eyes showed the light of pleasure, highlighted by a few shadows. “One of our parishioners, Mr. Ellis, he a widower and so lonely, even though he loves God. He told me, ‘My wife, she was the one who could speak to my truth, speakmytruth, give it a name in a way I couldn't, but knew when I heard it from her. Rev, boy, it'll be such a relief to be with her again.’”

His eyes were thoughtful. "I thought I didn’t need no earthly person to speak my truth. God knows it. I just wanted tohelp people find comfort and strength, help them. But now I understand.”

His gaze turned back to her, held her like her hand on his knee. “Long as you know my truth, too, you and God, one on earth, one in Heaven, that’s enough knowing for me.”

The man was so good at making her tongue-tied, she thought she should punish him for it. But he’d also made her curious, gesturing around him when he spoke of Heaven. “You don’t think Heaven is straight above?”

“I think it's inside and outside, above and below, in every direction.” He paused. “I want to say something else, but it might push into a room where I not been invited.”

“Stand at the threshold and say what you want to say. I’ll close the door if it’s warranted.”

“You like to take care of your…submissives. You’re a service-oriented Domme. Sy say that, and that you like to take care of us, but you also like to hold onto the control, which is what puts you on the Domme side.”

“That’s his opinion, is it?”

Because he was a smart man, Rev noted the sugary edge to her tone. “I not trying to get him in trouble. I’m trying to understand all this better.”

“I want you to do that. I’m very okay with you talking to a sub like Sy or Trey,” she assured him. “But if you talk to a different sub, always let me know who they are. There are no wrong feelings, but there can be wrong information. And sometimes wrong motives.”

“Like sex ed in the classroom, versus what kids tell one another. Like they can get pregnant from a toilet seat.”

“Just so.” He’d raised another question for her. “Who taught you about sex?”

“I learned the way most boys do. Curiosity and noticing things. Teena Joye answered most my questions. She practical,and didn’t want me getting no girl in trouble, or getting a disease. She taught me to respect a woman. I already had that built into me, but she helped me sharpen the tool.”

The gleam in his eye amused her. “What did you want to say to me, Rev?”

He lifted their joined hands, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, warming them. “When I talking to Sy about you, the things he told me… I think you like taking care of a sub, and you’ll let him take care of you. Mostly physical things, some not-so-physical things. But deep inside, those needs, you hold those out of reach. Or hide them.”

Sy knew her better than she’d expected. “How do you know there’s anything there at all?” she hedged.

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