Page 62 of At Her Will

“Doing okay?”

He glanced up to see Lawrence coming toward him. The Hispanic male wasn’t tall, but he was built solid, his body compact and arms muscular. Veracity had said he was a former SEAL.

“Yeah. I’m all right. You all sure are good about keeping an eye on each other.”

“It’s the job. And one worth doing.” Lawrence didn’t smile, but his expression was friendly. “I won’t assume I know everything that’s going through your head, but just remember, there’s being a beginner and being an idiot. Best way to think about it is, ‘Is this something I can get better at? Do I want to get better at it?’ If the answer is yes, you’re in beginner territory.”

“What’s idiot territory?”

Lawrence pursed his lips. “‘I wasn’t able to be and do everything she wanted here, so that means I’m wrong for her, or I’ll never be good enough for her.’ Most of us have been there. Especially if the woman in question matters, and unless we have more cockiness than good sense. These women are good at cutting cockiness down to size, quite literally, if it calls for it.”

“I seen that, no question.” Rev managed a smile.

“This group of Mistresses, they know their own strengths and weaknesses, and if the weaknesses bother them, they fix them. They don’t ask for validation. And they pay attention.”

Lawrence leaned against the wall next to him, hooking a finger in his jeans pocket. “They want to notice everything about you, want to know how they can bring things out in you that they’ll enjoy the hell out of, but there’s a generosity to it. They want you to find your feet in your submission to them, a strength and steadiness that can carry you in the world. Sometimes, when you’ve dealt with a lot of shit in your life, or your other relationships, you think that kind of level ground is a damn unicorn you’re never going to find.”

Rev studied the man. “You had a woman like that.”

Lawrence nodded, his gaze straight ahead. “It was tough. Her alcoholism only made it worse, and I let myself become part of the whole tangled mess, which, worst of all, didn’t help her. Rosalinda helped me figure it out.”

His jaw flexed. “A big step in finding that level ground is realizing what happens here is a two-way street. The Mistressescome for what they need, for healing and steadying, as much as the subs do. It works, man. It just works, in ways hard to explain.”

He tilted his head toward Rev. “And there’s no need to feel uncertain or worried about any of it. In a world where that’s all we do sometimes, this is an oasis. If you’re lucky, you find the Mistress who’ll want to keep you as much as you want to keep her, and you’ll have that oasis out in the world, not just here.”

Lawrence didn’t look like the type of man who indulged in poetic musings, but Rev thought the former SEAL wouldn’t see what he’d just said that way. He’d just stated the truth he had inside him.

“Thanks,” Rev said. “That helps.”

Lawrence nodded. “If you want, I can give you my digits, so if something comes up on the sub side of thing you’d like to talk about with another male sub, one that’s part of their circle, you can.”

“I don’t carry a phone, but if you okay telling me where to find you, a place where it not a problem looking you up, that’d be good.”

“Sure thing.” Lawrence reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet and remove a card from it. “I work at this youth rec center, as a coach and anything else they need. You can find me there most days. Leave me a message if I’m not there, and let me know how I can find you.”

Rev told Lawrence about the school and the church. “Those are the places I’m at most times.”

“Got it.”

“How am I doing with Ros and the rest?”

“Not what you need to be concerned about.” Lawrence’s green and gold eyes met his. “If you take care of her, that part takes care of itself. Understand?”

“I do. I wouldn’t hurt her for anything in the world.”

“Good.”

Rev pressed his lips together. “I don’t want to pry into things she hasn’t decided are my business, but her family…her born family…they hurt her bad, didn’t they?”

“Enough that she rarely talks about them to anyone.” Lawrence’s expression tightened. He paused, maybe thinking through what he could say while respecting Vera’s privacy. Rev stayed silent, wanting whatever Lawrence could offer.

“The first couple of years Rosalinda knew her, Vera left on vacations at Christmas and Easter. The assumption was she went to see family, but she was doing destination holiday vacations on her own. If that helped her, Rosalinda would have left her to it. Maybe even made up an excuse to join her, because though she loves her, Rosalinda’s mom drives her crazy.”

Lawrence’s lips tipped up. “But when Vera came back to work, she always seemed down in the dumps, which isn’t her usual gear. So after Rosalinda learned the truth, she told Vera her ass was expected at their holiday celebrations—hers, Skye’s or Cyn’s. Abby doesn’t have any other family, either, so coming to those events with her helped Vera feel more okay about it. And when everyone got paired up, the options only expanded.” Lawrence half smiled. “My mother and sisters had us all down at their place last Thanksgiving. That was an experience.”

Lawrence’s gaze moved back toward the restrooms. “For more, you’ll have to ask Vera. But tread with care. It’s a wound that still bleeds.”

Veracity had emerged. She’d retrieved that little pillbox hat with a net over her eyes from the coat check before she went to freshen up. As she adjusted it, Rev noticed she’d left the black gloves off, so he could still see the mesh gloves that left the black tipped nails unencumbered. He remembered the bite of them on his skin, the promise of pain. More, if he wanted it. If she decided he wanted it.

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