Page 77 of T is for…

“Okay, I might still be having a heart attack.” Nathan rubbed his chest, and though he was again trying to make a joke to break the tension, his heart was still beating too fast from the panic. “But I will acknowledge that you didn’t actually say you were pregnant. You said you’re having a baby. Adopting?”

Tara switched from kneeling to sitting cross-legged, the robe gaping open to reveal her inner thighs before she tucked her linked hands into the well of space between her legs.

“No. I’m going to get pregnant, I’m just not currently pregnant. And because of that, I’m leaving Las Palmas.”

Nathan considered himself both eminently logical, and a quick thinker, but this conversation made him feel like a ping-pong ball bounced between paddles.

“Tara, maybe it’s the lingering adrenaline in my system making me stupid, but I do not understand. You’re going to have a baby, but aren’t pregnant or adopting.”

What was he missing?

Tara closed her eyes, inhaling. He tried to give her time and space to gather her words, but his thoughts were still whirling.

“You’re planning to try and get pregnant? I thought you weren’t seeing anyone? And what the hell does any of that have to do with your membership?”

She let out a slow breath and opened her eyes, holding his gaze with calm focus. “I realized a few years ago that I wanted to be a parent.” Her tone was the confident, measured one she used when explaining something scientific.

“I’d always figured I’d have children, assuming my partner wanted them,” she continued. “But well, we went over our dating difficulties. I thought about looking for someone who was specifically interested in settling down and having children.”

“Breeding kink.” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

Tara scowled at him, and Nathan barked out a laugh. “Sorry, sorry. That just slipped out…” But now he felt more normal, the laugh dispelling the last of his own tension, even as hers mounted.

Nathan watched her face, reading what she wasn’t saying. Her words felt almost rehearsed, as if she’d already presented this explanation several times.

“I thought about it, but decided not to join that dating app for people who want to settle down. I realized that timing-wise, I’d have to go from meeting someone to getting pregnant with them really quickly.

“So, I decided to be a single parent.”

“Sperm donation,” he said, feeling stupid he hadn’t figured it out. Watching her, he was sure the decision had come with a heavy emotional cost, but there was no evidence of it in her expression or voice.

“Yes. Sperm donation. I went to a fertility clinic. I did four rounds of IUI—inter-uterine insemination—with no results. They told me when I first came to the clinic that given my age, my best option was IVF, but I was sure that the IUI would work.”

Finally, some emotion leaked into her words. Tara had never failed at anything in her life. She was brilliant, hardworking, and stubborn. In the twenty years he’d known her, he’d watched her set aspirational, if technically attainable, goals and reach them every time.

“Did they know why the IUI didn’t work?” He wished he had his phone so he could do a quick search for details about these procedures.

“Most of the testing is blood tests and ultrasounds, and mine were all okay. Well, appropriate for a woman my age. There are a lot of variables, but it wasn’t unrealistic to think IUI would work.”

“I didn’t mean to say it was. I don’t know anything about this. I have heard of IVF. That’s the frozen embryo one, right?”

“If you’re lucky, yes, you end up with viable embryo.”

“Wait, so you have a frozen embryo and they’re going to put it in you.” He gestured vaguely at her abdomen, as he tried to picture how exactly it all worked.

Tara stared at him for a blank moment, then burst out laughing. “You suddenly look like you have absolutely no idea what a naked woman looks like, let alone how female anatomy functions.”

“Remember, I just thought that I had my electrified dick inside your pussy while you were pregnant, potentially zapping the shit out of your fetus.”

“Still not how that would have worked.”

“Me and my heart attack don’t care about logic.”

“Okay, I’ll accept that.” Her lips twitched. “But to answer your question, no. I don’t have an embryo.” She stared down at where she’d jammed her hands between her thighs. “Yet.”

Sensing she needed a minute, Nathan remained externally silent. Inside, his thoughts jump around, as a wild hope started to form deep in his gut.

She looked up, shoulders braced as if she were expecting him to react badly to whatever she said next. “I start my four-month IVF cycle next month. I stop my birth control when I start my next period. That’s step one. I start prescription medication a few weeks after that.”

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