Page 62 of T is for…

“Always,” he replied instantly.

“I tried, with Clark, the med student.”

“Tried wha—” Nathan stopped, eyes flicking over her features. “You tried a D/s relationship.”

She nodded.

“Was he into it?”

“He was into kinky sex.”

Nathan’s jaw worked. “Kinky sex is different?—”

“I know that,” she snapped back, feeling stupid all over again.

“Sorry, sorry.” Nathan grimaced apologetically. “I know you know that. It’s just…you hear people talk about how they’re playing around with BDSM, and yeah, some bondage is probably okay, because being handcuffed to a bed is fine for people who don’t really know. It’s not like they’re doing full suspension rope bondage.”

“Agreed. And you’re right about vanilla spankings. It’s one thing to get a slap or two on the ass and call it a spanking.” Tara’s own ass tingled. Sadly, even the heat-turned-ache had faded now. “Being put across someone’s knee and spanked past the point of discomfort to pain, and finally catharsis…that’s something else.” Her words came out hungrier than she’d intended.

Nathan exhaled in the warm silence that settled between them. “Why aren’t you married to Clark? STEM power couple by day, Dom and sub by night.”

She got the sense he meant it as a joke, but the words came out to hard, almost harsh.

“It was actually trying to be Dom and sub that broke us up.”

He relaxed abruptly. “Shit, Tara,” then more grimly, “How bad did it get?”

“It was fine, for a long time. Because it really was just kinky sex, and I was in charge. I planned the scenes, showed him videos if it was something new, and then even in the middle of the scene would ask for things. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—plenty of subs help plan scenes during negotiations. And asking for things is good communication. And it meant I got exactly what I wanted.”

She’d said “and” too many times, trying to justify something long over.

“Sounds like you didn’t give up much control. So, it was kinky sex with no power exchange.” This time, Nathan was the one to push her hair off her face.

“Until there was a power exchange,” she said quietly. “At least for me.”

They were silent again, his knuckles still resting lightly on her cheek. She cleared her throat, lining up the words of the story in her mind.

“We had this magic weekend where we’d both just finished something major. I think I’d submitted the first draft of a journal article, and he’d just finished a test. I don’t really remember anymore.

“I do remember sending him a series of hinting text messages about what I wanted to do that weekend. And I got the box of toys out from under my bed.”

“So big hints.”

“Very big hints. At least I thought so. I’m not sure if he didn’t get it, or was waiting until we got in bed that night, but I was too needy to wait and find out. When he went to brush his teeth, I tossed a pillow on the floor and when he came out of the bathroom, I was naked on my knees ready to suck his dick.”

“The hint to end all hints,” Nathan said solemnly.

Tara laughed. “At that point, it was a statement that I wanted to have sex, but the hint about what kind of sex—very kinky, BDSM sex—was what I was wearing.”

“I thought you were naked?”

“Naked except cuffs. I’d put the Velcro restraints on my own wrists and ankles.”

“You always were proactive.”

He was teasing, but she grimaced, answering honestly. “I didn’t want to be, but I needed to submit.”

Nathan’s thumb rubbed her cheek. “I understand that need. And when you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t either understand, or share, that need…”

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