Page 119 of The Lieutenant

I finally opened my eyes, staring into his. Nothing between us was real, the weeks spent together a blissful fantasy. At least I’d thought so. The ache in my heart was more intense than before. As I opened my mouth to finally give him the answer he wanted, tears slipped down both cheeks, rolling ever so slowly toward the sheets.

“I love you, Havros, but this can’t work. It just… can’t.” Even as I was denying him with words, a post-orgasm haze washed over me. Every inch of my body continued to tingle.

“Why. Tell me why.” He smoothed hair from my face, darting his eyes back and forth. “I deserve to know.”

“Because,” I choked out. “Because…” Once again, I squeezed my eyes shut and blurted out the truth.

The horrible, damning truth.

“Please, Kara. What? We can get through anything.”

“Because I’m pregnant.”

Havros’ eyes opened wide. “What? Oh, my God. What?”

I nodded, uncertain what he was feeling.

He pulled away, even crawling off the bed. As he raked his hands through his hair, I was certain he was furious with me. Maybe he believed I’d trapped him somehow. There couldn’t be anything further from the truth.

“Here’s the thing. I know you don’t love me and while that hurt at first, I’ve come to terms with it. You have an important life and I was just a moment in time. I don’t want to bring a child into a world where there is no love. Can’t you understand that?”

“Did you know you were pregnant before you left?”

“No, I swear to God. It was too early. I just found out a few days ago. I’m not lying to you, Havros. That much I promise to you. That’s why you need to let me go.”

He was on me in a flash, his knee resting on the bed as he gripped my arm with one hand, my jaw with the other. “Don’t you understand at all how I feel about you?’

“No. How could I? You’re hot and cold even now.”

A look of sadness crossed his face.

“When you walked up those stairs to get on that plane weeks ago, I didn’t think I could stay where I was. Do you know how many times I wanted to insist you stay? Beg you to stay? Don’t you have any idea how many times I thought about you during those long weeks? Or how many times I wanted to call you?”

I had no voice, barely any breath left. “No.”

“Hundreds. You’re all I could think about. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and the only woman who’s made me happy. You brought me from the darkness with your smile and the sparkle in your eyes. You gave me the most joyful moments I’ve ever experienced in my life. It might be cliché, but you are the only woman I will ever be happy with. The moon. The stars. The sun. You’re brighter than all three. I love you, Kara. My sweet kitten. I will love you until I take my last dying breath and into the afterlife. No matter where that takes me.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “All I could think about was you. Your touch. Your kisses. The looks you gave me. I just didn’t think you could ever love me.”

“Baby, you’re nuts. I think I fell in love with you on the day we met. Don’t ever leave me. We’ll make it work. I promise you that I will make you happy.”

I cupped his hand and there were no words needed. As he captured my mouth, I let go all the remnants of fear and uncertainty, replacing them with the happiness I’d wanted and had only felt with him.

The kiss was rough and beautiful, soft and hard. It was everything I’d come to love about this man and even more. He was my everything. As he swept his tongue inside, I melted into him, clinging to him as he’d done with me.

He’d fought to find me, to save me. I’d been a fool, my mind held hostage, but nothing I could ever have control over. That couldn’t happen any longer. I loved him with all my heart, with every ounce of my being.

He broke the kiss, both of us completely breathless. “We’re having a baby?” he asked in a voice I didn’t recognize.

“Yes. We are.”

“Oh, my God. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world. My baby.” He gently pressed his hand against my stomach and I finally allowed my tears to fall.

For my mother. For my father.

For the time I’d wasted, yet without doing so, I would never have met the love of my life.

We wouldn’t be a traditional family and danger would always lurk in the shadows, but I refused to allow that to shatter the beautiful world the two of us had created.

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