1
KELLY
Ionly had ten minutes to get across campus, but the TA for my biology lab groaned from the front of the classroom and hung her head after looking at her phone. “Please, no more snow.”
Unable to help a grimace, I paused in packing up my bag to leave. “Seriously?” This spring semester was already halfway over and there seemed to be no end in sight. Every other day, we got dumped with more of the white stuff and I was so over the wintry season. Now that it was the end of February, there should be a change in tides to count on soon.
Or not.
Normally, I didn’t mind the snow. It was beautiful at times, like a fresh blanket of nothing to start the world all over again in the morning. New steps to be taken. New shine to admire in the sheen of ice and frost on ordinary surfaces. I had to be a careful optimist like that, eager to see the good and the magic in the world because mine was so dark and gloomy.
“Well, hold on,” the TA said, scrolling further on whatever weather app she had to be looking at on her phone. “Ugh. No. It’s calling for rain instead.”
Great.I hadn’t brought my umbrella today, so that would make the seven-minute walk to the other building a soggy, wet mess. Even though I didn’t live in the dorms anymore after all the trouble I had at them before, I made sure to walk everywhere. The junky, beat-up clunker I had died on New Year’s Day, so it was foot traffic for me.
I sighed, tucking my hood up at the exit of the sciences building, then bundled my coat tighter against me. I’d lost far too much weight after I was drugged last semester. Nausea and a general loss of appetite lingered well after the effects of those drugs faded. It might have just been anxiety, too.
It wouldn’t be the first time.My whole life was one anxious and stressful episode after another.
“But better days have to be coming,” I whispered to myself as I trudged out into the cold drizzle. So long as it didn’t worsen into a downpour before I reached the bigger admin building, where I’d worked as a part-time admin aide, I would be okay. My bag was waterproof, something I’d learned from my childhood as a necessity.
If I didn’t cling to the hope that things would improve soon, I’d be stuck spiraling in a mess of depression and social anxiety that would take years to overcome. And I’d need to do it all on my own this time. My former friend and almost-roommate, Eva, was no longer here. She decided to stop her college experience after falling in love with her bodyguard, Lev. And without Eva or Lev on campus, that meanthewasn’t either.
I sighed, glancing toward the library. It was a habit to always look near the end of the building, where an overhanging portion of the roof provided shelter to anyone loitering outside the massive building. That shadowed corridor was usually occupied by people smoking before heading into the library. It was also one of Rurik’s favorite spots to people watch whoever was ambling by across the campus square. That was what he had been here for. Watching. Helping Lev with Eva’s security.
Not for me. Never for me, no matter how much I fantasized that he really had been seeking me out in his patrol duties. Or how often I liked to imagine that he was here to guard me and care about my safety.
The illusion of Rurik ever being on campus to see me was a laughable one. He had only been here as a job, and since Eva wasn’t a student anymore, there was no point in his hanging around.
Still, I glanced that way and noticed his absence, wishing that he weren’t on my mind anymore.
I was here to focus, to study and get my degree and hopefully start a real life with a job far from here. This was no time to dwell on a bodyguard who was gone.
After I entered the admin building, I shook off all the moisture that beaded on my coat and bag. Then as I headed up the stairs toward the dean’s office suite, I peeled off my soggy underlayers.
Okay, maybe this coat isn’t as waterproof as it’s supposed to be.It couldn’t be if I was this damp, but beggars couldn’t be choosers when the second-hand shop was where I had to go for my personal things.
Regardless, I pulled the damp material off while juggling the strap for my messenger bag. Even if I got wet, I could rest assured that my laptop was dry. It didn’t have a fancy waterproof case since that wasn’t in the budget, but the extra-large Zip-loc bag did the trick. Maybe I looked like an idiot using something so tacky, but I didn’t care. This laptop—also bought used—was my most prized possession because it represented a ticket to a different future. Unlike all my peers here at college, I wanted to get a real job, not deal drugs. I wanted to work hard for a self-sufficient lifestyle, not waste years of acting like a teenager and changing majors just to avoid leaving the dorms.
Up outside the dean’s suite, I stowed my things behind the desk where I’d be expected to act like a gopher for the official gopher. Lots of student worker positions were just that—mindless excuses to park a body somewhere and expect them to look like they knew what they were doing. Many of my classmates chose the “good” gigs to cut down their tuition bills. The ones who got the student positions in the cafeteria, gym, pool, or library had it made. They never had to do much but maybe direct someone somewhere or check people or equipment out. The rest of the time, they could rest and study. Or, like the guy who “manned” the desk at the library on the third floor, nap.
I’d just started this position in the dean’s office a couple of weeks ago. The slightly higher pay enticed me to consider it, and it wasn’t like I had to think. Jasmine, the actual staff member who was paid to be the department’s first receptionist, was lazy. She loved leaving the customer service and actual interactions up to me. I was the one who had to take the calls, get the coffees, run copies, and scan documents for her. It was all busywork, but it was work outside of the rest of campus, and I didn’t have to deal with too many people this late into the semester.
I could sit and study, or read, but napping wasn’t possible. Lowering my guardthatmuch where anyone could just walk by wasn’t happening. Not after I was drugged. Not after I fell or was knocked out in the shower room last semester.
Not ever again.Trust wasn’t something I could give easily. And I’d lost faith in humanity at large when I was just a small child.
Jasmine was off today, but she’d left me a long list of little stupid things to do. Emailing this person, forwarding these documents. Reading over a few other things, then more of the same mindless, tedious tasks she simply didn’t want to do.
Whatever.It’d keep me busy. And staying preoccupied was my best method to combat the uneasiness that crept in whenever a man walked into the offices. Most were going to an office already and didn’t need to ask me for directions, but still, this apprehensive tension that gripped me wouldn’t stop.
Diving into the to-do list that Jasmine left me, I lost track of time and didn’t start my typical habit of watching the hand on the clock move. I had only four hours to work in here today, then I’d need to walk to the bar to handle that job too. It was never-ending, keeping up with making money and studying. If I stayed at the dorms, I wouldn’t have to deal with the extra expense of renting an apartment, but there was just no way in hell I’d go back to the dorms.
Hmm.
I paused, actually reading a little bit of the documents I was forwarding. A student asking for transcript requests was part of the standard protocol when they moved to another college or university, but it was the note about one particular class that captured my attention.
Professor Remi.