For laughter.
For joy.
“I mean it. This is our time, Reenie.”
Frustration had me standing up to move away from him. He reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me to stand between his legs. I closed my eyes, dropping my head back.
His hands clenched on my hips, where he held me in place, dismissing any thought I might have entertained about escaping. The truth was, I didn’t want to escape. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay either.
“The secrets are out. You can stay.”
“I can stay?” Looking at him, I wanted to agree. I wanted to give in and let him have his way. But my whole life I had spent giving in, and where did it get me? This was my life now. It was bought and paid for. I was the one who made the decisions now.
The only one.
“You aren’t the one to decide where I can stay.”
“You know what I meant.”
Stepping out of his grip, I shoved at his shoulder. “No. I don’t think I do know what you mean. For weeks, you have been trying to get me to leave. Now, all of a sudden, you want me to stay?”
“I always wanted you to stay. But we can’t always have what we want.”
He looked so sincere. Like he really believed that keeping his brother’s secret was more important than his happiness.
“Have you never fought for what you wanted?”
He stood up, towering over me. “Have you?”
Dropping my eyes to his chest, I knew he was right. I had always done what was expected of me my whole life. I married who I was told to marry, had a child when I was told to have a child. Stopped having children when someone else decided I was done.
“You’re right. I’ve never fought for anything in my life. Until now.” Taking a step back I added, “I left. I fought through a year of loneliness to get out. I fought through marriage proposals and people telling me I had a duty to the family. I fought to live my life the way I choose. I deserve someone who is willing to fight for me.”
“Maureen—”
“You should go.”
“I’m not fucking leaving!” he shouted.
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I leaned back against the wall. “I loved Duane. Not at first, but I grew to love him. He was a good husband, and a good father. But I don’t want good anymore. I want great, Declan. I want passion. I want someone who can’t stand to be away from me. Someone who, when we’re in the same room, can’t help but touch me. I want someone that when he looks at me, he stops breathing because I am his every breath. I don’t want to settle again. I don’t want comfortable; I don’t want security. I want what Blade and Beck have. She was telling me about how they met, how devastated she was when she thought he was dead. How she didn’t want to go on living. I want a love like that.”
“You have no idea what I felt when Duane told me you were together,” he growled.
“But you let me go. You didn’t fight for me. When you knew I was here, you were willing to let me go again. You wouldn’t fight for me. Now that there are no more secrets to keep, you’re willing to have me?” Throwing my hands in the air, I shouted at him, “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Like I’m a consolation prize. Like I’m not important enough to come first. King will always come first for you.”
“He’s my baby brother. I’ve raised him since he was ten years old. You’re a mother. You know what it means to put your kid first.”
“No. Duane and I never put Colleen above our relationship. I know that’s the only reason he never cheated. Because I showed up for him and he showed up for me. Sure, we always made sure she was fed, and clothed, and loved. But her happiness didn’t come before ours. We knew one day she would grow up and live her own life. And it would be just the two of us again. You and I will never be just the two of us, because he will always come first with you.”
“I thought you were different. I thought you would understand everything I’ve sacrificed to make sure he would grow up happy, the way my parents wanted him to.”
He walked out of my room and stopped. Turning around he added, “You know what Beck’s mom told me about why she lied? Why she fucking left me? Because of King. He was thirteen years old, and she didn’t want him. So she took my child and left. He was a fucking kid, and she wanted me to give him up for her.”
He turned his back again and walked through the house to the front door.
Rushing to follow him, I called out, “I’m not asking you to give him up. I am asking you to put me first. Hell, I’m asking you to put yourself first, Declan. King is a grown man. He doesn’t need you to sacrifice your own happiness for him anymore.”
The door slammed on the end of my sentence, and I stared at it.