Page 122 of Starting Over

“Tornados don’t usually effect ships.”

“Exactly. He’s been dealing with a lot of shit that he wasn’t prepared for.”

I looked at my phone again, biting my lip.

“Can I ask you something, Rachel?”

“Ask me anything. I can’t promise I’ll have an answer, or that I can answer, but I’ll do my best.”

“This is going to sound weird, but I’ve never dated anyone before.”

Rachel tilted her head at me. “You were married.”

“I was, but we never dated. In my life, women were told what to do. I was told who I was going to marry when I was seventeen. Duane and I dated. But it was a formality to get to know each other, so that our wedding day wouldn’t be awkward. It wasn’t for us to see if we were compatible. It was to learn how to be.”

“So you’ve never gone through the whole‘does he really like me?’phase.” It wasn’t a question. She understood what I was saying.

I nodded, completely embarrassed that I was asking a twenty-five-year-old for advice.

“I get it. I mean, I don’t get it, but I get it.” She laughed. “Let me ease your concerns. He likes you. He’s probably a little gun-shy. What Beck’s mom did…” She shook her head, looking out the window.

“He told me about her.”

“He doesn’t know the half of it. He only knew her for a few months. I knew her my whole life.” She paused to take a deep breath. “Let me tell you this. His daughter is everything to him now. He missed out on so much of her life. If Beck loves you, Dec will let himself love you, too.”

“Yea, we had that talk. About him letting himself be happy. I’m not sure he can do that. I’m not sure he would ever put himself first.”

“Would you really want him to?”

“Someone has to put him first,” I whispered.

“Would that be your job?”

I studied the girl sitting next to me. She may be young enough to be my daughter, but she was wiser than I was. Because she was right. It was my job to put him first. To take care of him when he was taking care of everyone else.

Why was I even questioning him? He didn’t ghost me, as Colleen called it. He left a note. He fed my dog, so it was one less thing I had to do today.

“You’re right. Thank you, Rachel.”

“You’re welcome, Maureen.” Rachel closed her eyes for a moment and rubbed at her temples.

“Are you ok?” I asked, my hand on her shoulder.

She smiled brightly at me. “Just a little headache. Must be that time of the month.”

We said our goodbyes, and I got in my truck. While I waited for it to heat up, I tried Declan again. When he didn’t answer, I decided to call the station.

That was useless. All the woman answering the phone would tell me was he was out on a call. Putting the truck in drive, I went home. What else could I do? I couldn’t drive all over town looking for him. I needed to get home and check on Tucker, and finish the walls in the kitchen.

So, that’s what I did.

I put Declan back into his little box in the back of my mind where he had always been, blasted my playlist of songs I could belt out, and got to work.

My kitchen walls were complete. There was still a lot to be done, but for now, it was no longer a shell.

I’d had dinner at the clubhouse, not wanting to go back to The Diner. I still hadn’t heard from Declan. Every time I called the station, the woman told me the same thing.

He was out on a call.

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