Page 110 of Starting Over

Leaning forward to set my plate down, I settled my hand on his arm.

“It was a kiss on his cheek. A thank you for the dog.”

“Doesn’t matter what it was. I hated seeing it.”

I watched him for a moment before I picked my plate back up. Leaning back on the couch, I changed the subject.

“Can you tell me about Beck’s mom?”

He blew out a breath and leaned back against the couch. His head resting along the top. I ate my pie while I waited for him to decide what to say.

“I met Connie when I was twenty-four. I was a beat cop, barely out of the academy. On patrol one night, I saw a guy harassing her, and I stepped in. We started seeing each other, and after three months, she told me she was pregnant. She also told me she was having an abortion. She wasn’t ready to be a mother to a baby, let alone a thirteen-year-old kid. She left Arkansas, and I didn’t see her again until earlier this year, when I learned she had lied to me.”

“Is that why you killed her?”

“Jesus Christ, Maureen!” Declan yelled, and Tucker lifted his head, emitting a low growl.

Turning to the dog, Declan let out his own growl. “Enough out of you!”

The dog huffed and laid his head back down on his paws. His eyes stayed open for a few minutes and he and Declan eyed each other.

Turning back to me, he continued, “I’m not a cold-blooded killer, Maureen. I killed Connie because she tried to kill my daughter. When I walked into Beck’s house, I found her curled up in the corner of her couch, while Connie stood over her with a knife. When I made myself known, she turned and rushed at me with the knife. It was self-defense. But I won’t say I’m not glad she’s dead.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just—”

“It’s just where you come from, Sal kills someone if he gets a fucking paper cut.”

Returning my plate to the coffee table, I moved closer to Declan.

“You have to understand. It’s not just Sal. It’s everyone. Sal, my father, Duane, the cops. Killing has always been a part of my life. Though, I was happy to learn Sal had nothing to do with Kara’s death.”

“So he says.”

“You don’t believe him?”

“I don’t know him. The kid in me, the one who idolized his big brother, had no problem believing he wouldn’t hurt a woman. But the cop, the one who hasn’t seen him in nearly forty years and who knows what the mafia is capable of? He can’t reconcile the brother he knew with the Mob boss he became.”

Declan stood up and walked to the fireplace. Throwing some more logs on the fire, he stoked the flames. When he was done, he laid a hand on the mantle, staring into the fire.

“I knew he would take over from Eamon one day. But as a kid, one who was on the outskirts of the family, I never really knew what the Mob was about. No one talked to me. Duane didn’t even tell me much, other than his dad was a captain.

“When my parents died, I thought about contacting him. I talked to a detective in major crimes. Someone I trusted. I asked about Sal. He wasn’t the boss yet, but he had a record. I’d considered telling him about King until that point. I quickly realized why my mother did what she did. If Sal had a record already, it would only get worse once he took over. So instead, I sent him the information about my parents’ death. He had a right to know his mother was gone. I figured he would have come down. Checked on us.”

I watched as he inhaled deep, only to let it out slowly. He was struggling with everything that had happened over the last few days.

“He came by my office today before he left. Told me he’s been watching over us ever since. He knew where we were this whole time, but he never once reached out.”

“What would you have done if he had?”

“Hell if I know.”

Declan looked over his shoulder at me. His eyes traveled over me, reading me. Biting my lip, I prayed he saw no judgment.

“I won’t apologize for not telling King. I won’t apologize for keeping him safe, for not letting him be a part of the Mob. But I realized when I was talking to Sal today...” Rubbing the back of his neck, he turned back to the fire. “That maybe it was time to let go a little. I’ve lived my whole life for that kid. I’m not sure I know how to live for myself.”

I stood from the couch and made my way to him. Standing behind him, I wrapped my arms around him. Laying my head against his back, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He laid one hand over mine.

“I’ve lived my whole life for everyone but myself. First, for my parents, then for Duane, and then Colleen. I don’t know how to live for myself either, but I want to figure it out. It’s not easy to give up nearly half a century of taking care of others and then put myself first, but I will learn. I’m starting over. Making a new life for myself. A life I’ve realized that I want you to be a part of.”

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