Page 103 of Convenient Mafia Vows

Jess’s gaze hops between the two of us. “Yes, come, Rose. You can tell me all about what’s got you so rattled.” Her eyebrows dance independently. “My guess is it’s man related.”

Dad chuckles, and I shoot him a glare that goes unnoticed. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Oh, sweetie, you tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.”

“Okay, I take it all back. Sounds like this guy wears his boxers too tight.” Jess downs her glass of wine and asks the bartender for a refill after I recount the incident in the lobby of Weiss Tower.

The bar is busy, but not so noisy that we have to shout to hear ourselves speak; it’s buzzing, and the urge to run home and hide behind a book in my pajamas is real.

“I just wish Dad would speak up for himself,” I say, rubbing my thumb over the condensation on my glass.

She shakes her head. “Rose, your dad is a grown man. He has worked hard all his life, raised a quite spectacular daughter, and he doesn’t need you to hold his hand.”

I sip my drink, swallow, and feel the familiar sting behind my eyes. Dad meant well, suggesting that I get dressed up in something other than a T-shirt and faded jeans and spend some time with my best friend, but alcohol always produces the same result.

Jess’s warm hand covers mine.

“I miss her so much,” I say as the first tear trickles down my cheek. I catch it on the tip of my tongue and sniff loudly.

“I know.” Jess nods. “You did everything you could for her, Rose. Your mom knew how much you loved her. You even dropped out of college to care for her.”

“So, why do I feel so guilty?” I shake my head, swallow a larger mouthful of wine to blur the edges of what’s going on in my head. But still the same old emotions drag up from somewhere deep inside like water being drawn from a well.

You go through life smiling at people, trying your best to be a good person, to be kind and thoughtful and compassionate, and it works. At least on the surface. No one sees what’s going on beneath the bright smile because they have their own stuff to deal with, and that’s okay. It’s how it should be.

So, you keep going, tell yourself that you’re coping, that finally, you’ve moved on from grief and guilt and loneliness, and then one glass of wine and wham! It all comes flooding back.

“She never got over it,” I murmur. Jess has heard this all before, but she’s the kind of friend who listens and doesn’t tell me to let it go and move on.

“It isn’t something you ever really get over, Rose, losing a baby. But you know what, your parents doted on the baby they did have—you! They poured double the amount of love into you, which makes you a very lucky person.”

The bartender slides Jess’s drink across the bar towards her, and she flashes him a grateful smile. He looks at my almost empty glass, raises an eyebrow, and I down it in one. He pours another without prompting.

He’s good looking, dark hair, olive skin, high cheekbones, the kind of guy I’d be attracted to if my heart was in it. I turn around to face the room which is still filling up.

It’s early evening. The place will be busy later, and that will be my cue to leave.

It isn’t that I don’t like crowds, I’m just out of touch with partying since Mom died and everything started sliding downhill. Robbie. My career. Marriage. Jess says it’s because the universe is picking up on my negative energy, and maybe she’s right, but I can’t seem to drag myself out of it, and the bad news just keeps on coming.

“There she is!”

Jess points out her cousin Mindy who has just stepped through the doorway looking fabulous in an emerald-green pantsuit and strappy silver heels. Like Jess, she’s tall and athletic with long raven-black curls that tumble over her shoulders and turn heads wherever she goes.

Even so, I’m not looking at her. I’m looking at the couple walking in behind her, holding hands, the huge diamond on the woman’s wedding ring finger casting light signals around the room.

Robbie and his new fiancée.

I’d seen the engagement on our mutual friends’ social media posts, but I’d buried that one deep too; in a city this size, you can go through life without ever bumping into someone you want to avoid.

“Rose?” Jess’s voice penetrates my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” It’s the standard response that spills out with minimal effort.

I have no right to feel jealous or bitter or any other kind of emotion now that Robbie has moved on with his life. I was the one who called off our engagement. There was too much goingon at the time—my mom was sick, my grades were falling in college, Dad was a mess—at least that’s what I told Robbie. The truth was, we’d been together since high school, and I always felt like something was missing, like I wasn’t ready for marriage and kids and a home of our own. So, I handed back the ring and walked away.

I’ve spent the last few years convincing myself that I did what was right for me at the time, that I wanted all those things, but not with Robbie. Only now, I’m not so sure.

Blurry eyed with tears, I slide off my stool—I need to get away before Robbie spots me. My elbow connects with a glass. I gasp and hold my breath, watching the scene behind me play out in Jess’s eyes and the way she flinches.

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