Page 57 of Knot All That Glitters: Part 2

It’s So Shitty

I’ve kept my distance from the pack for the last few days.

I’ve needed to for my sanity.

Giving into the heat between Creed and me was a huge mistake. It never should have happened, because now anytime I’m around any of the Calloway alphas, I remember what it was like to touch them, kiss them, fuck them, to be knotted and stroked by them.

My body has been one giant horny hormone since Creed spent hours making me come, and I simply can’t allow it.

Can’t allow the physical to overwhelm the emotional, the instinctive to overwhelm the rational.

I wouldn’t survive if they broke my heart again.

And I have no guarantee that they won’t.

So for the last few days, I’ve been spending almost every minute in my bedroom. If Ren notices the change of location from the living room, she doesn’t mention it, doesn’t push for me to tell her why the sudden need to keep my distance.

She has been throwing me some serious side-eye, giving me the impression that she wants to say something, but isn’t sure how to broach the subject, which is very unlike her. Florence Karlin has never been afraid of telling me how she feels.

When she’s eyed me for the fifth time, I finally sigh. “What, Ren?”

Her mouth snaps closed, and she focuses on the TV again. “Hm? What?”Pure innocence.

I scowl at her. “You obviously want to say something but are holding back for some unknown reason. Come on. Spill.”

She gnaws on her lower lip, still not looking at me. “I’m just not sure how you’ll take it.”

That has my annoyance fizzling away. I lace my fingers with hers and squeeze. “Please, Ren. Say it.”

Ren glances at me out of the corner of her eye, then turns to face me fully, drawing her knee up so it’s pressed into my hip. “Maybe you should… look into one of those matching agencies?”

My head whips toward her. “What?”

She sighs and reaches for the remote, pausing the show and then turning her attention back to me. “You know, one of those agencies that use scent to find omegas and packs that are compatible? If you want to get away from the Calloway pack, and find your forever pack, you should… take steps to do it. To find them.”

My forehead wrinkles as my brows draw together. She’s not wrong. I do want to find a pack, and when we were at the academy together we tossed around the idea of using one of the matching agencies, it seemed like the best way to be exposed tothe largest number of packs, and possibly find a scent match, which is the ideal, the dream.

I know the Calloway pack isn’t my scent match. If they were, it would have locked into place by now, and besides, they already met theirs. As far as I know, you don’t get a second scent match. It’s a one and done sort of situation.

So, in theory, my scent matched pack is still out there.

I nod slowly. “You’re right, I should do that.”

Ren gives me a considering look. “You don’t seem sold on the idea, though. Why is that?”

Shrugging, I look down at the blanket covering my lap and pick at a piece of fuzz. “I don’t know, I guess- Maybe I’m still a little gun shy about the whole pack thing.” I look up, glancing around the room to make sure there aren’t any alphas lingering, listening to our conversation. Which there wouldn’t be since we’re in my bedroom. But it never hurts to be cautious. “I thought… You know, I thought they were going to be it for me. That I’d found my place in the world, and to be socatastrophicallywrong… What if I go to one of those matching agencies, sniff out my scent match pack, and we meet and they… what if they still don’t want me? Or they realize who my father is and…”

“And what?” she presses, gently. “What would happen then?”

“If he’s still alive, what if they see me as a tool to be used to get close to him? What if they view me like everyone else does? A traitor to my designation? To pack life? What if… after all this, I’m just too broken for anyone to want for life?”

Florence leans forward and tugs me into her chest before leaning back against the headboard, taking me with her. She keeps me wrapped up tight, her faint hibiscus and lemon scent a soothing balm on my tattered soul. “First, you aren’t broken.And even if you are, you’re healing… you’re like that thing... The one where they use gold to repair ceramics.”

“Kintsugi.”

“Yes, kintsugi. You are being put back together, more beautiful and stronger than before. Second, I’m going to fucking murder the Calloways, I swear to god. How dare they make you feel like this, like you aren’t worthy? You’re Haven motherfucking Bell, the best person I know. You are kind and caring. Strong. Smart. So fucking smart. And tough. You have been through more in your twenty-two years than most people go through in their lifetime. You are asurvivor. Babe, you are more than worthy of being loved by your perfect pack. And if you think your perfect pack is not the Calloway pack, then it’s time you start looking.”

I should agree with her. This is the part where I tell her yes, she’s right and I should start looking. If I have a pack, then they can protect me from my father. From the backlash. Being bonded is, without a doubt, the best defense I could have.

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