Page 36 of Knot All That Glitters: Part 2

I should argue, deny that they have any right to take care of me, but they’ve just saved me from my father again, from Brian Coogan again. They’ve ensured the safety of the three people I care about most in this world. So I just nod and settle more fully against Tic. His fingers stroke through my hair, while Jude rubs the marks left on my wrists from the zip ties.

It feels nice. Too nice, if I’m honest. Dangerously nice. Even with the chemicals in my system, I feel myself melting for them, wanting to forgive the unforgivable.

I can’t do that… not to myself. Not again.

The memory of the pain I felt when I realized what they were doing is enough to make me push away from both of them. Well, push away from both of them as much as I can while wedged between them in the back seat of a car. Which isn’t much. I attempt to make myself as small as possible after sitting up, to keep from touching them.

Both Jude and Tic let me go, but they frown at me the entire time.

Hale makes an unhappy sound when I brush his hand off my knee. “Haven,” Creed rumbles from the front passenger seat. “You need the warmth. You’re practically frozen through.”

“I’m fine,” I say in a slightly robotic voice. I don’t know if it’s the drugs my father gave me or self-preservation. It doesn’t matter.

“Your lips are blue, angel.”

“I’m fine.”

I will not let them hold me. Will not let them comfort me. It’ll only hurt worse when the drugs wear off and I’m forced to deal with the agony of what they did to me.

“Haven,” Hale sighs and the skin on the back of my neck prickles. “We need to-”

“If you finish that sentence, I will go crazy wildcat monkey, Hale. I swear I will.” I might sell it more if my voice wasn’t still disturbingly level.

A surprised chuckle from Jude. “What does that entail, button? Because I gotta be honest, it doesn’t really sound like a bad thing.”

“It entails me biting and kicking and scratching and trying to run us off the goddamn road so that I can get away from you.”

“Baby girl.”

My face folds into a frown. “Don’t call me that.” I twist toward Jude and poke him in the chest. “And you don’t call me ‘button’. And Tic no ‘angel’ from you. Hale…”

“Yes, little mouse?”

My fingers clench on my knees and I grit my teeth. Whatever Tic gave me must be working a lot faster than I would have thought, because Ifeel. Well, I justfeelnow. Anger. A lot of anger and frustration. Both of which I can deal with. It’s better than hurt. Better than hopelessness. Better than complete and utter heartbreak.

“Stop it. I know what you are now,” I say, closing my eyes so I don’t have to look at any of them. “I know what you are and it’s notthis. This caring, compassionate, possessive version you’re all wearing. So just stop putting on a show. No one here is buying tickets. All of you just stop.”

“What are we, Haven?” Creed asks like he doesn’t really want me to answer.

“Lies and liars all.” I whisper without opening my eyes. “I can’t believe a single word you say to me. So just… don’t say anything.” I hate the hint of pleading in my voice. Hate that the drugs are fading from my system and soon I’ll be just one giant wound, an ache of heartbreak.

Not one of them speaks again. But on either side of me, Tic and Jude… purr for me. A low soothing rumble that, along with the motion of the car, has my head bobbing with exhaustion. I try to stay awake. I do. But the events of the night, the events of the last few weeks, drag me down into slumber.

Chapter 13

This is How I Die

I wake up feeling more myself than I have in a long time… probably since the last time I woke up in this bed, if I’m honest.

The problem is that with feeling like me also comes feeling every ounce of hurt, betrayal, and anger at the realization of what the Calloway pack was doing to me. Using me in some sick game, I can’t even comprehend the point of. Only that it means they never really wanted me. They never intended to keep me. How could they if they had a scoresheet of every time I fucked them right up until the morning I found out?

I take a moment, curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed, surrounded by the scents of the Calloway pack. Even though this was my room, their smells always linger in the air. Then again, it could also be the t-shirt I’m wearing that smellslike Creed. Or the sweatpants that smell like Hale. The pillow under my head that undoubtedly came from Tic’s room.

My brow furrows when I don’t find anything from Jude, but then… I force myself not to care. Jude is the one who fucked me, urged me to bite him, promised we’d bond and then scurried off to add his points and the video evidence to the scoresheet.

Fuck him.

And fuck them too.

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