Page 64 of Who We Were

They've been over there every chance they've gotten.

Oliver and Emmett exchange a glance that puts me even more on edge. Emmett clears his face of the wonder that lightened his sorrow for a moment and leans forward. "Sam, can you please remember to breathe when I tell you this?"

My teeth grind, but I nod.

"Vincent answers the door and we've only spoken to him. Until today."

I grit out, “And, who the hell is Vincent?"

Again with the fucking eye contact between these two. "Vincent is Amaya's fourth mate. Her alpha."

It's instantaneous. The first and only moment my alpha and I have been on the same page.

A haze descends, stealing away every promise I just gave my friend about being calm. All control has slipped. Envy, self-hatred and pure heartache swallow me whole. "I'MHER ALPHA!"

I don't realize I'm towering over Emmett until his hand snaps out and crushes my airway. "SO AM I!" And for once, his roar and dominance overpowers mine.

My alpha balks and retreats as my spineonce againslams into the hard surface of the coffee table. I don't know what’s harder, the dining room table or this, butfuck,it kicks my alpha down.

Emmett doesn't leave me sprawled on the table for my baby brother to tear apart this time. He gets up close and personal himself.

"Alpha or not," he seethes, teeth bared inches from my face, "Vincent is a thousand times the man we are."

"Bullshit!" I snap automatically.

Emmett's hand tightens on my throat, stealing my protests. "Notoncehas Vincent spoken for Amaya! Our omega has a choice with him, and she hasn't chosen us. He hasn't left her alone. That alpha is taking care of our mate while we've spent the past few years avoiding even speaking her fucking name, Sam!"

Blood coats my tongue, but I swallow the metallic taste. I deserve it. I deserve every ounce of pain. Stars burst through my vision, Emmett having used his grip to lift my head and slam it back down.

"Emmett!" Oliver shouts, but he sounds far away.

"WE'RE TRYING!" Em's spit hits the corner of my eye, but I blink it away, knowing I deserve his wrath.

"I know," I croak, blinking up at my best friend. I can't help the tears that escape, but they aren't born of physical pain. "I?—"

"What haveyoudone, Sam?! Besides cast us aside and reject our mate without knowing the full story? We hadnoidea. Youstoleour choice, just as everyone has done to her! OUR MATE!"

I can't look Emmett in the eye. "I'm sorry."

The pressure on my neck eases as Emmett releases me. Absently, I can hear his panting breath, but Oliver nudges him out of the room. Just like when I was chased around the kitchen, I'm left sprawled out on the coffee table with tears soaking my hair.

Among the self-deprecating thoughts of what a horrible mate I am, I smile. Salt stains my tongue, my tears unstoppable, but everything just changed even if they haven't realized it yet.

Our pack bondfloats.

No longer am I the pack alpha. A leader with anger issues and a horrible view on life is not the right fit. Unfortunately, it took until today for the responsibility to shatter in a poof of inadequacy and much needed self-growth.

As soon as Emmett forced me down and covered my body with his, I gave it up. Maybe when we were younger, pack alpha made sense to be mine, but not anymore. Dominated by Emmett with Oliver watching, I feel a sense of peace settling in my soul. No longer is the burden of caring for our pack on my shoulders. Amaya is the only thing on my mind now.

Em never wanted to challenge me for pack alpha. He doesn't hold the traits or the dominance for the role.

I refuse to tether the bond knowing all I'll ever do, all I'veever done, is ruin what we could have been. So I guess we'll float until we either fade away, or find another to take hold of what I've ruined and fix the hurt I've caused.

And for once, I don't want to fade away.

I want to fight for my omega.

I want to be better. Do better.

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