Page 89 of Wolf

Rachel stares at me wide-eyed from where she’s spying on us from the hallway. I avoid her gaze because I don’t want to giveher away. Meanwhile, I silently urge her to go back to her room before she’s punished.

When Daddy opens the door wider, I stumble inside and sit at the dining table where Mama is. Her hair is in curlers and she’s wearing her nightshirt. Absently, I wonder why she bothers to do her hair because inevitably she ends up wearing a hat but that’s a mystery for another day.

Daddy paces behind her, his robe flapping with his jerky movements. It’s so quiet, you could hear a pin drop and I’m sitting on my hands to keep from fidgeting.

That they will punish me is not in question, just how badly.

“Well, Lillith Anne,” Mama says and I mentally wince. It’s never good when she uses your full name. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Exhaling slowly, I lower my eyes. This is the key. My parents demand obeisance and if I want this to be as painless as possible, I must show them what they want to see. Meanwhile, my heart rages at me because I don’t want to go back to that pale, lifeless girl.

I’m forced to ignore my naive heart though because being dead is a far worse affliction.

Clearing my throat, I say as meekly as possible, “I let the devil pull me under. I sinned, Mama…Daddy. I’m so sorry.”

Tears fall down my cheeks, but it’s not born out of the need for forgiveness. Nope, it’s loss for the young woman forced back into her cage after tasting a tiny bit of freedom.

“What are your sins?” Daddy barks and I hunch my shoulders.

This is where I have to be careful. I need to have sinned but not so badly that they cast me from their home.

“Alcohol,” I rasp. “I drank alcohol. I…I listened to the devil's music. I went to parties. I cast out God and embraced his enemy.”

Silence descends between us and I mentally cringe. Was that not enough? Too much?

“Did you sin carnally?” Mama says and I shake my head. Her eyes narrow but I widen mine to project an innocence that’s barely hanging on by a thread.

Finally, she sighs and says, “This could be a good example for the flock, Jim.”

Shoot. I can only imagine the humiliation that entails, but I bite my tongue and lower my head.

“Fine. But you know the rules,” Daddy grumbles.

Nodding, I stumble to my feet, my limbs trembling. After walking around the table, I lean over the smooth wood surface and close my eyes.

Daddy disappears for a moment while I lay there. Anticipation is part of the lesson, after all.

The first lash stings my skin. The second hurts my heart. The third burns my soul.

After that, it’s a blur until Daddy says, “Go wash that off your face and put on clothes. I’m disappointed in you, daughter, but the lord works in mysterious ways.”

Dropping the whip, he walks away. Mama doesn’t move, though, and carefully I rise, pausing when she grabs my wrist.

“I don’t know what you’re up to but know this, if you ever embarrass me again, I’ll make you regret it.”

Surprisingly, instead of fear, I have to tamp down a surge of anger. It takes everything in me to nod and when I whisper it’s because rage has me by the throat.

“I truly am sorry, Mama.”

“We‘ll see,” she says before pushing back her chair.

Once she’s gone, I limp toward the bathroom and fall into Rachel’s arms.

“Shh,” she says, while the sobs I’m forced to catch in my throat choke me.

Chapter 26

Lilli

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