Page 92 of Diem

“I’m so sorry, Mae. What happened? I thought I would meet you at the clearing,” he says and I cast back just two days ago when he abandoned me in the parking lot at prom.

Shrugging, I pull out my phone and check the time for something to do that doesn’t include looking into his eyes before saying, “Naw, I went home.”

“Shit. Mae, I’m sorry,” he says, and I force another smile before walking away. “It’s okay, Matt. Really.”

His frown follows me to my car where I pause, spying Bone across the way, presumably making deals with a cute freshman who looks up at him with flirty eyes.

Maybe I’m doing this all wrong? I know Bone is, to a certain extent, in the Sinners’ pockets, but he’s also my friend and knows more about what’s happening than I clearly do. What if I can get information from him? Except do I want to reveal my suspicions about my dad?

He knows about Penny’s worries because he was there at Dixie’s funeral. I might have mentioned it when he agreed to take me to Fight Club too.

It’s a risk but one I’m willing to take if it means figuring out what the hell is going on. Resolved, I take a single step forward before my dad says behind me, “Go on home, Mae.”

“Huh?” I say swinging around.

Dad scans the lot with a frown before focusing back on me.“Home, Mae.”

“Dad—”

“Nope, I think you should devote more time to your schoolwork,” he says, raising a brow. Oh shit. Did he hear about my test?

Damn. Nodding, I turn to my car. Now is the worst damn time for this, but maybe—

“Oh, and Mae?”

“Yeah?” I ask, looking up.

“I think, until you can bring those grades up, you should be at home.”

His tone is gentle but there’s a ring of steel to his tone that I’ve never heard before.

“What? Dad…“

He shakes his head and I cringe when he barks, “You think your future is a game? You know you can’t do this without help.”

Wide eyed, I nod before taking a single step back.

“Just do as I say.”

Blinking back tears, I fumble with the key fob, refusing to look up when he says much softer, “Mae.”

With a slam of my door, I start the engine and back from the lot. My vision wavers and I swipe at my eyes, meeting Diem’s stare as I pass. He cocks his head, his brows furrowed before he glances back at the school.

With a miserable smile, I exit and turn toward home but my gut burns the entire way.

Dad has never been so harsh with me. He’s the one who understands my disability and therefore tends to be more patient. So why the vitriol? What did I do? Or does it have anything to do with me at all?

I’ve calmed enough by the time I get home to face my mom, who no doubt will have an opinion about my shortcomings, but she barely spares me a glance when I pause in the kitchen.

I’d rather get it out of the way but when she doesn’t bother to acknowledge my presence, I turn to the stairs with confusion. She’s never let an opportunity go by to lecture me about school, usually followed by a sermon about how great Ollie is. So, what’s the deal?

In my room, I drop my bag to the floor and collapse on the bed. It’s been a shit day, although to be fair, life in general is no picnic.

Dad’s acidic tone rolls through my brain, and I fight back another round of sniffles before easing from the bed and locking myself in the bathroom. At times like these, the notion that I’ll quit goes easily by the wayside. I just want a respite from the ache that perpetually twists my heart. Is that too much to ask?

The tile is cold against my ass, and I shiver as I pull out the razor hidden beneath the makeup I almost never use. Running the blade between my fingers, I envision the pain bubbling from my skin and disappearing into the universe. After one gentle swipe, I sigh and lean my head against the wall.

Except this time, the ache doesn’t go away and a lump forms in my throat before I raise my shaky hand, hovering over my skin. I shouldn’t be doing this. I can’t do this.

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