Page 116 of Ramsay

Somehow, he’s twisted this around. No, I will not feel guilty about protecting myself even if my sternum burns with shame. Did I make a mistake?

Spinning away, I say, “No! You’re fucking insane. This is just another fucking game. I’d like to go now.”

Ha! As if I would ever believe a single thing they say. You can’t fix this kind of broken; it’s rending my fucking soul.

“Sit down!” Ramsay barks.

Mulishly, I cross my arms which only inflames him. Still, I can’t contain my shock when he grabs my arm and pushes me toward a coach sitting against the wall.

Once I’m down, he leans into my face and says, “I don’t give a fuck what you believe or how you feel. We opened our secrets to you, and now you’re bound to us. We bleed, you bleed. We sacrifice, you sacrifice.”

Dropping my eyes, I exhale shakily. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so fucking confused but it doesn’t matter. Ramsay started something he can’t finish.

The knowledge hurts my soul and with a sigh that ends in a sob, I say, “Do you know what you did to me?”

Ramsay flinches and backs away. Something which surely can’t be regret passes over his eyes, before he says, “Perhaps that could have gone better, but it’s over and here we are.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” I say, moving to stand.

His arctic look inspires me to drop back to the cushions as he says, “Bringing you here was a necessary evil. When you chose to lie, we had to revisit and revise. We can’t afford mistakes, Willow.”

“Right,” I say bitterly, “because parading me before the dick who knows my dirtiest secrets…wait a fucking second. How do you know?”

Ramsay cocks his head to the side, leveling me with his stare. We’re back to the lord of the manor again. Fucker. “It was a calculated guess. You were with Jagger after all.”

He jeers the last and I look away, my cheeks flushing. I’m not proud of the Jagger years but that doesn’t mean I need him to rub my bad choices in my face. What does he see when he looks at me? A means to an end? Just like every other fucker?

“Do you know what that dick will do to me?” I say quietly.

When the silence is practically deafening, I glance at Ramsay sideways. He’s staring at the wall, his jaw clenched before he shakes his head. Turning to me with his cool eyes, he says, “We knew he was an affiliate of Jagger’s which is why you’re here. If we don’t show a united front, we lose the upper hand.”

“The upper hand? What upper hand? I ran from Crush. I escaped. He’s not going to let that go!”

“And we forced him to understand what happens if he tries anything.”

Shaking my head, I lean into my palms and say, “Do you have any idea what you’re dealing with? That fucker tied me to a table. He did things to me that haunt my dreams. If this is you forcing me to conform, fuck you.”

The silence that follows my statement is deafening before Ramsay raises his gaze to Diem. Diem nods and backs away, saying gutturally, “It’s done.”

“What is?” I ask.

“You mess with one of us, you mess with us all,” Diem says simply.

“Why was he here?”

Diem’s mouth curves into a frown but he admits quietly, “Because, he’s my cousin.”

Whoa. I wasn’t expecting that. Shit.

“I need to go,” I say into the quiet. Although in my heart of heart’s I know Diem is nothing like Crush, the surge of panic I feel is not rational.

That man did things to me I can never put into words and even though I was completely out of it at the time, I know enough that it haunts me in my dreams.

I guess that’s my cross to bear for entering hell willingly. I welcomed what came next without thought for my worth. Now although I convince myself I’m not that girl, I still wonder if maybe I am that shell who doesn’t deserve the redemption she so desperately craves.

I’m shoved forcefully from my thoughts when Ramsay touches my chin. Flinching away, a strange mewl escapes my throat before I bite my tongue.

Ramsay grabs my chin and I swallow the blood pooling in my mouth as he says, “Calm.”

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