Page 39 of A Song of Death and Desire

“It’s going to be amazing having you back in Witches Cove little sis,” I say after a few moments of silence, pulling her into me once more and placing a light kiss on the top of her head.

Another round of drinks is delivered to our booth, interrupting our conversation, but we spend the rest of the night drinking, laughing, and completely enjoying each other’s company. It’s a perfect night and I’m glad I thought about organizing it.

Chapter 39

The sounds of groaning and shuffling reach my ears, and I turn to see a raccoon by the name of Kairi moving slowly into the kitchen. Laughter bubbles out of me before I can suppress it. She clearly went to bed last night without removing her eye makeup. It is now smudged around her eyes giving her the appearance of a trash panda. Her long hair is tangled and wild and she’s wearing my t-shirt again. I doubt I’m ever going to get it back.

She squints her eyes into a glare as she pulls herself to sit at the island. “Wow, you look rough this morning,” I snicker.

“Fuck you,” she snaps back, wincing and placing a hand to her head at the sound and causing me to laugh even more.

“Why did you let me have so many drinks last night, Eagan? I was doing so well at the beginning of the night,” she groans. After we rejoined the others following our time together in thebathroom, the drinks started flowing much more freely. It wasn’t long before Sienna called out for us all to do shots. To be honest, I lost track of how much we all drank but given the size of Kairi and the fact she’s never had alcohol before, I’m not at all surprised she’s struggling today.

“Goddess, who knew that alcohol makes you feel this shit the next day? I knew it could make you messy when you’re drinking it, but I did not expect this,” she says resting her head in her hands. I pat her on the back, trying and failing to appear sympathetic. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this. She’s always been bright and optimistic. This is probably the most human she’s looked to me.

“How about I take you out for a greasy breakfast at Jessie’s Diner this morning? The food there is always good for a hangover.”

“How do you look so perfect? You drank even more than me and you don’t even look like you had a sip. It’s not fair,” she whines. My chest puffs up with the compliment.Perfect.

“Go and have a shower and clean yourself up. You look like a raccoon,” I tease, and she shoots me a glare once more before shuffling back out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

It’s half an hour later when Kairi finally emerges from the bathroom. I was starting to worry she may have drowned in there because she was taking so long. She definitely seems to be more like herself after the shower, but if you look closely enough, you can see that her skin is paler, and her movements are more sluggish than normal.

Kairi winces at the noise of the diner as we find a small table amongst the families and other hungover party-goers. As funny as I find her predicament, knowing that we’ve all been in her shoes, I don’t like seeing her in pain. I encourage her to drink a big glass of water and offer her a couple of aspirins for her headache.

“What would you like to eat?” I ask.

“I don’t even know if I can stomach anything. Even the thought of food makes me queasy.”

“You happy for me to order for you then? If you don’t want to eat it that’s fine but I promise that eating something helps.” She nods before resting her head on the table.

When the server arrives at the table, I order two servings of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, and toast. I also order myself a large, steaming cup of coffee. I take pity on her and stay silent for a few minutes and she doesn’t move her head. I realize that this is the first time we have been anywhere, just the two of us. It kind of feels like it could be a date. Not a very good one, though, considering Kairi’s current state.

Kairi barely lifts her head when our meals are delivered to our table, only peeking up enough to look at it, let out another moan and then flop her head back down. I nudge her with my foot. “Come on vicious one, time to eat,” I encourage. I tuck into my food, and after a few short moments, Kairi takes a tentative bite. And then another, like she’s testing the strength of her stomach. After a few bites, she begins to eat with more enthusiasm, and I take that to mean that she’s confident that she’s not going to barf it back up. She’s already vomited around me once and, to tell you the truth, I’m known to be a sympathetic vomiter.

We sit and eat in comfortable silence, neither of us feeling the need to fill it with mindless conversation. Despite the noise of the busy diner surrounding us, I feel peaceful.

“What was it like, being— well you know— what you were before?” I ask the question popping out of me without warning. She looks at me suspiciously and I can’t say I blame her, considering how I have treated her and the things I have called her. “Honestly, I’d like to know,” I say to try and reassure her.

She relaxes slightly but there’s still tension that makes me think she’s uncertain how I’m going to react. “It isn’t really aneasy life,” she begins, “I mean we don’t have commitments and things that we have to do during the day like humans do. Most of our life is focused on our next meal and the fear of having to find enough souls to survive…” she trails off wincing. A shiver runs down my spine, but I find that I’m not as repulsed by the fact as I once was.

“So, what happens if you can’t find enough souls? How often do you need them?”

“A soul lasts us about a year but coming to land drains us quicker. Many of my sisters don’t bother coming to land often, they don’t really see the appeal. I was a bit different though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I came on land as often as possible. We are only able to take on a human appearance for twenty-four hours at a time, and as I said, it drains us quicker, so I still had to be careful, but I loved being on land. I still love it.” She gives me a soft smile that, surprisingly, I return.

“Did that mean you had to eat more souls? What happens when you’re, like, running out?”

She looks at her hands, fidgeting in her lap. “Yes, I did need them more frequently, but I was always careful not to drain myself too much. I spent a lot of time sick, lethargic, and hungry. When we are close to needing another soul, our life force dulls and everything becomes more difficult. Most of my sisters can’t stand that feeling, but for me, it was the price I was willing to pay to walk amongst you all for as long as I could.”

I sit with this for a moment and think about what it must have been like for Kairi to want to take her human form more frequently than her sisters but then having to feel sick a lot of the time as a result. I wonder what it was about being around humans that held such an appeal for her that she was willing to put up with the consequences. I ask her as much.

“You all have such freedom, the choice to spend your life doing whatever you want. I used to sit and watch you all go about your day and every single person did something different. It is completely fascinating to me the amount of choices you have available to you on a daily basis; what to eat, when to eat, who to spend time with, how to spend your free time. As a siren we don’t really have any of these choices and I was always envious of you.” I’m surprised by her answer. From our interactions, I have been able to get the sense that she is happy to be human, but I didn’t suspect just how deep her longing for this life was. That she was unhappy with her life before. Perhaps I haven’t been completely fair to her.

“Do you miss being a siren?”

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