Page 45 of A Song of Death and Desire

I lay on my back and Kairi places her head on my chest, her subtle ocean smell permeating my nose and filling me with a sense of peace.

“Thank you, Eagan,” she whispers before falling asleep.

Chapter 44

Istartle awake, unsure of what woke me. Eagan breathes softly next to me, undisturbed by my movement. Last night was a dream, one I never want to wake up from. Something has changed between us but I’m afraid to voice it in case it’s taken away. I know he told me that what we have together is just sex. But last night felt a hell of a lot like what I have imagined making love would feel like. It was passionate but lacked the ferocity of our previous sexual encounters. It was gentle and intimate in a way that I have never experienced. I wonder if it felt different for him too. His eyes told me that he feels a lot more for me than he has admitted to. Do I dare hope that he feels the way that I do?

The information from Raidne yesterday rattled me to my core and I don’t know how to process it. Guilt continues to feel like a lead weight in my stomach and despite the joy it gave me to hear that Eagan is willing to help me, I know I can’t let him. I choseto let him live and then saved his life again when I didn’t even know him. Now I truly know the man he is, the man who doesn’t let others in often but when he does, loves them fiercely and will protect them with his life, I can’t imagine putting him in danger again.

Things are finally going back to normal in his life. He’s working again, spending time with his friends and Sienna is moving back to Witches Cove. He’s happy and the impression his friends have given me is that he wasn’t like this before. Sienna even told me herself that he appears more light-hearted than she has seen in a long time. How can I take this away from him? How can I thrust him back into danger when he should have never been involved in this world in the first place? The bottom line is that I can’t. I won’t.

The whole way back to shore after meeting with Raidne I was desperately wracking my brain to find a solution to this mess. I think I’ve come up with one but I’m risking everything I have built these last few weeks.

The way I see it is that I have three options. Firstly, I can ignore it, let Vala continue to do whatever she is doing to the people she captures. My conscience will not let me do this. That’s not the person I am or ever want to be.

My second option is that I take the time to formulate a plan with Eagan and Raidne to take Vala down. The problem with this is that it will take time. And in that time, Vala can take more humans. I’m not okay with that. It will also mean putting both Eagan and Raidne’s lives at risk. I can’t do that either.

My final option is to face Vala myself. I can request another bargain. Is it stupid? Absolutely. But it keeps the people I love safe. I’m not sure what I can offer her that she would deem valuable enough but I’m willing to risk my own life to clean up my mess.

This is the option I have decided on. Tears well in my eyes once more when I think about what I might be leaving behind. Eagan, Sienna, Tom, Lacey, Kelsey, the boutique. Somehow, I managed to create a meaningful life for myself and even though it has not been for as long as I would have liked, I am so grateful for the time I have had.

If I’m going to do this, it needs to be now. If Eagan catches wind of what I’m planning, he will stop me or come with me. I can’t have that. I have to protect him and keep him safe. I know he will be angry with my choice but if I survive, I’m hopeful he will forgive me. I’m certain he doesn’t want to face Vala again but offered to help me due to the same guilt that drives me. But I have far more to atone for than he does. He can be angry as long as he is safe.

Now is the perfect time to leave. The soft glow peeking through the gaps in the curtains tells me that dawn is approaching, and Eagan is unlikely to continue sleeping this deeply for much longer. I hope that when he wakes, he doesn’t immediately realize where I have gone and follow me.

Eagan’s chest moves up and down with his breaths and his ebony hair falling across his face. He looks so peaceful and all I want to do is wrap myself back up in his arms and pretend the evil of the world doesn’t exist. Option one looks incredibly appealing right now.

I steel my resolve and place a soft kiss on his cheek, my lips barely brushing the skin so as not to wake him. The realization hits me all at once and I gasp for breath.I love him.This beautiful man who had the misfortune of being out on a boat at the wrong time has changed my life. He’s given me everything I have ever wanted for myself but never dreamed could be possible.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

And because I love him, I have no doubts that this is what I have to do. It has always been worth it for him.

The sky is lit with hues of red and orange as the sun rises for the day. The streets are empty. Despite the time of day, the temperature is already warm, and beads of sweat drop down the back of my neck. Although that could be because of my nerves.

This is foolish and I could very well be walking to my death. I don’t have a plan. Well nothing beyond asking what Vala would want from me in exchange for not harming the humans. I have no idea what she will say or if she will even entertain the idea. But I’m going to try.I have to try.

It takes a while, but I eventually reach the cliff that houses Vala’s cave. The ocean is still today. Quiet. Not even the sound of a bird breaks through the silence. I remember the last time Eagan and I were here. We were exhausted and Eagan was barely holding on to his sanity. I was afraid. Uncertain. But even though I didn’t know him yet, Eagan’s presence comforted me at the time.

I take a deep breath, willing my heart rate to slow and trying to suppress the panic that is bubbling under the surface. I begin my descent down the cliff face. The absence of a breeze and the dryness of the rocks makes the climb down easier than last time. I’m not afraid of falling. I’m afraid of what’s to come when I make it down.

By the time I reach the opening to the cave my face is dripping with sweat and my palms are clammy with nerves. I don’t hesitate for long, knowing that if I do, I might talk myselfout of this, so I push my shoulders back and hold my head up high, projecting a confidence and bad ass attitude that I certainly don’t possess right now. I say a silent apology to Eagan and Raidne and then walk into the cave, the darkness consuming me.

I haven’t gone far before the flap of wings causes me to almost jump out of my skin as one of Vala’s ravens swoops me. A couple more steps and it does it again, this time eliciting a squeak of fright. I can’t see them, but I can sense their stares. Their warning to turn around and leave.

A glow from deep in the cave directs me and as my eyes adjust, both ravens come into view. They are still, but their eyes follow me.

“Pretty siren, I’m surprised to see you here again,” purrs a voice that seems to echo throughout the cave. Vala. “Such a pretty little siren but you mustn’t be very smart. We’ve made our bargain, and I’m not interested in seeing you again.”

I close my eyes and will my voice to be strong and confident. “Vala, you tricked me. I know that you have found a way to harness my song to use it for your own gain. That was not part of our bargain. I can’t let you do that.” Her responding cackle raises all the hairs on my skin.

“You gave up your song willingly, pretty siren. There was no stipulation of what would be done with it once I had taken it from you. You don’t need to worry about it. You got what you wanted, right? How’s human life with your handsome boy? Is it everything you dreamed of? You should leave things alone that don’t concern you.”

My hands clench into fists by my side. “You can’t do this. What are you even doing with the humans? What use do you have for them?”

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