Page 34 of A Song of Death and Desire

“Well, I could have just grabbed some fruit. Or made some toast. I wouldn’t have fucked that up.” I reply somewhat defensively.

He holds his hands up in surrender. “I know you can do that, but I wanted to make you something nice for your first day of work.” He holds out the plate of what looks like a cheesy omelet and crispy bacon in a peace offering and my mouth immediately starts to water.

“Thank you. This looks delicious,” I acquiesce, grabbing the plate from his hands, “but I would really like to learn how to cook sometime soon. Can you please teach me?”

“Sure thing, vicious one. Now eat before it gets cold.” The sound of his pet name for me on his lips causes butterflies to flap in my stomach. It’s one thing to use the name during sex. Another thing altogether when he says it in casual conversation. I wonder if he’s aware of the way the name makes me melt into a puddle on the floor. Or that the way he says it betrays affection for me that he’s trying so hard to deny. He’s going to have to stop calling me adorable pet names if he wants our relationship to remain purely sexual because how can I resist that? But goddess, I don’t want him to ever stop.

I arrive at the boutique precisely at nine o’clock and wait a couple of minutes out the front until Kelsey joins me. She beams when she sees me and then unlocks the door and turns on all the lights.

“Alright Kairi, are you ready to get started?” She asks and I nod eagerly. She spends the next hour before opening showing me around the store. She explains how all the items are organized and where stock is kept out the back. She then demonstrates how to use the cash register. Nothing is too complicated, however; it is a lot of information to retain as everything is so new. Kelsey shows an impressive amount of patience, answering every question and repeating instructions when I don’t understand the first time. At no point does she make me feel like I’m dumb or that I’m a burden. I know I made the right decision to ask her for a job before looking elsewhere. I’m aware that her kindness and generosity is hard to come by.

After the basic run through we are ready to open. Kelsey explains that the store isn’t always busy. There are periodswhere multiple people come all at once but there are also many times where there are big breaks between customers.

After being open for half an hour, the first customer enters the store. She’s a middle-aged woman, curly hair and dressed professionally, like maybe she’s on the way to work, or taking a break. Kelsey gestures for me to be the one to greet and help the customer.

“Hi there, is there anything I can help you with today?” I ask cheerfully. The woman is kind and asks for assistance to find a dress for an upcoming date. It’s an easy enough request and I am able to direct her to the section of dresses and pull some items that she might like. I then direct her to the change rooms and Kelsey gives me a sly thumbs up. I grin to myself, pleased that things are off to a good start. When the woman decides on a dress, Kelsey watches from beside me as I ring up the item on the register. It all goes smoothly, and the woman leaves the store, pleased with her purchase.

“Nice job,” Kelsey praises and I feel myself stand a little taller and allow the smile to take over my face.

The rest of my four-hour shift progresses smoothly. We have a steady stream of customers but do not get too busy that I become overwhelmed. For the most part, Kelsey lurks in the background and allows me to practice; however, sometimes, she needs to step in and help me find something that a customer requests.

I’m overcome by a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that I have never experienced before. The feeling of learning something new and succeeding, of providing a service that benefits others. I’m gradually becoming more independent and able to look after myself and the feeling is euphoric. I never in my wildest dreams could have pictured doing something like this.

Throughout the day I have also realized that I thoroughly enjoy talking and socializing with others. I try to engage everycustomer that comes into the boutique in a conversation. I have no problems finding a discussion topic and in general, they are more than happy to participate. I’ve had many questions from people who don’t recognize me, but everyone has accepted my response that I’ve moved here from out of town.

At one o’clock when my shift has finished for the day, Kelsey walks up to me having just finished eating her lunch. “You did fantastic today Kairi. How did you find it?”

“I loved it,” I say with complete conviction. “I loved meeting new people and learning new things. When can I come back?” I ask, speaking quickly.

She laughs, “how about tomorrow?”

“Yes!” I practically squeal.

“Okay, okay. Tomorrow it is. We will just stick with the same shift, nine o’clock until one o’clock. I just want to make sure I’m easing you into it before I start throwing full days at you.”

“Thank you again,” I say, and she gestures as if to wave off the gratitude.

“Honestly, it’s no problem. Your help actually benefits me as I might be able to get a break every now and then,” she chuckles. “I do need to get all your details though— you know, ID, social security, that kind of thing.” My stomach plummets and crushing disappointment threatens to overwhelm me. Of course I don’t have these things. Kelsey notices my rapid change in mood and looks at me in confusion. “Is there a problem with that?” she asks gently and I don’t know how to reply. My eyes start to burn and I’m afraid I’m going to start crying.

“You don’t have an ID,” she says and it’s more like a statement than a question. All I can do is nod. She stares at me for a few moments and I wait in fear for her to turn me away. Eventually she smiles. “Okay, we might have to be a bit sneaky then. I really like you, Kairi and I want to help you out because I know you’ve had a tough time. God knows we all deserve to have help in ourlow moments. So I’m willing to pay you in cash for a bit while you sort everything out for yourself. Does that work?”

My breath escapes me in a woosh and I push down the urge to throw myself at her in gratitude. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kairi.”

I wave as I leave, a bounce in my step and a wide smile on my face. Everything feels like it is falling into place for me. Now if I can only figure out what to do about Eagan, I would be perfect. I find myself eager to get home to talk to him and I hope that some of the awkwardness from this morning has gone.

Back at the apartment, I find Eagan busy at work on his laptop. Since I’ve been here, I haven't seen him doing any work and I’m intrigued to learn more about what he does. When he hears the door close he looks up at me. “How was your first day of work?” He asks me.

“Oh, my goddess, it was so good. Kelsey is the nicest person alive, and I loved talking to all the customers. I had such a good time. I promise that I’ll give you my first paycheck to start paying you back for everything you’ve done for me.” The words pour out of me as I rush to tell him all about my day.

“That’s wonderful that you had a good day. I’m surprised you were able to pick up everything so fast, considering you’ve never worked before,” he says kindly.

“Me too,” I admit, “I hoped I would be a fast learner, but I honestly had no idea if I would be. Fortunately, things there seem simple enough and Kelsey was happy with how I did. I’ve got another shift tomorrow.” Eagan nods in acknowledgement and turns back to his laptop screen.

“What are you working on?” I ask.

“Tom sent me through a project that he would like me to start working on. Mostly he just wants me to pitch some ideas to him first before the clients. It’s a way to make sure that I’m capable of doing the work and that I’m not going to flake on him again.”Guilt rises in my stomach for being the one to cause him to lose his job in the first place.

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