Page 25 of A Song of Death and Desire

Eagan has a television. I’ve seen them in the diner and at a couple of the places I went to with men I seduced. I know it’s controlled by some kind of remote. After looking for a couple of minutes, I find it. I settle into the comfortable cushions with my feet tucked underneath me. I press a few buttons on the remote before the extremely large television comes to life. I stare in awe as I have never really spent much time paying attention to these things before now. I manage to navigate my way to something that has various television shows and movies available to watch at any time. I find something that catches my interest calledLove Islandwhich looks like they have shoved a bunch of attractive men and women on an island together to see what will happen. It sounds fun. This will keep me occupied until Eagan comes home. Sitting in a comfortable chair, relaxed, and fullysated with food at my disposal, I decide that I’m going to hang around. At least for a little while.

Chapter 25

Icouldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough after seeing Kairi soaking wet and in just a towel. And fuck! Hearing her say the words tits and pussy had my mind wandering to those times on the beach when I did see her completely naked. Despite my muddled memories, I can still very clearly recall the shape of her body. She was teasing this morning, first with the comment about eating me, which kind of made me nauseous and then, leaving the bathroom in just a towel. Now though, my mind is merging the two of these things together and I can’t help but think what she would taste like. Of course, I’m not thinking about actually eating her. Eww. But picturing her naked is making me want to press my lips to every part of her body and take in her salty ocean scent that hasn’t dissipated in the time she’s spent on land. I want to move my lips over her neck, her breasts, her stomach and eventually between her legs… Fuck! Ishake my head and give myself a mental slap. I am not going to go there. I have self-restraint.I think.

Because I left the house earlier than I needed to, desperate to get away before I threw myself on her, I spend some time driving around aimlessly. I attempt to will my raging hard-on to soften before I have to go to Tom and Lacey’s. I’m not having much luck though as the memories of her seem to have imprinted themselves. I try to think about some of the worst things to get my dick to go down and finally have success.

I pull into Tom and Lacey’s driveway and pause for a moment before getting out of the car. I’m nervous. It’s a positive sign that they wanted to catch up today. It’s more than I deserve after screwing over Tom at work. I’m worried that they are going to still be angry with me and demand more answers than I will be able to provide. I’ve already decided that I’m going to stick with the story of being mentally ill and now receiving help. It’s not too much of a stretch and means I will have a consistent story. I take a couple of deep breaths to center myself. I put the siren out of my mind so I can focus on rebuilding these friendships.

Tom and Lacey greet me like nothing has changed. Lacey gratefully accepts the wine I offer with a kiss on the cheek and Tom gives me a handshake that turns into one of those one-armed bro hugs. My nerves remain present but lessen due to their warm welcome. It feels different to be here without Kelly beside me, but Tom and Lacey are my friends, and I have always felt comfortable with them. We start the conversation with neutral topics. I can tell that Tom wants to ask about what happened. He’s fidgeting in his seat and keeps glancing at Lacey. I steel my resolve and choose to get the conversation out of the way sooner rather than later.

“Look Tom, I know you have questions, but I’d like to get my apology out of the way first if that’s okay?” He nods so I continue. “The boat accident messed me up man. I wasn’t closeto Don, Brenton, and Steve but I still grieve their loss and feel guilty as hell for coming away from it unscathed. I did not handle the aftermath of this well and made some fucked up decisions. I know now that what I was experiencing was post-traumatic stress disorder but at the time I refused to accept that something was wrong. I know I’ve talked to you about my upbringing before. My father never allowed me to show emotions so I tried and tried to push it all down but obviously that doesn’t work. I can’t apologize enough for the way I treated you, Tom. It is completely unacceptable that I just stopped showing up to work without even talking to you. You had every right to fire me. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am and that I’m really trying to get my life back on track now.” My eyes start to burn but I refuse to cry.

“I knew you were struggling, Eagan. I think we all did but we just didn’t know how to help you. I’m not gonna lie and say I wasn’t pissed off. I still am to be honest. But mostly, it sucked to see you hurting and shutting us all out. I know Kelly was having a really hard time with it as well,” Tom said gently.

I sighed. “Yeah things did not go well with Kelly. I’ve made my apologies to her as well, but things are definitely over.”

“We’re sorry, Eagan,” says Lacey.

“Don’t be. I don’t like how it ended but I’m glad we’re over. We weren’t meant to be forever.”

Tom pauses and I can see the tension in his shoulders. I hold my breath as I wait for what he is going to say next. What if he doesn’t forgive me? Have I ruined years of friendship? Tom glances at Lacey who gives him an encouraging smile. He then slaps a hand on the table, making me jump. “Okay now that’s out of the way, let’s just put it behind us. I appreciate and accept your apology, Eagan. We may even be able to talk in the future about you coming back to work but let’s not do that today. I’ve missed my friend, and we are glad to have you back.” He smilesat me, and I return it, a heavy weight lifting off my chest. With every conversation I have, I feel like things are getting back to normal.

Lunch with Lacey and Tom is exactly like our catch ups have always been. After the awkward initial conversation we don’t speak about anything too deep and just enjoy each other’s company. Tom offers me a beer. Then another. And then one more before I decide to cap it there. I remember that I am going home to Kairi, who I have no business being this attracted to, and I do not want to be drunk when I go back there. We joke and laugh, reminiscing about the past and I feel lighter than I have in a long time. I can’t believe that I almost ruined this irreparably. It’s early evening when we decide to call it a day. There’s a part of me that is reluctant to go home and face Kairi, but my base instincts seem to be pulling me there. Being around her is going to be harder than I could have ever anticipated. Especially if she is going to live by the ‘clothing optional’ philosophy.

I don’t know what I expect to walk into when I get home. I’ve left Kairi home alone with absolutely no instructions. She could have torn the place apart for all I know. Shit. I didn’t even consider that she may rob me. Oh well. Too late to do anything about it now. I was absolutely not prepared to find Kairi sitting on the sofa, legs tucked beneath her and watching some ridiculous reality TV show. She also looks like she’s been raiding the kitchen for food as wrappers and apple cores litter the space around her. She’s so engrossed in the show that she doesn’t even hear me walk in.

I clear my throat, and she startles. “Fuck, I didn’t hear you come in.” She smiles widely and I swear my heart skips a beat. She is so god-damned beautiful.

“Having fun?” I question with a smirk.

“Goddess yes!” She bounces in her seat and tells me all about the show she is watching in far more detail than I need. I can’thelp but smile back as her excitement is contagious. “... oh, and the food you have is so good. I’ve just been wanting to try everything, but I think I’ve stuffed myself so full there is no room for anything else.” She leans back and rubs her stomach. I laugh and her eyes brighten.

“Did you have a good day?” she asks.

“Yeah I did,” I acknowledge. She smiles again in a way that is different to those I have seen previously. This is not snarky, teasing, or unsure. She looks genuinely happy right now and my chest warms at the realization.

“What did you do? Where did you go? Can you tell me about it? I’ve never really had the chance to just talk with someone about their day. I want to know everything.” She rambles all excited and bubbly. It’s kind of cute actually.No. Not cute. Monster, remember?

“Wanna sit down and watch with me for a bit? I can explain what’s happening,” she questions with a tinge of insecurity in her voice, gesturing towards the TV. And for some completely unknown reason I sit myself down beside her to do just that.

Chapter 26

Kairi has now been staying in my apartment for a week. Things are going well but I swear if I have to tell her to put on more clothes one more time I’m going to lose my fucking mind. She has absolutely no problem wandering around the place in a towel, tiny little shorts or even her underwear. Sometimes I wonder if she is completely oblivious to the effect it has on me but then I see her look at me and bite her lip and I know that this vicious one knowsexactlywhat she is doing.

This week I have jerked off more frequently than I ever have before. The need to come is relentless. And every single time I picture her. The way she smiles so brightly at the most mundane things, like chocolate and a soft blanket. The way she bites her lip seductively when she strides into the kitchen in a thong and barely there bra to get a snack while I grip the counter with white knuckles using every bit of strength I possess not to layher down on the island and feast on her. The soft little snores she makes as she falls asleep on the sofa watching TV and the touches she gives me far too often to consider them accidental. All of these things are leading to an obsession I am struggling to contain. This is different to when I was under her spell. I didn’t know her then. Now I’m seeing all of these parts of her, and I can’t seem to connect this version of Kairi to what she used to be before. I often find myself forgetting all the things she has done and becoming far too comfortable in her presence, but I have not allowed myself to cross that imaginary line.

And that is why, just like every other day this week, I’m in the shower with my hand wrapped tightly around my cock. I replay the way her fingers traced my thigh last night as we sat together and watched that fucking reality show she’s now become addicted to— okay, I admit she has gotten me into it too. It makes me laugh that she’s gone and got herself addicted to reality TV. It’s such human behavior.

She ran her long fingers up and down my thigh while sparks of electricity flooded my body. Kairi is never overtly sexual, but I’ve learnt that she is flirtatious by nature. She never pushes for anything, and I feel confident that she would stop if I ever showed any discomfort, but god does she push the limits of my restraint.

I let myself fantasize about what I would have done last night if my head hadn’t gotten in the way. I picture that it is her hand around my cock right now, stroking up and down, giving small squeezes at the tip. I let out a loud groan and my left-hand braces against the shower wall as I close my eyes and give in to the sensations. I picture her straddling me on the sofa, holding my dick between our two bodies and then I taste her the way I’ve been dreaming. Her lips, her neck, her nipples. My hand speeds up, in time with hers in my fantasy and I moan again. Myballs tighten and I yell out her name as I spray cum all over the shower tiles. Fuck! What is this girl doing to me?

I exit the bathroom using a towel to dry my damp hair. I bump into Kairi who is coming out of her room at the same time.

“Nice shower?” she asks with a smirk. Fuck, did she hear me? I wasn’t as quiet as I should have been, too caught up in the moment to even think about her hearing me. Or… maybe I wanted her to. I momentarily wrestle with that thought before giving her a shrug and moving into the kitchen. She follows and sits close to me at the island. Probably closer than what others would see as necessary, but I choose not to comment on it.

My phone buzzes with an incoming call and I pick it up not bothering to move away from Kairi once I see Sienna’s name flash.

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