Page 24 of A Song of Death and Desire

“Ummff…This is soooo comfortable,” she says, her voice muffled by the pillow she has her face pressed into. A short bark of laughter escapes me, surprising her and also myself.

“I want to lay here on this heavenly pillow of comfort forever,” she says dreamily, her eyes already closing as she snuggles beneath the blanket.

I cough. “So, yeah, you can stay in this room. There’s food and water in the kitchen, and the bathroom is the next door down from this room. Anything else you need?” I stop talking when a soft snore reaches my ears. She has already fallen asleep.

Like a creep, I watch her for a few minutes. I take in the way she sleeps folded into herself, trying to make herself as small as possible. From here, I can see the smatter of freckles that dust her nose and cheekbones, small marks on her creamy, white skin. The same beautiful spots freckle her shoulders. Her long hair fans around her, some long strands falling over to cover her face. I resist the urge to reach over and push those strands behind her ear. The last time I saw her, her hair was soaking wet from the ocean and the rain. It then dried into clumps from the sand and the salt. Now, it shimmers, shines, and has such a depth of color. God, I want to run my hands through it.

I shake myself out of my trance and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I know I thought this earlier but I am even more certain now that bringing her here was a mistake.

I can’t deny that I am attracted to her. I am entranced by her beauty in the same way that her song bewitched me. I wonder ifthis desire is a remnant of her song and the madness it caused. If it takes a while to fade. Or if it never will. The thought unnerves me.

In these few interactions I have had with her, I also can’t help but find her interesting. She has a spark that I can't describe but am drawn to. But that’s okay right? I can be attracted to someone without having to act on it. Yes, that’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to ignore these jumbled-up feelings until they go away.

It’s not even that late at night, but I feel weird being up while Kairi sleeps, and once again, I’ve got too much running through my mind. I go to my room and get ready for bed. I'm hyper-aware of Kairi in the room across the hall. I toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position before lying on my back and staring at the ceiling. I can’t get her off my mind and I’m furious about it.

Chapter 24

Iwake to the sound of a voice.His voice. It takes me a while to remember where I am and how I wound up here, but it all rushes back. The man at the diner, the way he followed me with intent to harm me, Eagan showing up out of nowhere and bloodying up his knuckles for me, and then offering me a place to stay. For a few moments last night, he looked at me like I wasn’t a monster. He even held my hand, and I couldn’t stop the warmth that spread through my skin at the touch. It didn’t last though. I saw the moment that he remembered who I am.WhatI am. It was like a wall slammed down over his features, and any kindness I saw in his gaze was replaced with disinterest and reproach.

I recall coming back with him to his apartment and meeting my true love in the form of this amazing bed. I don’t recall anything after that. I take stock of my appearance. I’m still inthe mint green dress from yesterday. I can’t believe I fell asleep without even taking the time to take off my shoes. I must have just passed out the moment I got comfortable. My cheeks warm as I realize I have no recollection of saying good night to Eagan. Goddess, did I fall asleep right in front of him? I let out a yawn and stretch out my body. Even after a full week of being human, the sensation of stretching my muscles, hearing the little pops as everything falls back into place, still feels wonderful.

Eagan’s voice sounds from outside my room. That’s what woke me up. The shades are pulled down over the window, making it impossible for me to tell what time it is, so I reluctantly pry myself away from heaven to look outside. As I suspected, the sun is high in the sky indicating that, again, I slept for a long time. I swear all this body wants to do is sleep! And now that I’ve discovered this bed, I’m not sure I ever want to stop.

I kick off my shoes, grateful to feel the floor on my bare feet. Note to self: shoes come off before sleep. I leave my room and hesitantly enter the kitchen where Eagan sits at the island bench. I’m nervous to see him again and a bit embarrassed about falling asleep so quickly last night. He glances at me. “Gotta go Tom, I’ll see you and Lacey in a couple of hours.” He ends the call, placing it down in front of him.

“Good morning,” he says, and a pang of disappointment stabs my chest when I recognize the same closed off tone of voice he used last night and not the warm one I caught a glimpse of. “Did you sleep well?” The corner of his mouth lifts up in a small smirk and once again my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“I can honestly say I’ve never slept anywhere so comfortable before. It’s like sleeping on a cloud. I am sorry that I fell asleep so quickly though, you didn’t even really get a chance to show me around or let me know what you expect from me being here.”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair that is gorgeously tousled from his own sleep. “GodIdon’t even know what toexpect from you. I don’t like the idea of you being exposed on the beach and running into trouble again like last night but to tell you the truth, I’m not super comfortable with you being here either.”Ouch, that hurts.

“I’m not sure how this is going to work but for now, just hang out here, sleep here and eat the food in the fridge. I’ll try and figure out what to do with you later. I’m going out soon though.”

I nod and my stomach lets out a loud grumble. His little lop-sided smile returns, and I swear I’d give anything to witness the power of his full smile. “Hungry are we? Sorry I don’t have human flesh on the menu today,” he says dryly and seriously, picking up a glass of water to drink. There it is. Just another sign that he thinks I am despicable and despite him showing kindness by allowing me to stay, it’s temporary and he will be trying to get rid of me as soon as possible.

My shoulders slump forward a little but I draw upon my snark and give it right back to him. “Oh damn! And here I was thinking you look so delicious and hoping you might serve yourself up to me on a silver platter.” Eagan chokes on his water and after catching his breath he looks at me warily, his mouth twitching. I can see him trying to decide if I am serious or not. I let him off the hook this time. “I’m just joking! The food humans eat is fucking delicious. I’ll have anything you’ve got. Can I please have a shower first though? I’m feeling pretty gross after sleeping like the dead.” I don’t really wait for an answer before walking to the bathroom. I smile to myself at my ability to keep him on his toes even though I don’t always feel the confidence I display. I don’t want him to see that the way he reacts to me hurts.

After spending a minute or so playing around with the different temperature knobs until the water flowing from the shower head is beautifully hot, I can’t help but groan as the spray seeps into my skin, causing a state of relaxation that makes my legs feel wobbly. I could get used to the luxury of the humanworld. I find some body wash and rub that over my skin until I feel clean and soft. I inhale and breathe in the hints of coconut and spices. It smells like him.

I realize when I’m finished that I don’t want to put on the same dress I was wearing last night. I’ve been wearing it for a while and it’s in desperate need of a wash. There is a towel though, so after giving my hair and body a quick dry I wrap it around myself. It covers everything that humans get weird about seeing so I don’t think twice before leaving the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” I look down the hall and see Eagan leaving what I assume to be his bedroom. He’s staring at me, pupils blown and with a faint tinge of pink to his cheeks.

I smile at him. “I’m going to change into some of my other clothes. The dress was a bit disgusting, and I didn’t want to put it back on now that I’m clean.”

He coughs. “Can you er… maybe… not walk around naked when you are here?” I look at him confused, an eyebrow raised.

“But I’m not naked. My tits and my pussy are completely covered. That’s what normally makes you humans uncomfortable right?”

“Fucking hell,” he mutters under his breath while rubbing a hand over his face. “Just put some clothes on okay.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going. Don’t stress,” I huff. Humans are so strange with their views about other people's bodies but I am hit with the satisfaction that seeing my body seemed to have an effect on him. He’s not so repulsed by me after all.

Eagan has been out of the house for a couple of hours now. He didn’t say where he was going or when he would be home. Iguess it isn’t really my business. I’m very unsure about my place here and what I am supposed to do when he is out. He said I can sleep and eat here but what else?

Am I allowed to leave? I’m going to get bored if I have to stay around this apartment all the time. I wonder if being here is simply delaying the inevitable. He isn’t going to want me around forever. If I get used to these human luxuries and his attention, it will hurt all the more when he kicks me to the curb. I should leave now before he gets the chance to rip my heart out. Figuratively of course, after all,Iwas the one who ripped out hearts.

I wander into the kitchen for the second time since he left. I’m not used to having such a wide range of foods at my disposal. The fresh fruit is particularly delicious but, of course, does not come anywhere close to the burger from the diner. I pick out a red apple that is sitting in a bowl on the kitchen island. I take a large bite and relish the sweetness that coats my tongue. I bring it with me to the sofa, continuing to take bites as I go.

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