Page 19 of A Song of Death and Desire

Sienna lives in a city about two hours away from Witches Cove and works as a professor at the college there. She specializes in the sciences. You would never guess that she is a scientist by her appearance alone. Sienna is a bright ray of sunshine, always bubbly and kind. To know Sienna is to love her. Just being around her is enough to brighten anyone’s day. I think she loves the shock that crosses people’s faces when they discover her profession and try to match it up with her blond Barbie appearance. I think people assume that she is dumb. I know a lot of men she deals with on a regular basis do but that is so far from the truth.

Sienna wanted to come straight here to support me as soon as she found out about the accident, but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want to cause problems for her at work if she had to take time off. Not to mention my stubborn ass was convinced that I was perfectly fine.

“I wasn’t able to tell you before but my mental health kind of went to shit after everything that happened. I was experiencing a lot of flashbacks, anxiety, and panic attacks. I wasn’t able tofocus on my work and I wasn’t able to give Kelly the support and care she needed from me. I’m so ashamed about how I treated her. She probably told you that I was a complete dickhead, am I right?”

Sienna laughs and sniffs and I can tell she is tearing up, “yeah something like that. Are you going to try and get her back?”

I sigh. “No. As much as I don’t like how things ended, I think it was necessary. I have too much going on right now and although we tried, I don’t think we were as compatible as I once thought. So…” I continue, “I was struggling a lot mentally and getting out of bed was hard most days. But I didn’t realize until just recently, well yesterday actually, how bad I had actually become. I’m ready to do better now, Enna. I’m going to get myself back on track.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? Without Kelly are you alone?”

“Nah don’t worry little sis, I’ve got people who will help me,” I lie.

“Good. It’s only two weeks until summer vacation and I’m coming to stay whether you like it or not. Don’t worry, I won’t crash in your space, I’ll get a hotel room. I know how you get. In the meantime, I want to speak to you every night. Every night, Eagan, do you hear me? You will not go radio silent on me again.”

“Deal,” I respond with a smile. It will be so good to see her again. She comes to visit when she can but it is never often enough. I miss her terribly. “I have to go, Enna. I love you.”

“Love you too, E,” she replies before ending the call.

That’s one problem fixed. A hell of a lot more to go before I’ve repaired the damage I’ve done to my life.

Chapter 19

Feeling more settled after my conversation with my sister I decide it’s time to take a shower. Last night I passed out exactly as I was, which was filthy and disgusting, and I have a strong desire to erase all the evidence that yesterday happened. If I can purge all the dirt and sand from my body, then maybe I can rid myself of the memories. One can only hope!

I step into the hot stream and sigh as the water soothes my sore muscles. I watch as the sand that was caked onto my body mixes with the water and runs down the drain, the tension leaving my body in the same way. I close my eyes and tilt my head up to face the shower head. For the first time since the accident, being underwater is not causing me to panic. Now that all my memories have been released by Vala I am no longer tormented by the flashes of memory and fear that were haunting me before. It is such a relief to be free of the anxiety that I almostweep and I truly start to think that I may be able to get through this.

I remain in the shower for longer than usual until I feel like both my body and soul are finally clean. I have a new, more positive outlook on life. As I finish pulling on my plain black t-shirt there is a pounding on the door. I obviously don’t move quickly enough because after only a few seconds, the knocking begins again.

“I’m coming,” I call out, hurrying to the front door. I’m unnerved to see two deputies from the Sheriff’s department and my anxiety spikes as I wonder why they are here.

“Mr. Reynolds?” The first one asks. I remember seeing him around town, but I don’t know his name despite looking approximately the same age. My heart rate immediately increases as I wonder why they are here.

“Yep, that’s me. How can I help you deputies?”

“In the early hours of the morning a boat was found abandoned a few miles offshore. The coast guard was called and once they checked the registration it was found to be in your name. Now, maritime matters are not usually under our jurisdiction but given recent events and your history with the recent boat crash, we were concerned about your safety and decided to conduct a welfare check. It looks like everything is okay though so can you explain why your boat was out there?”

Oh shit, shit! The thought of someone finding my abandoned boat didn't even cross my mind. To be fair, I was a bit preoccupied, but that means I haven’t had the time to come up with a good cover story. Think, Eagan, think. My face heats with my racing pulse and I decide to feign ignorance and innocence.

“Shit, really?” I say with fake concern as I run my fingers through my freshly washed hair. “I honestly don’t know anything about it. I wonder if perhaps someone stole it? Is it okay though, the boat? Was it damaged?” The deputies share alook, and I can tell that my attempt to appear concerned was not as convincing as I had hoped but they definitely wouldn’t be able to guess the real reason for my behavior.

“It appears to be in perfect condition still, it’s just strange that we found no one aboard. Are you sure you don’t know anything?”

“I’m sorry deputies, I really don’t have anything to tell you. I’ve been struggling a little bit since the accident a couple of months ago and have mostly just been keeping to myself. Last night I was here, alone, trying to catch up on sleep. I also didn’t go out yesterday. As I said, I’ve been isolated.” The words leave me in a flood, and I wish I could scoop them back up again. That’s probably more information than was needed in this situation.

The deputies sigh, seemingly disappointed that I was not going to give up any more information. I wonder if my voice was steady enough, if my body was still and calm, and didn’t betray my nerves.

“Okay, well thank you for your time, Mr. Reynolds. The boat has already been returned to the marina. Someone will be in contact soon for you to sign some paperwork to have it returned to your possession. Please let us know if you have any further information. As I’m sure you are aware, there are a lot of suspicious incidents that occur on the waters of Witches Cove. The more information we can get, the better.”

I nod. “Thank you, deputies. I’ll be sure to let you know. Have a good day.” With my dismissal, they turn and leave. I shut the door and breathe out a sigh of relief. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I also can’t explain what happened. They won’t believe me even if I try.

As much as I want to stay at home and continue to rest, I am ready to get back out into the world again. I have to. I have to try and remember what things were like before everything went to shit. To start with, I need food that is not dry cereal and after that—operation get my job back.

As I get dressed I notice that there is a lot more room in the waistband of my jeans than I’m used to and it’s another reminder that I need to get back to looking after myself. Before all this I was a pretty healthy guy. I worked out and ate well enough to ensure that I had a nice amount of muscle definition without being too bulky. It worked for me but clearly, siren-afflicted Eagan did not care about going to the gym. I groan at the thought of the muscle pain that’s going to come with going back.

At the store, I’m not being very observant of my surroundings and bump into Lacey, Tom’s wife, almost cleaning her up with the shopping cart. This happens way too often. I should not be allowed to handle shopping carts.

“Eagan!” she exclaims, after I quickly apologize. “It’s been such a long time. Are you doing okay? Everything that happened at work was terrible. I know how much it hurt Tom to let you go.” Her surprise turns to concern, and it makes me nauseous. I feel undeserving of her sympathy.

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