Page 18 of A Song of Death and Desire

As I reach the outskirts of the town center, I start to make a list of items I will need to purchase with the money I have been given. I’m nervous as I know it isn’t enough to survive off for long. I also can no longer use my song to coerce people into buying things for me and for the first time it hits me how truly alone I am. I always envied humans for their freedom and choices, but I think that I also viewed them as being weak. How could I not? They are really no match for sirens and rarely put up even the slightest bit of fight. Our song renders them immobile and completely compliant. It’s not their fault.

Not only do I feel alone with no one to lean on for support, but I also feel incredibly vulnerable. Without my siren abilities, I am as weak as I always viewed humans to be. I have no way of defending myself against people who may try and hurt me. These thoughts increase my discomfort.

Food and clothing are the items first on the agenda. As much as I want to find as much delicious food as I possibly can and stuff my face until I’m so full that I could explode, I know that is a reckless decision. I need to be smart. I am also aware that my dirty, torn up clothes are going to draw attention to me everywhere I go. And not the good kind of attention. The first part of blending in is to look the same as everyone else.

I find a small boutique clothing store and sigh in relief when I find that it is still open and there are no customers currently in the store. A bell dings when I walk in, and I quickly startscanning the items of clothing on the racks to find something suitable.

“Hi there, would you like some help finding something today?” A chirpy voice sings out. I turn around and am greeted by a young-looking woman with short, vibrant pink hair and bits of metal gleaming in her ears, nose, lip, and eyebrow. I don’t know if I have ever seen anyone that looks quite like her, but I immediately get good vibes. The woman’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline as she takes in my disheveled appearance, her gaze scanning me from head to toe.

“Oh my gosh, what happened to you? Is everything okay? You look like you have been through some shit. Is that blood?” She points to what is indeed blood on my sleeve. I knew I was going to draw questions with my appearance. Damn! I should have taken the time it took me to walk here deciding on my cover story. Something tells me that saying I’m a siren who made a bargain with a witch and became human is probably not going to help my cause. I’ve been human for no time at all, and I don’t want to get locked up already because people think I’m crazy.

“Um, yeah. I… uh… got caught in the storm earlier and tripped over trying to get to cover and scratched myself up a bit.” I manage to stammer out. There, that actually sounded plausible right?

“Oh, honey that sounds awful. Are you in need of some new clothes? Let’s see what I can find you.”

“I don’t have much money,” I quickly blurt out. I need to make sure that I spend the smallest amount possible.

“Not a problem at all honey,” she replies with a knowing look on her face.

In no time at all, the woman, whose name is Kelsey I discover, has helped me find a few sale items that will do the trick. Some leggings, a basic T-shirt and a sweater. Nothing fancy but comfortable and practical and most importantly, cheap. Afterscanning my items, Kelsey encourages me to change into them right away and thankfully offers to dispose of my ruined ones. With a wave and a cheerful goodbye, she lets me know that if I need anything else, I can stop by the boutique any time. Her kindness fills me with warmth and it’s good to know that if I run into trouble, there’s at least one person in this town that might be willing to help me.

After counting my money for what is probably the twentieth time, I decide that spending it on a motel room is not wise. That will take up almost all of my funds and I have no idea how I’m going to access more money when this runs out. I need to make this last as long as possible. I resign myself to the likelihood that I’m going to be braving the elements and sleeping outside. I rack my brain trying to think of somewhere that I can sleep. In the end, the only option that I feel somewhat comfortable with is the rocky cove where I usually come to land. It’s not busy like the main beach and I’m sure I can keep hidden and somewhat sheltered in the small cave-like structures. For now, that will work but I know it is not a permanent solution.

Now that I am dressed inconspicuously, I feel more at ease walking around town. I buy myself some food at a supermarket. There are many things I haven’t tried but I assume that because it is in packets and not refrigerated, it should be okay to eat. I then begin the journey to my cove. I’m grateful that it is almost summer, and apart from the storms that are frequent in Witches Cove, the weather should be manageable. I don’t know what I would have done if this had all happened in the middle of winter. As a siren my body was made to endure the freezing temperatures of the deep ocean but I'm not sure what this human body can survive, and I don't want to find out.

When I arrive, I spend some time locating the perfect place to sleep. Just as I suspected there is a small space surrounded by rocks that will offer me some protection. The sand is soft,and I know that I am exhausted enough to be able to fall asleep anywhere. I make myself comfortable by curling up on my side and in moments, drift off to sleep.

Chapter 18

Ipry my eyes open and immediately wince at the sun that pours through my window. Every part of my body aches. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. And then reversed back over for good measure. For a moment, I think that I had the craziest dream. A siren, a witch, two midnight black ravens with creepy eyes. But as I begin to wake up fully and become more aware of my surroundings, the onslaught of memories bombard me. I’m forced to admit that it wasn’t a dream and that not only do sirens and witches exist, but one has actually now come to land and is going to be living amongst us.

My stomach growls. What time is it? When did I eat last? I feel like I have been in daze, functioning on autopilot for days, weeks even. This is the first morning in a long time that I have woken up fully cognizant of the world around me. My stomach pools with dread when I remember the events of the past weeks whichI now know were the result of the siren’s song. I want to curl back up into the fetal position and force myself back to sleep so I don’t have to face the damage I’ve caused to my life and those around me. How could I have let things get so fucked up?

Despite having far more clarity now, I’m still not entirely certain how much of my actions can be attributed to Kairi and what parts I might be to blame for. My stomach rolls when I think about the things that I have lost. Kelly, my job, I’m sure I’ve blown things with my friends too, especially Tom. I groan when I realize just how long it has been since I’ve spoken to my sister, Sienna. We used to talk all the time, and she was so concerned about me after the boat crash. She wanted to come and visit but I asked her not to, assuring her that I was fine. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke. It’s a wonder she hasn’t come knocking on my door, cursing me out for ignoring her.

The thing is, I regret my behavior immensely, but I don’t regret things ending with Kelly. They absolutely should not have ended the way they did. Did they even actually end? Now that I think about it, I don’t think we even had a conversation about breaking up. I was so disinterested and distracted that she left, and I didn’t follow. At some point she came and packed up her things and I don’t think I even noticed or cared.

I bury my head in my pillow and fight back the tears that burn behind my eyes. I know that I was not fully responsible for how I behaved but I feel like a huge asshole. Kelly and I had been together for a long time, I had even started to have thoughts about asking her to marry me. I had begun to have doubts about our relationship, feeling like we just weren’t the right fit for each other but I tried to push those concerns away, telling myself that I was lucky to have someone like her. And I was lucky. I genuinely cared for her, loved her even, but there was a spark missing. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t deny it.

It pains me to know that I have hurt her so badly. I don’t even know how to start repairing things. I don’t want to get back together but she deserves some kind of answer, some closure.

I force myself to roll out of bed to at least get some food and search for my phone. In my state of madness, I was barely looking at my phone, not wanting to talk to anyone. I’m grateful for that now though as it means I didn’t have it with me on the boat yesterday. Otherwise, it would probably be at the bottom of the ocean right now. Eventually I find it wedged between the sofa cushions and plug it into the charger. I feel like I need to call Sienna. Not only is she my sister but she is also my best friend and is probably worried sick about me.

While my phone is charging, I shuffle into the kitchen, the time on the microwave showing me that it’s one o’clock in the afternoon. Fuck! I slept for about seventeen hours. I brew myself some coffee and quickly realize that I have very little food in the house. Seems that I was neglecting myself just as much as I was neglecting everyone else. I manage to find an open box of cereal in the back of the cupboard. There’s no milk so I eat it dry straight out of the box. I’m too hungry to care.

By the time I have finished eating, my phone has enough charge to turn on. As soon as I do so, it is flooded with messages. Most of them are from Sienna, becoming increasingly distressed when I did not respond. I take a deep breath and decide to make this phone call now. She needs to know I am okay and honestly; I need the comfort of her voice right now. I select her number and the phone rings.

Once.

Twice.

“Eagan? Is that you? What the hell is going on? I’ve been so worried. Kelly messaged me to tell me that you broke up with her. I’m going to come to Witches Cove. Something is obviously going on. Does it have something to do with the fishing accident?Are you hurt?” Sienna speaks so quickly that she barely takes a breath. She certainly leaves no time for me to interject. I’ve learned over the years that it is better to simply wait for Sienna to tire before even attempting to get a word in.

“Enna it’s okay. I’m okay. Take a breath.” I hear her obeying my command.

“You need to tell me what is going on right now.” I don’t really know what to tell her. It can’t be the truth because she will think that I am crazy, but I don’t want to outright lie to her either. I don’t lie to my sister.

“You know about the boat accident Enna and how tough it was for me?” I talked to Sienna regularly in the days after the crash and I had to use a lot of my persuasion skills to make sure she didn’t get in her car and drive straight down to Witches Cove.

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