Page 16 of A Song of Death and Desire

A soft brush against my shoulder causes an involuntary shudder. It feels like someone is running a single finger down my arm. I can sense her presence, hear her voice but I can't see her. My chest tightens and I push my palms against my thighs to try to cease their tremors and I fight the urge to reach out to Eagan for comfort.

“So, what is pretty siren and handsome boy doing in my cave, hmm? My friends have been watching you and they tell quite the tale. Are you trying to save him, pretty siren?”

Everything about her voice triggers my fight or flight response. Every part of my being recognizes her as a threat and wants to get out of here as quickly as possible.Danger, danger, my brain screams at me, and it takes everything I have to resist the urge to run and instead raise my chin and exude a false sense of confidence.

Another flap of wings captures my attention and suddenly there are two midnight black ravens watching us. It feels like they are staring into my soul. And like one wrong move will trigger an attack.

“I’ve come to make a bargain,” I announce, and I am quite proud of the steadiness of my voice, not betraying a hint of the fear writhing inside me. The laugh that echoes throughout the cave chills me to my core. I start to perspire, and my legs feel like jelly. This was a bad idea. We should not have come. Eagan stands unnervingly still beside me. Only his short, trembling breaths remind me of his presence and his fear now that he is faced with the myth.

“Oh, pretty siren is here to make a bargain with Vala. How wonderful! I do so love to make bargains, and it has been a very long time since I've had one of your kind come to see me. Your kind though, handsome boy, I've seen regularly throughout the years. Humans always want and want. They hear of Vala and think that I am some magic wish granting creature but oh no, that's not me. You don't get something without giving me something in return, pretty siren. So, what are you willing to pay as the price for handsome boy's mind?”

“I do not have much to give, Vala is it? But I am willing to pay a fair price to remove the effects of my siren song from Eagan’s mind so that he is no longer haunted by his memories. What do you ask of me?” My voice is slow, calm, formal. This is a transaction and one I want to come away from on top.

She cackles again. “Oooh, pretty siren. You don’t think you have much to offer huh? Did you know that because he has heard your song he is going to die? There’s no avoiding it. It might take hours, days, or weeks but eventually he will die by his own hand, yours or one of your hungry sisters. How important is he to you? Enough to give your own life for?”

A sharp intake of breath from beside me has me looking over at Eagan. His face has paled but he doesn't shrink away. He’s braver than I gave him credit for. Many humans and sirens alike would have cowered in fear when faced with the essence of evil that surrounds us.

“You know it would be so easy for you to drag him down into the ocean and pluck out his soul in that magical way you do. I can tell that you haven't consumed a soul in a while. I can sense your pathetic weakness. All that power, wasting away. You don’t appreciate the gift you have. You must be getting hungry, pretty siren. Why don’t you ease that discomfort? He's just a human. Yes, I agree he is handsome but there's so many more out there just like him. Why go to all the trouble? You can put him out of his misery and then go back to your pretty little life in the sea. Doesn't that sound so much easier?”

A mixture of revulsion and fear crosses Eagan’s face. “You eat souls? Fuck, what is this nightmare? I'm starting to wish you’d just left me to drown. It sounds like a better way to go than having my soul literally ripped out of my body.”

I ignore him for the moment although I’m sure those words will leave a wound when I’m eventually able to process them. “Don't worry about why I want him to live. It's not your problem. What I want to know is are you willing to make a bargain?”

She laughs her cruel laugh again and I worry that she is going to ask for something I am not prepared to give. I have purposely not spent much time considering what she may ask from mebecause I am honestly not sure what I would give up for him. I'm certainly not going to start throwing suggestions out there.

“Hmm, what to ask for from a pretty siren? Should I take your life? What about the life of your sister? The one with dark hair and olive skin. Raidne. Does his life mean more to you than hers?”

I hesitate. “Shit, I want to live but I don’t want anyone else to die. Kairi are you sure we should be doing this?” Eagan mutters to me with concern.Just a second ago you said you would prefer to have drowned.A tiny hint of annoyance creeps to the surface at his rapidly switching emotions. My stomach is rolling in turmoil at the impossible choice.

“I’ve got it! How about the very thing that makes you, you? Your song is the cause of your dilemma, so perhaps we remove it all together hmm?”

I take a moment to process her words, an uneasy feeling tightening my chest. “You can do that? Take away my song?” I question, wondering just how powerful this Vala actually is. Not for the first time I consider that this may have been my biggest mistake so far, but it seems like a much better trade than mine or Raidne’s life. I don't for a second believe that Vala is going to allow us to leave here unscathed. It's either bargain with her or prepare to fight and I have no idea what she is capable of.

“Pretty siren, you have no idea what I can do,” she purrs, echoing my thoughts.

“How will I survive if I can't use my song to consume souls?”

She laughs once more, “My pretty siren, I won't just be taking your song. I'll be claiming everything. You like to spend time on land so much, how about we make that permanent? I'll be taking your song and your siren essence. You'll be the human you always dreamed of being.”

Eagan gasps beside me but my brain is quickly moving through the words she has spoken. I will be human. That'ssomething I have always dreamed about but never considered a possibility. If I am human, maybe I can get to know Eagan more. Maybe I can build a connection with someone other than my sisters. A flicker of something that feels a lot like hope springs to life in a dark corner of my soul. But worry prevents it from growing any larger than the small glimmer that is there. This actually sounds like a decent bargain. Eagan regains his sanity, and I become human. I will still be able to see Raidne and the others when they choose to come to land. It won't be the same but maybe, just maybe, I can have more of a life than hunting for human souls and being the cause of death and destruction.

“Please, Kairi,” Eagan pleads but I have already made up my mind. “It’s a bargain,” I say clearly and confidently.

“Wonderful, wonderful, pretty siren. Now remember, a bargain is final. All you need to do now is sing one final time for me. Let me hear that beautiful melody and then you and handsome boy can be on your way.”

I glance at Eagan and take in the look of uncertainty plastered on his face. I avert my eyes to the floor, open my mouth and sing for the last time. I pour everything I have into the song, my loneliness, my pain, my confusion, my fear, my curiosity for the man beside me and the tiny bud of hope that maybe there is a future for me on land. I sing and sing until my voice starts to become softer, less melodious. My hands grasp my throat as my voice becomes raspy, the magic of the song disappearing. And suddenly all we are left with is silence.

I look at Eagan and blanch at the revulsion that plasters his face. The magic of my song has finally left him completely and he is regaining his memories and full awareness. “I was right. You are a monster,” Eagan growls and turns, running back to the opening of the cave. Leaving me alone.

Chapter 16

My feet pound the dirt and rocks that cover the cave floor as I get the hell out of there. At the entrance of the cave, I pause for a fraction of a moment, sparing a glance behind me. A twinge of guilt enters my mind before I'm flooded with memories as they flash one by one, pressure increasing in my head with the onslaught. When did my world get this fucked up? I was just a normal guy with a normal life. Boring even. I got up each morning, went to work and then came home to Kelly. Occasionally I would see Tom or my sister Sienna. So, tell me how a simple day out fishing led me to standing in a cave with a siren making a bargain with a witch on my behalf? It's a shit show, an absolute colossal head fuck. And honestly, now that whatever magic was rotting my mind has been removed, I'm ready to be done with all of this, forget it ever happened and tryto repair all the damage I have done to my life in the past couple of months.

Now that my memories have returned, I'm even more eager to get away from this cave and the monster, well monsters, within. Because that's what they are, both the witch and the siren, Kairi, are evil incarnate. I wasn’t sure about Kairi before but now I am certain. I was fooled by her innocent and vulnerable appearance.

I remember now. I remember the storm that day and the way their song enchanted us, forcing us to jump off the boat into the raging sea below without any conscious thought of the danger. I remember watching in horror as they tore into the flesh of my friends, staining the water red. They are murderers. Vicious, monstrous, murderers. A part of me recognizes that she has been trying to help me and that perhaps I should be grateful but I shove that part right down. I refuse to get myself killed by getting all tangled up with an enchantress. I now have a clear picture of what Kairi looks like in her siren form, and I realize that her beautiful, goddess-like human appearance is just another way to lure in her prey. After all, the deadliest creatures are always the most beautiful.

I'm shaking with anger. If I weren’t so exhausted, I would punch something. I need to feel the pain of split knuckles and bruised skin. I need to hurt. I need to feel something other than this relentless storm of emotions that keep changing by the minute. I am not usually an emotional person, falling on the side of apathy, so I am completely unaccustomed to feeling this much. It's like I am going to explode.

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