Page 65 of Saint

It'd be so easy to put all the blame and anger on Yejun. To take his offer to do so and hate him. To mourn and rage and go on pretending like Nix hadn’t discovered who his cousin truly was in life.

But just because it would be easy, didn’t mean it would be right.

It didn’t mean it would fill this void in Nix’s chest, or make going on with the knowledge any more or less easy. At the end of the day, Branwen had opted to leave him and the rest of the world behind. Nix needed to accept that he wasn’t as important to her as she’d been to him.

He needed to accept that he wasn’t even mad at her anymore for sending him to Foxglove.

That he wouldn’t give up the Demons for anything.

That his assimilation into their fold was no longer survival-based. Nix wanted to belong with them. To them.

He wanted Lake, the stoic, overbearing next in line for the throne.

And West, the flirty genius with a penchant for eliciting pleasurable pain in the bedroom.

And Yejun. Nix still wanted Yejun. Flaws and scary tendencies and all. He wanted quiet talks in the art room and sensual touches as he was posed over a platform.

He wanted connection.

“I always thought I was better off alone,” Nix said softly. “That I didn’t need anybody. I had Branwen when something was on my mind, and I had the memories we’d made together as kids. That was always good enough. Before I met you three. She thought she was sending me here to clean up her mess, but what she really did was introduce me to all the things I was stubbornly missing out on.”

Like friendship.

And love.

“I’ve never fully given myself to another person before, June. That wasn’t even something I believed myself capable of. But in a short amount of time, you three have clawed your way past my defenses and slipped into my bloodstream.” He reached for him then, taking one of his hands, the heat from the Demon's body sending electrical currents up Nix’s arm.

“I hate her for hurting you,” he admitted, guilt and regret bubbling to the surface, swallowed back down as he forced the confession out. “If she were still alive, I would take your side, and that both pains and terrifies me because for all my life, Branwen was everything I had.”

Her betrayal tarnished some of those precious memories, true, but not all. He could still choose to remember her as that bright and sunny girl who’d chased after rabbits in the fields with him. Who caught glowing twinkle bugs in glass jarson warm summer evenings at his side. Who cheered him on whenever he was studying or the self-doubts crept in.

“Branwen loved me,” he concluded. “Even if she chose herself in the end, I know she did. And I loved her. But,” he squeezed June’s hand, “now I have you three. What I feel for the three of you outshines anything I have ever felt for another person, even my cousin. I’m sorry that she hurt you, Yejun. I promise that I will only ever give you one hundred percent of my true self. I promise to only ever be honest with you. And, maybe together, we can both heal the wounds she caused.”

Branwen and the person he’d been with her was his past.

The Demons were Nix’s future.

He’d do whatever it took to keep that future alive.

Chapter 19:

“I can’t believe you said that to my dad,” West laughed. “Good looking out, Nixie.”

“I’m glad you’re getting such a kick out of it,” he drawled, not feeling the same. “You guys have clearly been a bad influence.” Up until now, Nix wouldn’t have dreamed about speaking out against authority, especially not in the manner he had.

Risking them all the way that he had…

“You don’t think Lake is pissed, do you?” He wouldn’t blame him if he was.

As much as Lake hated Demitrious, the whole reason the Demons had put up with him this long was because they needed his support. What if Nix had inadvertently cost Lake the throne?

Nix and Yejun had returned from the Roost a few hours ago, just in time to discover West had woken up and was beingrelocated from the ICU. After checking in with him for a bit, the others had left to take care of business, leaving Nix behind to look after the injured Demon.

Not that anyone would be able to tell from first glance.

West was his usual chipper self and was working on his third hospital pudding. Aside from the gown and the fact he needed to move slowly to and from the bathroom, there were no indicators he’d been shot. They were lucky. The bullet had apparently lodged itself in his side, avoiding two major organs by some miracle.

During surgery, they’d had to repair part of his tional when the doctor had nicked it removing the bullet, but according to them, it’d been a simple fix. West should be out of the woods and could even return back to the Roost as early as tomorrow, so long as he took it easy and stayed in bed today.

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