Page 89 of Martyr

He considered that and then nodded. “It does.”

“That’s…” Nix pursed his lips, staring across the room blindly. “I shouldn’t believe you, but I do. Even though it’s more likely this is a trick and you’re trying to get me to drop my guard, knowing there’s a good chance that’s the case…I believe you. Does that make me the biggest moron on the planet?”

“You know how loyal I am.” West eased his finger into Nix’s body.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “To Lake and Yejun.”

“And to you.”

“Yejun hates me right now. How can you be loyal to us both? Why would you even want to be when Yejun is—”

“They’re my best friends, my brothers, my family.” West pushed in a little deeper, carefully watching Nix’s face for any signs he was hurting him.

“Exactly.”

“That means I know them better than anyone,” he continued. “June is angry, but he’ll see reason once he cools off. Whether or not you forgive him is up to you, but I know he’ll feel like shit for what he’s done. As for Lake, he really is the biggest moron on the planet. He’s too rigid, too singularly focused. In his mind, sitting back and letting the two of you work it out was his way of ensuring things didn’t get worse.”

Nix snorted.

“You don’t think so?”

“No,” he sighed. “The problem is I do. I can totally see where you’re coming from, and that bothers me more than being fucked into unconsciousness did. I don’t want to like you, West. Any of you. I want to quit this university and go back to Hyacinth and graduate like a normal student.”

“Really?”

“That’s what I want to want,” Nix admitted. “I think a part of me will hate you three forever for making me desire something else. My future was set. I had it all planned out…”

“But you’re not Lake.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Which means you can take a step back and look at the picture from a new angle.” West really liked that about him. “Start small. What do you want right now, in this moment?”

Nix shifted as West’s finger penetrated him deeper. “I want to know why you have a reputation for being bad with your emotions. Clearly that isn’t the case. With your temper, I thought you’d be livid, but instead you’re being so gentle and understanding…”

“Do you not like it?”

“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s just…confusing.”

“Because June was always the soft one with you?”

He frowned. “Is that why you’re being like this? You’re trying to emulate Yejun?”

“This is how I’ve always treated Yejun and Lake, actually. Ever since we were kids. Though, I will admit it’s a learned behavior, and June is the one who taught it to me. When we were younger, I was the runt of the litter, so to speak. Other kids used to pick on me all the time. Lake and Yejun would come to my defense, and June would always tend to my skinned knees or bloody nose.”

When he couldn’t care for himself, he’d always known Lake and Yejun would be there to do it for him. They argued all the time, disagreed over everything, and sometimes got angry enough to throw a punch or two. But they were always in each other's corner. No matter what, whether they weren’t on speaking terms because of something stupid and petty, West knew if he needed them, they’d come through.

“I never knew my mother,” West told him. “I didn’t miss her or long for something I couldn’t have. There was no space in my heart, no sense of inferiority toward the other kids who had two or more parents. My dad was awful enough, why would I wish for another of him, was my childish way of viewing it. So, when Lake’s mom died, I didn’t know how to comfort him.

“Yejun stepped up and did most of that himself. I sat quietly with them and beat up anyone who tried to comment about it at school. If someone whispered about how sad it was or how they pitied him, I’d make them pay. Even though half the time those comments weren’t meant to be cruel. Using my fists was the only thing I had to offer, so that’s what I did.”

“When my cousin betrayed Yejun?” Nix tentatively asked. “What did you do then?”

West gave a partial smile. “Later. I’m not done reminiscing yet.”

Chapter 21:

“Did you know I used to play waif?” West slid his finger free and rolled Nix onto his back, shifting on to his knees between the other man’s spread thighs. When he caught Nix peering down the length of his body at him tensely, he clucked his tongue. “Babe, when have I ever lied to you?”

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