Page 100 of Martyr

It wasn’t.

Good Light. It really wasn’t.

The fact that Lake was here and sincerely trying was already starting to get to Nix, but he refused to play into those emotions. The two of them were tied together for the rest of their lives.

He could hold out for at least another day.

“Being fucked into unconsciousness isn’t exactly the worst punishment I can think of,” Lake stated then. “You seemed to be enjoying it, at least for the first hour or so.”

“He wasn’t just fucking me,” Nix sneered. “He kept putting his weight on my chest to smother me.”

Lake stilled. “What?”

“Yejun knew you wouldn’t notice, and he taunted me with that fact all the while. I kept struggling to breathe. Breath play? Not my thing. I don’t like feeling like I’m dying. And I didn’t like how unsure I was that you’d even stop him if he decided to crush me and end it for real.”

“I…” Lake had gone pale. “West called me an idiot, but I didn’t think…I was trying to assuage Yejun’s anger in what I’d deemed the safest way. If he needed to screw you to get over it, I thought it’d be the best option for both of you. Him, because he’d get it out of his system and ideally listen to our explanation, and you because sex has always been your weakness.”

“You did not just say that.”

“I’m not wrong.”

Reminded of how Yejun had called him a slut, Nix’s hands fisted at his sides.

Lake noticed but didn’t point it out, waiting for Nix to calm himself on his own.

“Since he dicked me down so good, I’d naturally forgive him for not being able to walk for over twenty-four hours, that’s what you’re telling me you believed?” Nix wanted to punch him, but refrained for the same reason he wouldn’t let him kneel. “You’re lucky we’re so close to catching this guy, otherwise I’d throw appearances to the wind and deck you.”

“You like sex,” Lake insisted, “and you like when it’s rough. You’re also the one who undressed and offered to spread your legs for him in the first place.”

“Is this an apology or an accusation?”

“Forgive me,” it sounded odd coming from him, but it caught Nix’s attention. “I feel like I have to keep apologizing to you, but I’ll do it if that’s what you need. I’m not good at relationships, Nix. I get scared you’re going to try and leave me, and then I react in ways I shouldn’t. I knew taking Yejun that many times in a row was hard on you, but I truly thought you and I were on the same page about it. I thought you’d made the suggestion for the same conclusions I came to.”

“I had,” Nix admitted. “But I hadn’t anticipated him trying to suffocate me, or how alone I would feel with you just sitting there watching and not doing anything to protect me.”

“I thought I was protecting you,” Lake said. “But…I see now I was wrong. I’m sorry, Songbird.” He took a tentative step closer. “I miss you. Will you please forgive me?”

Nix rubbed at his face. “I know that was hard for you, but that isn’t enough.”

“All right. Whatever you need, I’m willing to give it to you. But I’m not perceptive when it comes to romance. Guide me.”

“It’s not like I’m some expert,” Nix grumbled.

“Should we start with a date?” Lake suggested. “The art department's first gallery showing of the semester is thisweekend. We have to attend to keep up appearances since one of Yejun’s pieces is showing. Go with me.”

Lake’s birthday happened to be this weekend as well, but he didn’t bring it up, so neither did Nix.

Nix considered the idea of a date. On the one hand, he wasn’t wrong. West had already reminded him about the gallery showing and how they all needed to be there on opening night, even if things between him and Yejun were terrible.

He avoided the Demon like the plague, and Yejun gave him the silent treatment when he wasn’t able to. It was an uncomfortable existence, and even though Nix was still a little afraid of him, he found himself wanting to mend things more and more as time passed. Yejun had been someone he could comfortably talk with about nothing in particular. It was relaxing and helped to take Nix’s mind off of the more serious happenings in his life.

West was great, but it was different with him. The two of them often spoke about computers and programming, or boxing, and how badly West wanted to get him back to training.

Lake…Lake had always made him feel safe somehow. Safe from the threats of others, at least. For the longest time, the Imperial was the only thing Nix truly felt like he had to worry about. But then he’d sat there while Yejun messed with him and done nothing, and it’d felt like Nix had been shoved into a reality he didn’t want to acknowledge.

“If I’m your mate,” Nix spoke before he could change his mind and chicken out, “then that’s it. I either am or I’m not. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t pick and choose when I’m yours and when you’ll support and protect me. I need to know I can rely on you, especially since you’re set to inherit the throne. I fell for Maestro. I want Maestro.”

When they’d first met, Lake had pushed him past his limits, but he’d been gentle about it. Caring, almost. AllowingNix to adjust to having a viewer and, in many ways, helping him come into his own sexuality. Despite everything that had taken place between them since their groundwork, there had been an unexpected layer of desire and trust.

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